To find this H comment annoying

Same here, I'd like to think I'd have had an epic comeback/reaction like "You clearly are uncomfortable with how lovely I look so you feel the need to make me feel shit about myself, so you can stay here and I am going for dinner on my own"

but I know I wouldn't in that actual moment.

My DH did something very very similar to me and i just felt ridiculed and ugly, scrubbed it all off and didn't really bother with make up again.

Which suited him and was likely his intent, because he was also like Ginge's DH, massively insecure and hated if any partner of his had confidence (he was the same with his ex before me, didn't manage to grind her down though, she escaped).

I might dish the epic comeback now I'm much older, because I'd spot what that behaviour was doing and its intent. I was younger then and less wise.

Honestly, OP with the make up thing, his mother, and the constant nasty sniping comments I think you have a big problem. It isn't going to go away. You need to go back to counselling with him and DO NOT LET HIM DOMINATE with his controlling histrionic tears performance. Funny how he became a crying little boy and got all the comfort and sympathy from the counsellor isn't it? Mine did the same. We left our sessions with him firmly vindicated and cast as the poor sad suffering wee hurt man. I never got to tell them any of his bullshit behaviours towards me. He got worse. They gave him permission to continue basically.

You could try saying every time "Does it make you feel better somehow to put me down?" If he says you’re being over-sensitive just say "You’re doing it again. Does it make you feel better?"

Ugh, he sounds foul, OP. I'd also be terrified to end up with all three of them making belittling comments at me. It sounds almost inevitable though. His closeness with your boys might not actually be a positive.

How did his father treat his mother, BTW? Is it in his family's culture?

"i have tried to talk to him about stuff before but it gets pretty wild pretty quickly. "

In what way 'wild'?

"we did try marriage counselling but he just cried and cried so much through the first session that i sat there like an idiot while the counsellor comforted him!"

So he deflected so much that you likely gave up on the counselling and just settled for a shit life with shit sex. Ah OP, you are worth more than this!

If you've tried counselling before, then the marriage has already been rocky and never settled since. I'd say it's time for you to bail out before he can really grind you down.

He sounds like a very small man who enjoys humiliating you to make himself feel big. Don't let your sons grow up thinking this is ok behaviour, they're watching and listening to how you interact.

he doesn't drink or cheat or anything like that

That's a really low bar.

We did try marriage counselling but he just cried and cried so much through the first session that i sat there like an idiot while the counsellor comforted him

I am not laughing I am but seriously?? You need a flipping medal for even staying with him after this ridiculousness. And having sex without heaving from the ick you must have

Make him very insecure.

Ring a solicitor and tell him you've started divorce proceedings

He's a lost cause

I know divorce is considered bad but… your husband is a fucking arsehole.

when he says it’s a joke what do you say?

He's utterly vile and treating you with contempt

I'd have gone back upstairs, cleaned my face and put my PJs on

The ONE mistake you made was marrying that arse

Yes I agree. Your husband is not funny in the slightest and is just being a twat. He is treating you with total disrespect and contempt.

And he is not a great dad. Great dads do not treat the mothers of their children like shit.

I would dump him and send him back to Mummy before the children start copying him.

This. In which case I'd be tempted to take a different approach. Sit him down for a chat, do the concerned head tilt and ask 'Is everything ok, dh? I'm a bit worried about your low self-esteem. I know it must be hard for you that I'm more successful and earn more than you, but there's really no need to resort to clutching at straws to come up with tiny trivial things that supposedly mean I've 'fucked up'. It just makes you look a bit pathetic. No wonder you don't do it in front of other people. They'd just feel sorry for you, which would be embarrassing.' Then maybe do a little sad head shake if he ever does it again, to remind him how pitiful it makes him look.

Either that or tell him that if he ever does it again, you'll leave him.

As a couple of PP have already said he is belittling you because he is projecting his own insecurities on to you.

You are the main earner and you sort all life and house admin out. In most families it would be one or the other. What does he bring to the table apart from being a "good dad"? Is he really helpful round the house, does he do the practical aspects if you are the thinker/organiser?

Repeating the insults back I think might only serve to bring his awareness to how fucking stupid he sounds (but more likely he'll just get defensive and dig his heels in about how you're "over sensitive" ).

I think you need serious conversation about your roles in your marriage and how you are both feeling and contributing. This might need to be facilitated by a professional couples counsellor. Or alternatively, I think you might need to LTB.

Something is only a joke If the person it's about thinks it's funny. Since you don't he's just being a jerk

Plus on a selfish note, there is far too much amazing sex to be had than to put up with faking it and missing out!

He belittles you in private
He belittles you in public (his mother)
You are the main earner
He is crap in bed, so much so that you have to fake it
You are already looking ahead and seeing 3 boys/men belittling you.. is this REALLY want you want for your sons?

Tell me you are in a broken marriage without telling me you are in a broken marriage

Totally agree

The more you’re telling us about him the more I’m wondering why you’re with him? Why do you put up with that?? You earn more and do more….why are you with him. I’m finding myself asking multiple times a day why some of you are with dick heads like this. Life is far too short to not be happy. Standards and boundaries are non existent for so many women and they should be so high.

I guessed you were the main earner before your update OP. You do know why he needs to put you down, right? It's his insecurity. He feels the need to prove he's better than you.

Pathetic little men like this really piss me off. He should be proud of you, and he isn't.

Tell him to fuck off and grow up.

oh this is horrible. And if he does it in front of the kids, they'll grow up doing exactly the same to you and others if you don't put a stop to it.

The fact he ridiculed you for wearing makeup after you made a specific effort?! And when you told him how you felt, he minimised your feelings.

Someone posted this on another thread the other day and I took a screen shot:

That didn't happen.
And if it did, it wasn't that bad.
And if it was, that's not a big deal.
And if it is, that's not my fault.
And if it was, I didn't mean it.
And if I did, you deserved it.

Sorry OP but he sounds awful. My DH, no matter what he thought of me, would always say how nice I looked/how the dress was flattering/make up looks nice etc if we're going out. People comfortable in their own skin would never say things like your husband has said to you.

Lots of posters are suggesting smart put-down responses, but in my view, if your husband consistently belittles and demeans you in this way, the marriage is over.

He doesn't respect you, admire you, or care about your feelings, and he sure as hell is not a good dad. He definitely isn't proud of your accomplishments and contribution to his life. He gets a kick out of sneering at you, scoring points off you and making you look bad. And if you engage in point scoring in response, all you will do is reinforce that horrible dynamic - is that what you want to become?

The marriage is unsalvageable. Hold your head high, and tell him you won't be his punchbag (metaphorically) any more.

He knows it's not a joke. He is deliberately belittling you, probably to make himself feel superior. It's really nasty, however faux-lightheartedly he does it. The make-up one is horrible. You can try making him see how it feels by doing the same to him, but even if that works, it's not going to solve the underlying attitude that's making him behave like this towards you.

Every time you have sex, announce that it is the 566th time dh has failed to satisfy his wife before finishing. He'll soon get the point.