To find this H comment annoying

Im so sorry he won't just fuck off - absolutely sell the ring, use it toward getting rid of this vile, useless excuse of a human.

I don't have anything else to offer, I wish I could wave a magic wand and make him fuck off and then fuck off a bit more. Stay cool, calm, collected, don't get the wine out yet, wait til he's really gone, don't let him rile you.

You are not a 'stupid little girl', you're a fully functioning, strong, clever, rational adult woman. He on the other hand... barely human!

That’s why I was trying to see if a police report could get him out of the house, and why a phone call to 999 should be made where he can’t hear it

The ring is yours. It is a gift. I have both of mine. And #2 did ask for it…but I told him to spin slowly

I looked up the law The general rule relating to ring ownership is outlined in Section 3(3) of the Law Reform (Miscellaneous Provisions) Act 1970, which specifies that an engagement ring should be regarded as an 'absolute gift' and, as such, belongs to the person to whom it was given.4 Feb 2025

I'm warning you now, he is dangerous. Once he believes you are gone and he cannot manipulate you any longer, he's going to turn incredibly nasty and I do mean violent. You seem so unaware of the danger you are in. I don't just mean you. Your boys are in danger as well.

Please, take me seriously.

Stop feeling pity for his inadequacies. It's clouding your judgement.

You cannot trust him to keep his hands off you or your kids. The devious way his mind works is clear to anyone who has read all of your posts.

There is more danger in him than you can see.

He's eulogising that scumbag Tate FFS. A man who publicly admits women need and want to be strangled while being fucked against their will.

Open your eyes.

@Ginge88 You need proper legal advice but it might help you to know that the divorce (ending the marriage) is entirely separate from the financial settlement and arrangements for the children.

You absolutely need advice regarding the finances and children but you can do the divorce yourself online to save some money on solicitors fees. The online divorce fee is £593. Sell the ring if you need to. I agree that you should get the ball rolling next week.

I think you need to log with your solicitor how deeply unstable he is.

I think you need to verbalise that you feel deeply unsafe around him.

He doesn't care what your children witness.

He's a nasty nothing of a man.
You are going to get to the other side of this.

Surely the engagement ring was a gift and therefore your property to do with as you wish?

I remember reading this thread when you first started it. Look at how far you’ve come! You’re all organised and ready to file for divorce. He will go eventually. It’ll be stressful while he’s still there, I’ve supported friends through similar, but he will go. He can’t afford the place on his own. Hang in there.

Agree with this!

• i obviously meant covert (not overt) narcissistic abuse

@Ginge88 oh do you mean the engagement ring you sadly lost? how could losing a ring be held against you?

@Ginge88 you are stronger than you think, you have already proven it.

You can file for divorce online right now if you want.

I filed for divorce as a sole applicant, instead of joint, which gave me the power of being in control of some (not all) timings and deadlines. But check with your solicitor whats best for you.

make sure your solicitor understands your H is not reasonable nor amicable. keep reminding them of this when they give advice, it will change what they recommend.

now, for the liberating part. once the divorce is over you will feel a level of calm in your home that you forgot even existed. the space will be yours. you will create harmony and peace for you and your kids. yes, you will co parent, but you'll have much stronger boundaries and those conversations will live in a co parenting app.

if have the energy for it now, read up on overt narcissistic abuse. it will be an eye opener. it was for me.

power to you.

Are you still cooking for him and doing his laundry? If so, I would stop doing it from now on as you are no longer a couple. It goes without saying that he should not be pestering you for sex like he has previously done. Hopefully this is no longer happening now you are sleeping in separate bedrooms.

Keep yourself and your children safe and never underestimate how difficult he will make this as he is the one who has everything to lose.

I wish you all the luck in the world to get rid of this dreadful, bitter and wholly inadequate man and to create a happy home for you and your boys.

Yes, divorce is the way to go. I’m in Scotland. Our divorce is different to England…no decree nisi for a start. You go to court, judge says ..I grant the divorce and it’s done. No 6 week wait. If there are no children, don’t even have to go to court and don’t need lawyers, so I’m not up on English procedure

The lawyer will advise. I know that costs but best and quickest to get it right first time.

Hi OP, sorry I can't answer your question, but I just wanted to say that I am so pleased that you're now ready to take the next step. Your solicitor will tell you the best way to do things, but whatever happens, make sure that you keep yourself and your kids safe. Sending you a big hug, and wishing you courage. It won't be easy, that I do know, but you can't carry on like this, it's not fair to you or the kids.

@Ginge88 Do not feel shame , either. Leaving is not easy, especially with children and especially when you’re with that type of personality that will not cooperate at all. He plays games, to feel power. We knew he would revert to type. The mask never stays on for long once he has let it slip and he did that when he started demeaning you. Anything else is breadcrumbs of nice so you stay for more abuse later in hope it’s just a marital blip.

If you can start divorce proceedings , do. Ask the lawyer to start. There are children so it’s no quickie divorce. You can read up on it on gov.uk website

Ask the lawyer about >If he threatens or shouts, should you call the police..not in front of him but from the bathroom or somewhere out of earshot. If you can get him on record as verbally abusive and threatening and tell the police you are afraid. There are children in the house seeing him abuse you. Can they remove him? A genuine shouting episode that the children witness . Authorities are getting wiser to these personalities.

He's too lazy to actually leave, so you are going to have to do the heavy lifting. Call women's aid, get some solid practical advice.

How old are your kids OP?
You all deserve so much better
Have the wine when the kids get to bed xxx

You are feeling guilty because you were brought up to put a man's needs first. And he's manipulating that sense of responsibility by playing the poor upset man who NEEDS you. Except he's not, he's a monster playing the part of a poor upset man. Remember, your mum, your friend, haven't seen the other side of him. They have seen Mr Jekyll. You are living with Mr Hyde.

Hang in there, Ginge. I'm hoping your mum is stepping up a bit and supporting you. It's hard to withstand a mega guilt trip if your family aren't furious in your behalf and backing you 100%. But either way, you've got this.

Oh, btw, it’s called trauma bond. You are so used to him, it’s almost normalised and think of it as Stockholm syndrome.

You do need to be cured of it. He is unworthy

and at the end of the day, your children should not see these interactions between adults as it will firm their ideas of what is normal and right. Do you want them to have similar relationships when they get older, because that is what happens ..they find what they know

He is counting on you feeling guilt and pity.
Don’t

You have nothing to feel guilty about and he does not deserve your pity.
You are a decent person..and that’s why he chose you. You are everything he isn’t but aspires to be perceived as. Guys like him want superior women..to show off what they can pull, but also to knock down, humiliate, belittle and demean to make themselves feel superior to you.

Get angry. Lose the guilt and pity. He deserves neither. He is a cold manipulator and life is too short to waste any more time on him. You are young , but believe me..your life will go by in a flash and you will look back and regret every minute you wasted on him, after you realised his true self. We only get one chance at this life. Don’t give him a minute more. You deserve better and you really should be fighting to get free.

Most of my life went on the 2 monsters who had me in emotional jail..I pitied and tried to excuse their cruelty. Thought I could make it work. It’s wrong to just quit..but it isn’t. Not with these types. I wish I hadn't tried to hold on to the dream. . Now I’m old, because I had a stroke, got heart issues, and infirmity is looming. Wasted my life. Please don’t do the same.

You feel guilt and pity because you are a decent person, but he isn't. Can you imagine if the situation were reversed, would he feel guilt and pity over leaving you?