To find this H comment annoying

The shame is ALL his.
He is a rapist.
Coercive sexual control is rape and a crime.

Tell your GP.
Tell Women's aid.

You poor poor pet.

Your body knows he’s a wrong’un and the end is nigh. She is trying to keep you safely away from him. Keep moving forward, step by step

A lot of women have been in that situation Ginge. I know I have... a relationship that's gone on too long and your just waiting for that moment to end it but you're being pestered for sex and you think it's easier just to say yes so he'll leave you alone. Yip, done that more than once.

Let's not put a name to what kind of sex it was, and although PP are completely right in what they said, it's probably not helpful in the here and now. Let's just keep it as sex for the last time between a married couple.

Just keep moving forward, a day at a time Ginge and keep posting if it helps you. We're all here rooting for you ❤️

It’s ok @Ginge88
You did what you did and that’s ok. But do please listen to your body, it’s speaking to you loud and clear.
The simple fact that you can’t say no tells us why you can’t leave, you’re afraid. But you’re stronger than you think you are and I promise that once you have your own house and bed, you’ll feel safe.
Sending you hugs and strength x

This is out and out coercive rape. And he knows it. He knows you didn’t want it before, during, and after. Consent is more than choking out yes under pressure. He knows what he is doing

I really think you need some external support to enable you to leave. This is so upsetting to read as a mother of daughters.

Don’t worry about the sex thing..as in I did the same. Just to keep the peace. Seriously did the lie back and think of England thing. Count the cracks in the ceiling , look for spiderwebs I need to dust. Getting my ducks in a row and finding a place took me a year because I had not been allowed to work for anyone else and earn. I only got to work for OH, no pay.
These abusive guys don’t love. They use. If you react too much, he will push you more because he knows you don’t want it. The more you show it the more he will push it..it’s a joy to them , another way to abuse.

So don’t be ashamed of yourself. You can keep that promise for good once you have gone and that’s the part you have to try and get to. Leaving. Just remember he will be history and that’s to look forward to

hugs to you

Oh @Ginge88@Ginge88, badgering you into sex is also r*pe. Anything other than enthusiastic consent makes him a r@pist. It's hard to see it when you're in it, but trust me, I know from experience.

As an aside, I have no idea why my phone is tagging you twice. Sorry!

Sorry, my phone posted that before I finished - I was going to say please do not feel ashamed. He is a r*pist and abuser. All the shame is his to carry, none of it is yours.

[ he badgered me for sex and I gave in. He kept calling me a weirdo when I said no.]

Yeah, that's called r*pe @Ginge88@Ginge88

OP, its not easy.
You are getting stronger every day.
Post and let us support you.
I have no doubt tjat you are going to leave, when the time feels best for you and your boys.
Keep helping yourself by getting quietly organised.
We are here for you.

Oh Ginge, don't ever feel ashamed. This is one of the hardest things you'll ever do and you will be moving forward even if it's one tiny step at a time. Even having a thought about leaving is moving forward so never feel ashamed. You're a brave, strong woman so straighten that crown 👑 and hold your head high ❤️

You’ve no reason to feel ashamed @Ginge88
I understand, it took me over a year to finally leave x

OP I’ve been following, in a similar position of knowing what needs to be done but paralysing inaction taken hold. It’s easier said than done x1000. Please don’t be ashamed/hesitant to update if you just need somewhere to vent. Just wishing the best for you and willing you on.

How are you getting along @Ginge88 ?

@Ginge88

I just wondered how you and your boys are getting on - really hope all is ok

Oh, I wouldn’t tell him face to face if you think he’ll go crazy. You weren’t untrustworthy. You knew he would lie and needed proof of his behaviour.
These guys..again…can be sweetness and light in public and people won’t believe what goes on behind closed doors, so you needed the evidence. It’s also child abuse to be doing that in front of the children ..

I waited till I left and he was denying everything. I was crazy, making it up. So I told him over the phone on one of those calls. I told him I had copies with a solicitor. I didn’t. I never used them but he knew I could prove he was a liar and a cheat. He conceded he’d been lying but then it was my fault he’d cheated. Suddenly I wasn’t perfect any more but my poor communication drove him to cheat..which was bollocks cos he walked out the room any time I tried to communicate. Anyway, 2 of the OW had been on the go since before we even met.

If he starts to be difficult , I’d bring them to attention. If he just cooperates with a divorce and doesn’t make waves, because divorce is no fault anyway, you might only need them to show he is not a safe pair of hands for custody, if he is causing issues there. If he agrees, you can get divorced after one year separation. Or it was the case when I did. I had to wait 2 years because he didn’t want a divorce.
The more you can agree before going to court, the quicker and cheaper it is.
You can tell your solicitor you have them . As I say, divorce itself is usually no fault but they may help in other ways. Certainly if he escalates , the police would have evidence of prior behaviours.

I hate to think how many posts of exH’s hideous behaviour people would have had to read over our 13 year marriage before I finally left.

It is now 2 years on - my wonderful boyfriend is in the kitchen making my kids waffles for breakfast and has just brought me a coffee in bed. He would no sooner call me a fat bitch (like my ex did 100000 times) than grow wings and fly to the moon.

I am not saying a new man is the answer btw- he lives far away so most of the time I am by myself with the kids and we are happy, life is calm, we have a happy and hospitable home and we socialise far more then I ever did when I was married. Last night we had 3 families over from school who I didn’t know that well - the kids are mates - I would never have done that as exH would have hated it. I have to deal with exH’s shit frequently but less and less now as he has a new gf and his attention is focussed elsewhere. Life can be really happy @Ginge88

Just because there are 648 other threads about abusive husbands and fathers, that doesn't mean that OP can't start one to ask for advice and help about her own particular circumstances.

I'm not sure whether your post was meant as a criticism of the OP or a cry of despair that so many women are trapped in awful marriages with abusive men.

@Ginge88 You can tell your solicitor anything. All conversations and correspondence are legally privileged and therefore confidential.

For the 648th time, I’ve read this post before 🤷🏻‍♀️