To wonder why our value is defined by money?

Not in my experience. I grew up dirt poor. The popular girls at school were the rebellious, sexy ones with older boyfriends with cars and jail time. I went to Oxford, was the poorest person at my very trad college with a high percentage of Old Etonians, but though I wasn’t hanging out with the OEs, absolutely all of my friends were far richer than me, my mind was blown by being invited home in the vacs, and many of us are still friends 25 years on. DH is from a similar poor WC background, and our friendship groups are very mixed. In some settings we’re by far the richest, in others much the poorest. I choose to be around interesting people, and that’s not class- or income-dependent. I assume our friends who own strings of racehorses, multiple homes, and take us out on their yacht like our company.

People literally say “He/ She is worth £1 million” when describing how much wealth someone has.

So it think it’s pretty ingrained!

Be fair, you are wandering around with a chip on your shoulder the size of a planet and you dismiss everyone's differing interpretations because only you have an insight into the dark and uncaring hearts of The Rich. (cue dramatic music)

People with things in common get along. It might be work, children of an age, interests, living on the same street, campaigning for the same cause, holidaying at the same place etc

For a lot of those things, geography and income play a significant part. As a result, people of similar affluence come across each other more often. I only know a couple of surgeons but more teachers than you can shake a stick at - that's not because I hate surgeons or they hate me, we just move in different circles.

@Abigail47 , you are ascribing every interaction to a callous, materialistic world filled with rich people who dislike or distain the poor. That's bollocks. There are unfriendly, judgemental people at every economic level - your own view of the well off is pretty unpleasant, for example. We've all known absolute gems and absolute gits across society, it's not a wealth based system.

Maybe the singing grouop people didn't like you because you came across as prickly. Maybe you sat in Mavis's chair, and that's a faux pas. Or maybe they and you would never be friends for a myriad of reasons.

But to you, it must be because they are richer than you.

So because you haven’t seen others shift their opinion, you won’t do it yourself? (And it actually happens quite a lot on here so I don’t know where you’ve been looking)
For someone who talks about her own experience, you definitely use a lot of absolutes “always”, “never”, “only” etc. You didn’t ask “why do I feel like my worth is linked to money” you insisted that everyone felt this way.
And just like you managed to miss all the threads where the OP changed their mind, you also seem to see all your experiences as a confirmation of your biases. You don’t know why women in your singing group were not welcoming to you but you made an assumption based on your biases and, bizarrely, had these biases confirmed by someone who wasn’t even present at the event.

That just reads like a group of insular people that are averse to outsiders. Again, this isn’t something exclusive to the wealthy - you can find people like this from all walks of life.

There are countless threads on here that highlight difficulties that can very easily arise between friends of differing socioeconomic status. Just on that level alone, predominantly mixing with those on a similar level to you is one way to avoid those difficulties.

Also, humans are a species that are both tribal and hierarchical, the latter often being an expression of the former. It isn’t exclusive to capitalism, incidentally, because capitalism too is a way of expressing those behaviors (and arguably superior to, say, feudalism, in the potential for social mobility. Additionally, this same structure is present in socialist/communist societies). In all societies, those that have the most in terms of resources, invariably dominate.

I disagree with you generalising your own, and pretending that "rich people" - I am guessing richER than you all behave and think in a certain manner.

That's not my experience at all.

I am also curious what school has very wealthy and very poor children. Very wealthy families tend to send kids to private school, and state school have catchment areas. it's not that common to have such a massive gap between income, is it?

Same here... I can make a guess, I suppose, about a person's wealth, but for all I know he might be living at the poverty level because he's a gambler.

A person's wealth is just not an indicator of value at all.

The young girls that both love art is a good example. Imagine being taken to art galleries around the world? I love art galleries, my family never ever took me overseas or even had the money to travel to a gallery in the UK but now as an adult I have indulged that love and have also had art classes, the love of it unfortunately doesn’t mean I have talent but it’s enjoyable.

It is easier to be friendly with people you have more in common with as there is a familiar link but some people are more chameleon like. I am really good at this as is my DS.

Only some people think that way and to a great extent you choose to collude or not. The 'popular girls' were popular with each other and other rich people. There was absolutely no need for them to be popular with you, as you were at perfect liberty to make friends with less well off people, who would then be popular with you and you with them. Yes, some of the world prizes wealth more highly than kindness, intelligence, humour, and other positive traits. But I don't and wouldn't entertain those who did, so its nothing to do with my life. Stop letting it be part of yours.

@Abigail47 you seem to be weirdly fixated on your own narrative. Why post in AIBU if you are not prepared to shift from your position and consider a different viewpoint?
And why are you being so patronising towards "poor people" who supposedly "suffer" from this terrible injustice. I grew up poor, I have never experienced what you are talking about. I have rich friends and I don't always want/able to join in with things they want to do even when they offer to pay for me. The decision is entirely mine and it's bloody offensive to me that you think I am suffering as a result.

that sounds like a bad movie script.

During Covid, we weren't all standing on the doorstep clapping for millionaires.

No we just spent loads of money online which the likes of Amazon passed onto its shareholders as opposed to increasing wages. And low interest rates boosted assets which is why the richer are now richer post pandemic.

Not in my family it circle it's not. And when people like that have come into our lives, they soon leave again when they realise that their Bs is not wanted.

You can’t be friends with everyone. That isn’t excluding people, that’s just life.

You are simply much more likely to be friends with someone you have more in common with. Including similar backgrounds.

and it is absolutely the same with people who aren’t ‘rich’.

How are odd, there were families of many high net worth individuals at my school and no one gave a moments thought to it?
People who liked each other, liked it each other.
Why would you get on with someone just because they had a large house?

Birds of a feather flock together.

Likewise, can't say I've experienced it at all. Back in my school days, I don't remember even thinking about which friends/classmates had more money and which were poorer. We all just muddled in together as far as I remember. I don't recall any particular instances of some pupils showing off more expensive trainers or bags etc. Presumably some had more expensive things than others, but it just wasn't on my radar. I was more concerned about being bullied, and I can categorically state that most of my bullies weren't rich - they were mostly from the council estate and just roamed the school as a gang.

Same in adult life, work-life etc. Yes, some people I've known have shown the image of having more money, i.e. bigger house, new cars, etc., but I've known from an early age that it can be all smoke and mirrors with debts/leases/loans etc., so I've never immediately thought someone was rich just because they were driving a new BMW. Some of the actual genuine "rich" people I've known have actually lived a pretty frugal life (old cars, small house, etc)., and I've only known they're so rich because I've seen their bank statements/pass books etc when doing their tax returns!

Personally, I think there's too much emphasis on image etc - it's no indication of the actual wealth of someone - these days it's easy to "fake it" in many ways.

Yes but a rich girls who loves painting and art might want to book a weekend or art appreciation in Florence and expect to stay in 5 star hotel and dine in the best restaurants which the poor girl cannot afford to join in. Do you honestly not see how difficult it might make maintaining a friendship with someone?
One of my friends is very wealthy. I vividly remember her telling me "oh, you can JUST get a cab on the way back" when we were discussing a night out in an area without 24h transport links. No, Kate, I can't JUST take a £200 taxi home.

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