Absent father seeking contact with child

He may not be on the Birth Certificate but the OP says he has paid minimum maintenence on a regular basis. I think a judge would decide that is significant because it implies that the OP acknowledges that he is the father. I'd recommend slow introduction and see how the child feels about. If heaven forbid anything should happen to the OP then the child might need to get to know her father and I'd hate to think that a difficult time would be made worse by them not having any relationship up until that point.

I wouldn't
I bet he has a new GF
I have custody of my niece and her dad i meant to have her overnight every weekend.it has never ever happened.but when he had a new GF to impress or give a sob story too, he contacts me saying he wants his rights to see his child.

I say yes, come Friday and pick her up. He never does. I usually text him Thursday night or Friday asking what time he is coming
Nothing.

I would be wary about this.

hahahaha.

Mind blowing. I bet there's more to this - a new partner, or an older child wanting to meet a younger sibling or something.

The first thing to consider is whether your child has an yinterest in meetin gtheir father. If they do, okay, some thought can be given to this.

I'd be insisting on meeting him first, without your child even knowing. Catch up. Understand why suddenly he's back. What he is planning when he meets the child. Discuss what this might look like. If you are uncomfortable, then it's a no. If he's willing to discuss a sensible process that you believe works for you and your child, great

If he's not on the birth certificate then he has zero control at this point in time and would need to get his name on there before he could apply for any access which would take considerable time.

I agree with a pp who said to request a realistic timetable to reintroduce contact after x number of years. What he has suggested is laughable and I can't see him responding with anything sensible at which point you simply refuse.

If it does in fact say something reasonable, at that point and only at that point ask your son if he is interested in meeting him. If it's a no, now or at any point in the process then you simply refuse again.

I agree that it's likely there is a partner to impress and he is likely spinning a tail of woe where you are keeping his child from him. He likely wants you to refuse to play into his narrative. Supervised or gradual contact doesn't fit into that.

If the child has shown a longing for their father I'd reply saying that the progression of contact will be at a pace you dictate and will begin with indirect contact, progressing to supervised and then assessed.

Alternatively they are free to apply for a C100.

Does your child wish to meet their father? Now or when older?

If they do then a series of small introductory visits, with you present. to begin with and take it from there.

A day or a weekend is out of the question at the beginning and some time off and only once your child has built a relationship.

I'd just ignore the message tbh, if he is serious he can do all the paper work and running around to go to court.

My first question would be why ?

I am not sure I would even acknowledge the first message but would offer to meet in a public place alone to discuss it .

it always astonishes me some men think they can ignore their child for 9 years drop a text like it will be fine - no questions about what will work for your Dc .

I suspect new G/friend is behind this - my ex doesn’t let me see Dc

I'd bet he has a new partner. My ex always resurfaced when he had a new gf to impress.

When my ex went 12 months not bothering court then granted him supervised access until he rebuilt the relationship so no chance would anyone just be handing over a 9 year old to someone they've never met.

I'd be replying that you'll enter discussion when they forward a sensible plan for a gradual introduction that is in the best interest of the child otherwise you'll wait for their court application.

Um, yeah. NO. Sorry, but while he has a genetic link with this child, that is all he has. You have no way of knowing what sort of a person he is, whether he can be trusted with your child, whether he is capable of looking after this child.

It is not in the best interests of the child to simply hand him over to a TOTAL BLOODY STRANGER, upon request, simply because they share DNA. What is the motivation behind this sudden interest, totally out of the blue?

Supervised contact if the child wishes it, for short periods of time, at the very most. To be moved at the child's comfort level, and your own.

That would be a no from me too.

I would talk to ds and see what he thinks then I’d tell ex to take you to court. Supervised contact is a must at first