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Original poster

To find this H comment annoying

966 replies

Ginge88 · 06/08/2024 09:48

If I forget something or use the wrong plug or something, DH says loudly

"And the 356th way Ginge has fucked up today is...."

Or whatever number is in his head. Frustrating thing is I actually don't mess up things v much and it's him that needs reminders of everything

But yes if he notices says the milk is left out or something il hear him say "and Ginge succeeds in fucking up for the 455th time this week" and chuckling to himself

I've told him to stop. He tells me it's a joke. He does now do it less but he clearly thinks I'm being totally over sensitive

Am I?

OP posts:
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7
Moveoverdarlin · 23/08/2024 19:08

I would reply ‘and the first thing Ginge fucked up in her life was marrying you, ya cunt’.

Fannyfiggs · 23/08/2024 19:06

How are you @Ginge88?

Hope you're okay and hanging in there ❤️

Isthisit22 · 20/08/2024 21:57

You sound like an amazingly strong, intelligent and empathetic woman. You will have a lovely life this time next year.
just keep planning quietly. Write down all of these incidents, especially involving the children.

DearDenimEagle · 20/08/2024 20:16

They lull you into a false sense of security, before starting the next round. It’s always going to be your fault. He can’t do wrong, not in his head.
I hope you record some of this.
Try to keep calm..it feeds him when you react with emotion. That’s why he does it in the first place- to provoke a reaction. So it’s carefully orchestrated up and downs to keep you off balance, unsure, treading on eggshells. Every nasty event will be followed by an apparently ‘normal’ period, so you think everything is ok really. Just a blip, all marriages have them, right? Except it’s not right.

If you aren’t recording anything, keep a diary of what he says and does.

alrightluv · 20/08/2024 17:04

Be careful he's on to you by the sounds of it. Abusers can be very cunning but turn vicious when they get a hint of your escape.

Original poster
Ginge88 · 20/08/2024 16:49

He just came in the spare room with a cup of tea, a cake and to tell me he's ordered all the kids school uniform.

He's not fooling me though. I've made an appointment with a solicitor for next week

OP posts:
Leanmeansmitingmachine · 20/08/2024 14:42

Ginge88 · 20/08/2024 13:02

Also, I said "look last time we talked about money you screamed at me and called me a stupid fucking cunt" and he said "well you were being one"

I'd always presumed he regretted getting that angry and insulting but obviously not!

I am so shocked by this piece of shit’s behaviour. He is so, so abusive.

Taluulaah · 20/08/2024 14:21

He sounds awful. I haven’t rtft, but must say, his behaviour reminds me of somebody I was in a relationship with, who was similarly abusive, verbally, emotionally, even physically at times - he would speak to me like he hated me, but would act like I was over reacting or being sensitive whenever I’d respond/get upset or angry. Everything I did was wrong, the slightest things would result in nasty comments, sighs and rolling eyes, insults, door slamming and aggression. I’d dread him coming home from work, I’d dread having to face him at all in the end.

Luckily we weren’t married and didn’t have kids, but he would put me down and make me feel stupid or “less than” in many ways - and it took me far too long to break away from it. But when I did, the feeling of relief was immense. No more walking on eggshells, feeling uncomfortable or afraid in my own home, being made to become quieter or smaller to prevent him verbally attacking me… I think what I’m trying to say is - please get out of there. Please get away from him. His unfunny condescending jokes, his control, the insults, the coercion of the kids… you really will feel so so much relief without that in your life. You deserve way better.
Sorry for the long ranty message, but I just have to let you know that what you’re being put thru is unacceptable and you can feel so much happier, and less anxious, and give your boys a less toxic environment, by dumping that abusive man.
Good luck 🙏🏼💕

Fannyfiggs · 20/08/2024 14:06

My god Ginge, the sooner you get rid of this bastard the better.

He's a vile, nasty little man.

