To find this H comment annoying

As the others are saying, you cannot help him. He makes the rods for his own back. He , in his head, can do no wrong. Everyone else is wrong and he is always the victim. Hes playing this for all he can to get you on his side, to fight with him, to stay, comfort and support him. Then he can keep abusing you
It’s all about him. Everything in his life is about him.

You shouldn’t even listen. Or react. You should make your way out of this by starting divorce proceedings. Tell the lawyer and police police he’s threatening to kill himself. That’s coercive control, emotional abuse and it’s illegal. You could have had him out of the house months ago for abuse. I know it’s paralysing but you only have this one life. You need to gather yourself and save yourself and the children

By staying, you are, in his head, accepting his behaviour. You are giving him permission to keep doing it and escalating it. Giving him permission. Think about it. It will escalate, because you allow it

I’ve only read bits of the thread. It’s incredibly hard but you need to take decisions for you and your children and stop catastrophising the future - custody, money, shared care. All that can come later. All you are doing now is prolonging the agony. Make a plan for YOU and the kids and do it. Stop pandering to his games.

I know this is harsh but how much longer do you want to live like this. There will always be a reason to stay if you seek it out.

OP you know that threats of self harm are a form of abuse and an appalling one. He is writhing around in agonies of rage as he can’t get what he wants so is using every single tactic to try and get you back in line. He probably is feeling very distressed. So are you. But you are still thinking of other people. He is not capable of that so don’t let him take you down with him. You can’t help him.

Further my my last comment, actually make the call rather than telling him he needs help.
Because he doesn’t need HELP, he just needs the whole world to do what HE wants. Then he’ll be grand.

The response to saying things like ‘I cannot survive the day’ is ‘Husband, I am worried about you. I will call the MH (or GP or similar) to come and see you, because you’re making me think you might do something silly to yourself’.
That way, his manipulations (for that’s all they are I’m afraid - people like this rarely do anything daft) will backfire massively because he’ll have to either stop it, or have a mark against him as having suicidal ideations - which may not be in his favour re the custody of the children.

You’re not an idiot!! You’re dealing with a very messy situation, Ginge, and you’re keeping the whole show on the road. Now that you’ve dropped the couples counselling, do you have someone to talk to by yourself?

I think that this is just another weapon in his arsenal to stop you divorcing him. I can definitely believe that he is shit at his job as he is a shit husband and a shit father. He is motivated by malice, self-pity and a sense of entitlement that is off the charts. I doubt that he is popular with his managers or his colleagues.

You could tell him to contact ACAS for advice and to follow his workplace's guidance on bullying and harassment if he thinks that his boss's assessment of his performance is unjustified and that he is being bullied out of his job.

Alternatively, you could read all your own posts to remind yourself what a cocky, cruel man he really is and ask him why on earth he expects you to provide any sympathy and support after the way he treats you (i.e. with utter contempt).

You probably shouldn't do the second suggestion, but you should absolutely speak to your solicitor and get things moving with the divorce.

Luckily, as you have been posting on here for a while, you have a documented and contemporaneous record and timeline of his abuse and his attempts at parental alienation with your children to use as evidence against any attempts by him to gain full custody of your kids.

Hi OP I have just read through all your posts and none of the responses. You are amazing. I recognise so much of the guilt and frustration of being trapped and having to cope, cope, cope.
I just wanted to say I got away and am so happy on my own. My DC are adults now and treat me with respect and recognition of everything I did for them. They don’t even like visiting their dad and have no respect for him.
I did stay for a very long time because of practicalities and finances but now live in peace and happiness with the DC. Ex worked his way through various relationships but is now disabled from alcohol induced illness and is living alone.
You’ve done a lot and you’re nearly there. Be very careful now and assume worst case scenarios as you have a weak, abusive and angry man who wants to punish you. You need to get out or get him out.
Sending so much virtual support.

Please get yourself and the children to safety ASAP. That might mean finding a refuge or at least getting some support from a DV organisation. It feels like he's escalating dangerously.

Stay strong, this is another ploy to control you and mess with your head and emotions!

If he IS in the shit at work - its of his own doing due to his own behaviour, bullying my arse.

Potentially the whole thing is made up, but I suspect he is actually in the shit through his own stupid behaviour and is gearing up to jack in work to become your problem full time and he can pretend to be a SAHD.

He 100% isn't being bullied and likely hasn't even been dragged into a meeting with his boss. Unless HE is doing the bullying and the meeting is legit, he is just telling you a different story to the truth.

It's all manipulation. He is setting up he narrative for when you leave. To make you an evil person.

Don't waver, we are here with you.

He isn't being bullied. He isn't having a breakdown. He is still trying to manipulate you.
Stay focused on your plans and your future.

Move out fast with the DC.

OK, you clearly know a lot more about this than I do, I was going off something I’d seen earlier on the thread. I’m sure this information is very helpful to OP. I’m happy to be wrong in this instance. I hope she can get out.

She needs a lawyer and to notify the police and Women’s Aid she is a victim of domestic abuse. Leaving the house does not take away her rights to the house in a Domestic abuse situation and just to prove it, I found this. The law recognises the potential danger

‘Be assured that, if you are a victim of abuse, there are legal means of protecting you. One immediate remedy to consider is getting an injunction to stop the abuser contacting the victim or forcing them to leave the house. However, if this feels too much as a first step, be clear that leaving the home does not mean losing rights of ownership. Importantly, children’s needs are never determined based on who remains living in the house. It can of course be more complex, and, to avoid the possible charge of abandonment if moving out, you may need to communicate with your abusive spouse which is where we can help to clarify and protect your rights. However, if you feel you or your children are in danger, don’t think twice about contacting the police and contact your local domestic abuse charity to, literally, seek refuge. The law will protect you.’

Absolutely she should. But she shouldn’t leave the house and risk reducing her claim to it unless she has not choice because she’s in danger.

Oof, sorry OP. You’re dealing with a 24/7 toddler tantrum in a man’s body. This is such a hard mountain to climb.

Which is why she needs to get to court and sort it out. When he’s shouting and intimidating, call the police. Get him on record as abusive and start divorce proceedings.

Which would mean leaving him in sole possession of the house. Also she can’t afford air bnb indefinitely.

IIRC she mentioned an AirBnb for one thing,

Don’t take his moods, his muttering etc as genuine. Guys like him spend their lives acting to achieve the result they want and he wants to guilt trip you into staying(edited typo), he wants control and if he thinks he’s won, he will then punish you.

For your sake and the sake of your children, get out. Don’t let him stay in your head. Don’t think of him as a human being..keep your empathy for your children. And yourself.
He does not merit it. Your empathy will trap you and he’s counting on your humanity to believe his act…admittedly, if he does lose you it won’t be entirely an act. There is anger, hatred and contempt. Not love

You have to believe that.
You married a monster so please try to get it together and free yourself for your children. He will turn them against you as they get older…that alone should drive you. He is dangerous. You should be using Women’s Aid and the police.
coercive control is now illegal and you can use this to get help.

I meant in the relationship. I’ve been with this OP on the thread since the start.

Sorry just realised after I posted that the thread has some history. Wishing you happiness @Ginge88 ... Hope you get sorted.