Page 12 | To find this H comment annoying

Ginge88 · 2024-08-06T08:48:24+00:00

If I forget something or use the wrong plug or something, DH says loudly "And the 356th way Ginge has fucked up today is...." Or whatever number is in his head. Frustrating thing is I actually don't mess up things v much and it's him that needs reminders of everything But yes if he notices says the milk is left out or something il hear him say "and Ginge succeeds in fucking up for the 455th time this week" and chuckling to himself I've told him to stop. He tells me it's a joke. He does now do it less but he clearly thinks I'm being totally over sensitive Am I?

hildabaker · 26/01/2025 22:13

Ultimately, people will have to think what they think - you can't do anything about that. You've told them the truth and frankly you need to think of yourself and your children. Keep going lass x

Original poster

Ginge88 · 26/01/2025 21:10

I did record the latest outburst but it's just him pretend crying shouting "I just want you to love me" and "why are you so cruel?". And silence from me pretty much. It certainly doesn't sound like a man who is a danger to anyone.

This is the end. I've moved my things into the spare room today. I just need to keep going.

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MadnessIsMyMiddleName · 26/01/2025 15:37

I was just wondering if you recorded him having his melt down before he went out yesterday too, and if not, why not, as that would clearly show your friend and your Mum exactly why you want shot of him?

alrightluv · 26/01/2025 13:12

@Ginge88 did you record him? If so has your friend heard that?

Original poster

Ginge88 · 26/01/2025 12:51

cloudyfox · 26/01/2025 12:27

It's pretty classic for abusers to give the impression that they're "nice" "gentle" whatever other impression they want to give people. You often see it in news reports - "oh, but he was so nice, I never would have thought..."

It doesn't really matter what others think from outside. You are the one living it, Ginge. We believe you. There's no disappointment that you stayed either. I only wish you had more 'real-world' support. That's why so many are suggesting DV organisations.

Yes, thank you. I've found it hard to get through to the DV helpline. It's always busy. But I will try again this week. I did speak on a Web chat once. This thread and all you wonderful women are my main/only support RN.

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Original poster

Ginge88 · 26/01/2025 12:40

Through all of this - I'm trying my hardest to keep my kids happy. I think the desire to keep things normal is also a barrier to making the necessary moves of course.

But right now the 3 of us are watching Toy Story films on the sofa with endless supply of toast and hot chocolate and can honestly say they're happy and there is so much love between the 3 of us.

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cloudyfox · 26/01/2025 12:27

It's pretty classic for abusers to give the impression that they're "nice" "gentle" whatever other impression they want to give people. You often see it in news reports - "oh, but he was so nice, I never would have thought..."

It doesn't really matter what others think from outside. You are the one living it, Ginge. We believe you. There's no disappointment that you stayed either. I only wish you had more 'real-world' support. That's why so many are suggesting DV organisations.

Sunshineafterthehail · 26/01/2025 12:04

My exh didn't believe I would leave.. I got myself and dc a rental and went....
Actually I left 2 dh's this way.. Both cunts.. 1 shouty and aggressive.. 1 well spoken and believably decent.. He was actually the worst one... Lost a few mates when we split. They blamed me.
Seek legal advice tomorrow op.

hildabaker · 26/01/2025 11:59

In my opinion, this behaviour is designed to make to make you 'miss' him and want him back. He's still not understanding yet that you want to divorce him. he still thinks he has the upper hand and can reel you back.

Original poster

Ginge88 · 26/01/2025 11:50

He's left the house again for the day. calm and polite this morning, did some washing and then announcsd hes going to a fancy new gym in a city about 1.5 hr drive from where we are. He won't be back until tonight.

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thepariscrimefiles · 26/01/2025 11:48

Ginge88 · 26/01/2025 11:35

He came back last night sober as a judge. Totally calm and polite. I slept in the spare room.

My gut tells me he won't leave me and he won't go with another woman. He is actually v quiet, unassuming and polite. He never flirts with other women. He's definitely not big ego look at me type but yet somehow everything is about him. I've never worried about other women.

I know its frustrating that I stayed last night and didn't leave when he was out. I'm worried about him taking the house from us. My kid was ill. And my mum disagrees with this decision. As do lots of ppl. As my friend said "but he is so lovely and sweet. I just cannot imagine him saying something like that" when I disclosed to her.

I think I have to file for divorce. However I do this (phone, face to face) he won't accept it so I jisy need to progress with the legal side of things. I've already told him twice that I want to leave but he just doesn't take it seriously

I'm so sorry that your mum and your friend disagree with your decision. I'm surprised that your friend doesn't support you. Have you told her some of the awful things he has said and done? Surely she must realise that even the most awful, abusive men can rein in the abuse in public?

I would automatically believe and support my friend if she told me that she was leaving her husband, even if I thought that he was a nice man. I certainly wouldn't tell her that her decision was wrong.

hildabaker · 26/01/2025 11:40

He will have to take it seriously in the end. He's the type who will pretend that he can't understand why you want to split up, he will pretend that he's perfect and this is all on you. Be prepared for the alternating between over-nice, anger and self harm threats. Please contact Woman's Aid if you haven't already.

Original poster

Ginge88 · 26/01/2025 11:35

He came back last night sober as a judge. Totally calm and polite. I slept in the spare room.

My gut tells me he won't leave me and he won't go with another woman. He is actually v quiet, unassuming and polite. He never flirts with other women. He's definitely not big ego look at me type but yet somehow everything is about him. I've never worried about other women.