I'm so sorry you need to put up with this from him. Hopefully not for much longer ❤️

hildabaker · 20/08/2024 13:44

He timed it to try and ruin your job and reputation at work. I'd get a lock for my office door if I were you @Ginge88 and a kettle and sandwiches to keep in your office with you. What a vile bastard.

MillyCentTap · 20/08/2024 13:12

They will never not feel justification for their abuse.

Original poster
Ginge88 · 20/08/2024 13:02

Also, I said "look last time we talked about money you screamed at me and called me a stupid fucking cunt" and he said "well you were being one"

I'd always presumed he regretted getting that angry and insulting but obviously not!

OP posts:
MillyCentTap · 20/08/2024 12:53

he's been really good the last few days and as soon as they were out - he went for it

He's been waiting for his opportunity to punish you.

You'll never 'win' with him, he'll never be a decent person.

Flowers
Original poster
Ginge88 · 20/08/2024 12:49

He's so unfair. I'm working from home today and finished my meeting at 10.57, came downstairs to make a quick tea and he started talking to me about money and how much things cost.

When we have talked about money before it always ends in a row with him insulting me. I said 'I have a meeting at 11am, in one minute, shall we talk abotu this later' and he said 'will only take a minute' and started ranting at me as i made my tea and walked upstairs. he then started saying 'are you going to say anything' and then doing this horrible impression of me - like doing this weird shrug/pout thing and shouting- 'what is wrong with you, why don't you speak anymore ginge?? what the fuck is wrong with you, just talk to me, why do you fucking ignore me' - rant rant rant.

i said "i'm just trying to get to my next meeting and this is a big conversation' - he then followed me in the room, i said 'please let me join my meeting' - by this point its 11.10am and everyone else in on the call. he was grunting at me, slammed all the doors in the house.. last time we talkecd about money he called me a 'cunt' - i geniunely don't want to talk about it anymore, and also not in one minute between meetings. and then he makes out like it's my fault.

it's so bloody unfair. kids are at camp today. he's been really good the last few days and as soon as they were out - he went for it.

OP posts:
cloudyfox · 18/08/2024 00:21

Ginge88 · 18/08/2024 00:12

H is out all night so had a lovely evening alone.

Older DS said he missed daddy and that "daddy is the boss".

Made me feel worried. What if older DS has already absorbed some problematic stuff about the dynamic?? He said "daddy gets a little bit angry because he's the boss here". I started worrying that ill leave but DS will do that thing where kids hero worship the absent/shitty parent and want to be with H not me.

You'll regret suggesting I use this thread as a journal! My late night worries are all gonna come out!

Do ppl thinks that's common though?

Yes, you're going to be second-guessing yourself constantly. Staying with this guy will only damage the children more. They deserve for you to be safe and happy, and you deserve that too.

Original poster
Ginge88 · 18/08/2024 00:12

H is out all night so had a lovely evening alone.

Older DS said he missed daddy and that "daddy is the boss".

Made me feel worried. What if older DS has already absorbed some problematic stuff about the dynamic?? He said "daddy gets a little bit angry because he's the boss here". I started worrying that ill leave but DS will do that thing where kids hero worship the absent/shitty parent and want to be with H not me.

You'll regret suggesting I use this thread as a journal! My late night worries are all gonna come out!

Do ppl thinks that's common though?

OP posts:
SendNoodles · 17/08/2024 15:24

WitcheryDivine · 17/08/2024 10:52

I’m so sorry you’re in this situation, you sound incredible honestly - you do everything for your family. He must know at some level he’s a pathetic piece of work and he is desperate to grind you down so much you don’t wake up and get rid. It’s brilliant to see how you’re realising this now before you’re completely under and start believing his rubbish x

This is so well put.

DearDenimEagle · 17/08/2024 14:25

Ginge88 · 17/08/2024 09:02

@cloudyfox I am a bit. I feel cautious about "escaping" when he's away or out for the day as worry it will look like I'm kidnapping the kids! Refuge told me i needed to tell the police and social services before I did it but I don't feel I have evidence he's a threat to them. But I do absolutely that telling I'm leaving feels risky too. I will keep planning. He seems v frazzled with the kids at the moment. The younger one asked me instead of him and he stormed out the house saying "don't worry about me DS, I'll go" - shouting that to a 3 year old! He then left the hoose for bedtime.

