To feel uncomfortable with groom's speech at his wedding?

Three hideous weddings spring into my mind

1. The brides father was an estate agent. He put a SOLD sign around her neck during his speech and referred to her presumed virginity as ' all original features in tact....I hope" The front tables were all his estate agent friends and solicitors. They laughed their heads off.
2. Friend remarried. Her groom mentioned how nice his stepdaughter's breasts were during the speech. She was 14 at the time.
3. Groom didn't want to get married and didn't engage with anything. His 2 jobs were to hire suits for him and best man. Left it until day before. He didn't want a honeymoon so organised a group weekend away with bride and several friends as their honeymoon so he didn't have to spend time alone with her. Stood up to make a speech, laughed, said he'd lost it and sat down again. Someone on our table asked whether they'd be having a family. One of his female friends said " She doesn't need to have any children, she's married one"

Umm you can sometimes judge the length of a marriage by the wedding. I would feel very pissed off of that was me.

No one is forced to marry me, I would choose.

Oh, he’s a “lad” is he?

The kind of man I can’t stand and deliberately didn’t marry (I call them WKD men!)
I went for one who made it clear he loved me, was comfortable in displaying his love for me and who I knew would be a family man choosing spending time with me & his children rather than going down the pub and playing football all weekend.

He’s clearly a douche but she knows that and has married him anyway 🤷‍♀️

This is an insane take. There is nothing to suggest he's being abused whatsoever; on the contrary, it would be sensible to wonder about his bride given his public humiliation of her. So unless you're suggesting we all just randomly "speak quietly" to all our friends and family at intervals to quiz them on whether they're being abused, this makes no sense.

I sure wish everyone would stop justifying themselves to that vile @El12 poster. They are full of shite and deliberately winding you all up. Either a troll or someone who has been strung along and abandoned and for some reason feels better about that if they insist that everyone else's relationships are crap too.

To be honest I would find someone gushing about lurve more cringy than a couple of jokes. As long as the bride was fine with it, it is their relationship and she chose to marry him.

Leaving early and using that as the reason is just weird............

I went to a wedding a few years ago, lovely young couple very much in love.

Strangely, the groom's very long, boring speach was all about his fantastic mates, what great times they'd had, and countless brilliant holidays, all spoken of in great detail. Even stranger was that I was the only one who noticed that he hadn't mentioned his bride at all, who to be fair didn't appear bothered either.

They're still happily married with a couple of kids as well now.

Hold on..a victim of abuse is highly unlikely to publically belittle his abusive wife at a wedding. It is not what abused victims do. They aren’t going to go round upsetting the person who’s abusing them, or giving *them any ground to be angry,

i think you’re catastrophising something,that unfortunately happens way too much with silly blokes trying to impress their mates.

So I should have kids just in case he changes his mind, even if I haven’t changed mine and he so far hasn’t changed his?! What a brilliant idea!

He is 55 this year anyway, with zero interest in being a dad, but I’m sure you know best…🙄

@EI12

Stop projecting your damage onto others. I’m very sorry someone hurt you. I’m sorry they didn’t give you what you wanted and you have come out of it very wounded, with a very cynical outlook now towards different types of relationships and what makes others happy. But you need to stop projecting and get some therapy.

Not a great reason to get married. Doubt they’ll be very happy.

Nothing more laughable than elderly dating.

@EI12 what do you class as 'elderly dating'? why is it laughable?

what about people who are widowed? or who wanted to stay married for live but their husband left them? does that mean they should stay single until they die or their efforts to find a partner are 'laughable'?

He sounds like a complete twat. A man publicly embarrassing his new wife (and partner of 12 years) on their wedding day.

If my DH had said that at our wedding I'd have just ended it there and then. That poor woman is going to be living a really shitty life if that's what her husband really thinks of her 😞

One where the best man was drunk and said he hoped the Groom stripped off tonight as fast as he did on his stag night . It did not get a laugh . I was just cringing .

There’s definitely a place for humour in wedding speeches. It’s getting the balance right that makes the speech go well. Both bride and groom, and their families should get a warm feeling from the happy day. Upsetting anybody, even with ‘banter’, is simply not on.

I’m pretty sure we all know people who get humour wrong - sometimes terribly wrong. In my career I saw two or three people end up with HR meetings (or worse) because of ill-judged comments or actions. Male/female relations are a very delicate path to tread at work.

Why then, at weddings, do men think it’s a free-for-all opportunity to wade in with awful tasteless remarks and insults? The alcohol doesn’t help I suppose. There’s absolutely no place for sexist stupidity at a wedding. Anybody doing that is a fool.

Also, concerning humour, if you’re not entirely sure about it, don’t say it. You cannot take it back.

I had that when my friend’s dad made a spontaneous speech about how he wished she was more like me (a loooong one) at her wedding. Awful. I wanted the ground to swallow me. Weirdly, he also supports her so much in her ususal
life. Just so weird.

As long as you understand that he can still change his mind when he is 55 and have them with somebody other than you, which is not the same, sadly, for a woman.

This is so sad. I bet she went home and cried after that.

He sounds jaded after a few hours of marriage. God knows how miserable he’s going to be from now on. How embarrassing to drag all of the guests into it by making such a miserable wedding speech.

This sort of thing only works when everyone in the room knows the groom has married a woman he’s besotted with - all the guests know that he’s joking about having his arm twisted into marrying her. A bit like a guy looking dreamily at his lovely, clever, funny wife and saying, “She’s clearly incredibly grateful that I agreed to marry her.”

When the room is silent, strained and uncomfortable, it shows that everyone is concerned that he really is doing this half-willingly.

She has said she wants to be married before getting pregnant

That's fair enough - many feel exactly the same - but hopefully she'll think again before actually bringing children into this ugly mess

Unless of course she wants to be the butt of more "jokes" about forcing him into fatherhood ...

Having been to many weddings in the 1950s that is nothing like the 1950s I knew. For a start it would be unlikely that they'd have been living together for 12 years. You got married when you were young and in love. The ball and chain stuff started a few years down the line.

This made me laugh too! I think it's quite a stretch!!

I used to work in wedding world and once stood at speeches where the groom’s speech was 25 minutes of him talking about his squaddie mates, how tight they all were as mates, how much he loved them and would “take a bullet” for them …. He didn’t mention his new wife once.