I know its frustrating that I stayed last night and didn't leave when he was out. I'm worried about him taking the house from us. My kid was ill. And my mum disagrees with this decision. As do lots of ppl. As my friend said "but he is so lovely and sweet. I just cannot imagine him saying something like that" when I disclosed to her.

I think I have to file for divorce. However I do this (phone, face to face) he won't accept it so I jisy need to progress with the legal side of things. I've already told him twice that I want to leave but he just doesn't take it seriously

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cloudyfox · 26/01/2025 11:09

He can feel his control slipping so he's stepped things up. This is all to get you back in line. Has he tried to contact you at all?

Sunshineafterthehail · 26/01/2025 11:02

He is waiting until the dc are scared he isn't coming back. Then a grand entrance... Then you will be the bad guy lf you suggest splitting up.... Such a cunt...

Navyontop · 26/01/2025 09:56

This could be positive, he might be leaving you.
Abusive men cheat when you’re no longer fooled and then blame you for their cheating.
Hopefully he’s met someone else, or he just simply wants to leave.
Update us if he comes back.

Lovethat · 26/01/2025 08:13

Do you think he deliberately tried to start an argument so he could pack a bag and leave for the night?

Do you know where he is? Could there be another woman? My ex threw an almighty tantrum once, out the blue, turns out he was having an affair and he wanted an excuse to leave for a few days, to go and see the ow.

kittycloud · 26/01/2025 07:31

I'm sorry, just read along the thread. Please stay safe OP.

kittycloud · 26/01/2025 07:30

MonsteraMama · 06/08/2024 09:54

Do it back. Fire with fire is the only way with thick headed idiots like this who don't listen when you tell them to pack it in.

Do it every time he fucks something up, even if it's really really minor. Do it right after sex, I'm sure he'll just find that just hilarious. You know , since it's such a funny joke. "Aaaand there it is folks, the 245th time Idiot Husband has failed to satisfy me in bed this year."

I like this idea. Horrible man, even in jest, if you tell someone often enough they're useless or keep fucking up, it's no good for your self esteem at all. Time to get him back where it hurts I say!

DearDenimEagle · 25/01/2025 22:31

Do you think, if he turns physical, he will let you phone? That’s delusional .

DearDenimEagle · 25/01/2025 22:26

That’s why you needed recordings of his abuse..secret voice activated secreted in the room. I always recommend it . You cannot play nice with narcissists. Whether they’re top of the spectrum or not. They don’t have empathy. They can’t feel love. They are self orientated. They can be vicious if they lose control of their subject. Their apparent empathy is cognitive..ie, they watched and learned how they should behave in certain situations but it’s only words to them to achieve their goal. Keep your phone near Set it so one press will record if he turns up . Don’t open the door and be ready to call 999 if he gets angry when you don’t let him in. Do not underestimate him.
He may well be leaving you to ‘stew’ , as he will see it, overnight.

If I were you, I’d leave first thing in the morning. Mother or air bnb ..anywhere . He has escalated by leaving . He will expect certain results. He won’t be happy when it doesn’t work. This is not a reasonable human being . Everything is an act with him and if the mask comes off this time, it won’t be pretty .
please , leave asap . Play it safe

mildlydispeptic · 25/01/2025 22:17

Sorry he's gone into man child tantrum mode, Ginge. And very sorry you can't lean on your mum at a time like this. You must be shattered after the past 24 hours.

Original poster

Ginge88 · 25/01/2025 21:29

I didn't text him telling him not to come back as yes it would make him instantly come back. He needs to feel everything is his idea. If I suggest something he becomes defensive or does the opposite. It's why I need to be strategic in how I approach the divorce. I need to work out how to make him feel in control somehow.

Anyway I've fucked up because I haven't gone to mum cos I couldn't face her and my son is realy not feeling great and she really doesnt want sick kids in her house. But now I'm sat here awake while the kids sleep just hoping he doest return. I'm not scared of him. I can't tell you how quickly I would call the police if he became physical.

I get what you saying about going to the police preemptively. But surely they'd laugh me out the place? My husband is upset I don't love him apparently and has decided to piss off for the evening. I can say he's abusive before but its a v hard thing to evidence

Thank you everyone. I promise I'll call someone if he comes back.

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Goldcushions2 · 25/01/2025 21:26

DearDenimEagle · 25/01/2025 20:30

Telling him not to return will have him racing back.. They have a habit of doing the opposite of what is asked. Mine proudly announced he was a contrarian 🤣 but for example..if I didn’t want to celebrate my birthday, I had to pretend it was important to celebrate. If I said, ignore my b’day, he’d organise a huge surprise dinner with guests. That’s just a simple example.

Ignore and go to mother. Let him find you gone if he returns. Don’t contact him. Tell police you’re scared, because hes abusive. That gives you breathing space till you can get the lawyer to move on him

Im beginning to remember things I’d tried to forget.

This is also a good suggestion too.
Definitely only engaging when he contacts you.
I do think his rape of you might get you an occupation order if you talk to Women's aid and the police.

Goldcushions2 · 25/01/2025 21:24

Stick a key in the door, don't allow him back in.
Ring 101 and tell them he was wild, hysterical, terrifyingly jealous of your children you are terrified of him.
Tell them you are trying to flee and and ask for help. That he raped you recently and you are terrified.
Tell them the children are scared of him.

I think he is deeply unstable and you should be terrified of him.
He is so jealous of his own children and clearly unhinged.
If you stick the key in the door you could stop him getting in.
Tell him its over and that his forced sex on you last week means there is no going back.

See how he responds to the accusation.
It would be great if you could get an admittal from him.

I feel so sorry for you.
Is there any friend you can call?