Sorry for my dramatic numerous posts like night. I'd had a wine and was feeling sorry for myself.

You should be recording when he is in ..a lot of times, you will delete a recording because it’s no help, but you will catch some of the conversations/ outbursts/ interactions. You can get tiny recorders like flash drives that record for several hours. You just press the start button and put it in a vase or behind an ornament on a shelf or somewhere. If you’re in a car, under the seat or the pocket on the back of one of the seats. You can check the recording when he is out by plugging into a computer . Domestics are always he said, she said, so help yourself. Collect evidence.
Do tell police and Social services. They have heard it before and have experienced it. There have been instances where historically, they didn’t take such things seriously and it ended badly so they should be willing to assist. And if you are helped by police or SS there won’t be any kidnapping. and even if you aren’t, you leave with the children when he is not there, or you might not get to leave at all. Worry about kidnapping later …kidding…you can leave a note saying you’ve gone and you’ll be in touch later.

Davros · 17/08/2024 13:14

@Ginge88 I'm following your thread, you're a ⭐️

Toastghost · 17/08/2024 12:25

You have nothing to be sorry for, you can vent.

WitcheryDivine · 17/08/2024 10:52

I’m so sorry you’re in this situation, you sound incredible honestly - you do everything for your family. He must know at some level he’s a pathetic piece of work and he is desperate to grind you down so much you don’t wake up and get rid. It’s brilliant to see how you’re realising this now before you’re completely under and start believing his rubbish x

AutumnFroglets · 17/08/2024 10:34

Sorry for my dramatic numerous posts like night. I'd had a wine and was feeling sorry for myself.

Vent away. You should also use this space as a journal so you can reread your posts if you ever have a wobble (or to see how far you have come).

But I do think you need to plan quicker and stronger. If he stormed out after DS asking you to do something then he is cracking, which is a dangerous time for you all. Do you have another person who can be there, either when you tell him or when you leave. A witness always seem to calm them down funnily enough.

Fannyfiggs · 17/08/2024 09:57

Ginge88 · 17/08/2024 09:02

@cloudyfox I am a bit. I feel cautious about "escaping" when he's away or out for the day as worry it will look like I'm kidnapping the kids! Refuge told me i needed to tell the police and social services before I did it but I don't feel I have evidence he's a threat to them. But I do absolutely that telling I'm leaving feels risky too. I will keep planning. He seems v frazzled with the kids at the moment. The younger one asked me instead of him and he stormed out the house saying "don't worry about me DS, I'll go" - shouting that to a 3 year old! He then left the hoose for bedtime.

Sorry for my dramatic numerous posts like night. I'd had a wine and was feeling sorry for myself.

Wow, trying to guilt trip a 3 year old? What a horror.

You're doing the right thing by leaving, for you, for your kids and for your boys future partners.

Keep strong 💪 ❤️

Original poster
Ginge88 · 17/08/2024 09:02

@cloudyfox I am a bit. I feel cautious about "escaping" when he's away or out for the day as worry it will look like I'm kidnapping the kids! Refuge told me i needed to tell the police and social services before I did it but I don't feel I have evidence he's a threat to them. But I do absolutely that telling I'm leaving feels risky too. I will keep planning. He seems v frazzled with the kids at the moment. The younger one asked me instead of him and he stormed out the house saying "don't worry about me DS, I'll go" - shouting that to a 3 year old! He then left the hoose for bedtime.

Sorry for my dramatic numerous posts like night. I'd had a wine and was feeling sorry for myself.

OP posts:
DjCatnip · 17/08/2024 07:24

This sounds like how my ex husband was. He's desperate to be the best parent now so is always nice, the kids tell me but they remember how he used to shout at me.
The relief that he's not my husband any more is incredible.