To find this H comment annoying

Your husband is just projecting when he calls you a man hater and says that he doesn't want this to affect your sons. Your opinion of the Tate brothers is one that anyone with a normal moral compass would have. They are rapists and child sex traffickers and he is defending them. He sounds like a danger to women and not fit to be any sort of role model for his sons.

The sooner you all get away from him the better.

I just reread your posts. He sounds desperately insecure and he's just been poisoned by it.

Why on earth did he cry throughout your counselling session?

Not that any of it matters... id just like you to escape from him.

He said you hate men? That’s him projecting his hate of the opposite sex onto you. We already know he only feels contempt because he has demonstrated it so many times with his put downs.
I would keep any conversation with him to an absolute minimum. Only practical life stuff re dinner, dishes, laundry, kids. No general discussion.
Any other statements re women, Tate, the weather, the word is ‘whatever’ ;)
Good luck with the mortgage advisor. Can you start separation agreement? People do share a house while waiting to qualify for divorce. Best not to share a bed though. You have to be separate.

We're here for you OP.

Ooh! Great that you're seeing a mortgage adviser OP. I do hope they give you good news.

As for him being a 'Tate' follower, it's hardly surprising, bearing in mind the way he treats you, and if hating men like that makes you 'extreme', then I vote for extremism!

Hang in there. Just keep making small steps. Eventually you'll look back on this time. The guy is a total loser.

Some people have said that bullies never actually go through with self-harm, or that people who talk about hurting themselves never do. That's not true. People do sometimes go through with doing these things to themselves.
The key point though is that if he does, it isn't your fault. It is his decision. You haven't caused it or made him do it - he has a choice about how to respond to whatever stress is going on (and he played a key role in causing that stress in the first place, of course).
From experience I'd say it is about remembering that you are not responsible for any self-harm if he chooses to go down that road. You are not responsible for whether he does it or not. If the only way to stop him self-harming is to give up your own happiness and autonomy or to compromise on things you do not want to compromise on, that is not a fair deal. And yes, I'd say the same even if he were threatening to end his own life (some might call me heartless on this but a lot of people are blackmailed every day by partners and relatives making these sorts of threats, and become effectively hostage to others as a result, and the only way to break the cycle is to remember that if they go through with the darkest threats, it still won't be your fault).
I realise it's easy for me to type this and a lot harder to live through it, so I wish you loads of luck @Ginge88. It sounds really difficult. I hope you are able to keep moving forwards with whatever you need to do for yourself and your children.

I too would like to know how you're supposed to actually get rid of him when your solicitor is telling you not to move out? Presumably his solicitor is giving him the same advise, so how does this work?

Please OP, don't be fooled by his threats of self harm, bullies NEVER do it, it's all just a way of manipulating you into doing what they want. Hang tough! You CAN do this!

Classic manipulation tactics. He’s not going to self harm, he just wants you to feel sorry for him so you’ll change your mind.

He was the 'big I am' when he was enjoying himself insulting you and saying things like "and the 356th way Ginge has fucked up today is...." in front of your kids but now he is fragile and vulnerable?

Bullies are always cowards and he wants you to feel guilty. He has brought everything on himself. He is an inadequate and poor excuse for a man who has an amazing and tolerant wife who he has driven to the point of despair and that he is now going to lose. He deserves everything he gets.

Please don't feel sorry for him.

If they allude to self harm, it’s manipulation. Those who really want to end it, don’t talk about it. Unfortunately. It’s always a shock to those left behind.
He is not fragile either. Or vulnerable He is playing on your sympathies. So he doesn’t move out.
The solicitor told you not to move out. What did they say you should do to get separated then? How do you get free of him? If he refuses to leave..which is basically what he is doing in a passive way.

Any good behaviour is temporary till he feels he’s got you where he wants you

Stressed and fragile? He will say those things as another control tactic. When I left an abusive ex (this was many years ago now) he threw himself onto the front of the taxi I was escaping in as it pulled away, and threatened to drop a large rock on his head, the absolute knob. Needless to say, he was still very much alive and had moved on to his next victim a few weeks later.

Good to hear the kids enjoyed World Book Day. Hang in there, op. More good days are yet to come.

These types don’t see themselves being reflected back, unfortunately. It’s not wise to antagonise them when you’re trying to leave or have just left …leaving is antagonising enough. Push the wrong buttons and the results can be devastating

This is disgusting. He is deliberately making fun of you.

Hope you're ok OP.

God just read this entire thread, hope you and your babies are OK ,he's awful

He must be exhausted being perfect ....prick
Start doing it back....exaggerate one of his features and do it back, very rarely do people like a taste of their own medicine

Wondering how you are OP?
Hope you are ok.

Just checking in to see how you are coping with it all now?

@Ginge88 .... He sees nothing wrong with demeaning you and screaming at you in front of the children. He is angry therefore in his head you are in the wrong as you have made him angry....
My ex would call me all sort of names - as far as his was concerned when he was angry he could say whatever he wanted.
What he did not realize was that every insult,was a small cut to my soul so by the end I was covered metaphorically in scars and it took one more than broke the camels back..!! I
I put up with it for 30 years but had an escape plan for the last three years - upscaled my qualifications and income so when I left and he paid no child support like I knew he wouldnt I was okay..... Its been nearly three years since I left and the peace at home is amazing...no more getting screamed at and working on eggshells