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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Someone’s been in my bedroom

287 replies

Hakunamatoto · 06/08/2024 00:13

This isn’t really an AIBU but I didn’t know where to put it. Sorry.

Just back from a long weekend away tonight. Kids are on holiday with my ex-DH so the house was empty. Neighbour had a key to feed the cat.

Someone’s been in my bedroom. The bed has clearly been sat on, and there are things out of place in my bedside drawer, my knicker drawer and my desk.

I’m absolutely mortified and feel violated. There are things in my drawers that are extremely private. I don’t know what to do. Nothing is missing that I can see (there was a £50 in cash in the drawer by my bed so that would’ve been easily visible). The only other person with a key to my house is my mum (and ex-DU but he is abroad with DCs). Neighbour is more of a friend than just a neighbour. I’m trying to think of an innocent explanation or rationalising it as just cheeky nosiness. But the thought of someone rifling through my private things is horrible.

OP posts:
Mongrelsrbeautiful · 06/08/2024 09:06

PortiasBiscuit · 06/08/2024 06:10

The neighbour has had a nosy. You cannot prove anything and they will deny everything.
Just don’t give them the key again.

And forget about it.I imagine this will happen to a very high proportion of people who ask neighbours to pop in, whilst on holiday. People are nosey.

Andthereitis · 06/08/2024 08:58

A bedroom lock will solve the problem for the future. But won't remove the not knowing.

I'd stop it from happening and say if asked that the cat messed up in there and needs to be kept out.

TallulahBetty · 06/08/2024 08:58

Change the locks, and see who mentions it to you first!

Original poster
Hakunamatoto · 06/08/2024 08:55

Blondiebeachbabe · 06/08/2024 08:48

I feed my neighbours cats, and I have to go into the bedrooms, because the neighbour often wants to know if the cats are home. They often sleep in the bedroom, so I have to go and check. That wouldn't explain drawers being opened though.

Yes, I can see a scenario where neighbour has gone upstairs and stroked the cat on the bed or something. That’s fine. But not the drawers. The other, less ‘interesting’ drawers aren’t touched either.

Someone else mentioned neighbour’s husband. That’s such a disgusting thought.

I’m second guessing myself now. Obviously I packed knickers. I also took a couple of things from my bedside drawer. But I packed the night before and will always leave things neat. Argh.

OP posts:
Strawberriesandpimms · 06/08/2024 08:54

Change the locks and use a cattery next time. Def your neighbour/friend was having a nosy!

Sinderalla · 06/08/2024 08:54

My husbands sister done this. We put locks on out doors and when she baby sat we locked all doors to rooms she didn't need into.
CF

She left her big ass prints at each side of my bed where she sat down for a nosey through our drawers.
It makes me so mad

merryandbrightdelight · 06/08/2024 08:53

@ThisIsWhatIDo yes! Awful! 😂

ThisIsWhatIDo · 06/08/2024 08:52

merryandbrightdelight · 06/08/2024 00:43

@Devonshiregal it's a true story that did the rounds on here years ago, really creepy. Google 'savernake forest Mumsnet ' (tomorrow, in the daylight!) and click on the third one down and someone has re-posted it. It still gives me the shudders

OMFG 😱

Sinderalla · 06/08/2024 08:51

Go away again but leave a camera

Sinderalla · 06/08/2024 08:50

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 06/08/2024 00:22

What is phrogging? <<scared to Google>>

Me too. Terrified!

rainbowstardrops · 06/08/2024 08:48

Oh that would really unnerve me too!
I'd firstly mention it to your mum and ask her if she'd been in your bedroom. If she hasn't, I'd have to ask the neighbour.

Blondiebeachbabe · 06/08/2024 08:48

I feed my neighbours cats, and I have to go into the bedrooms, because the neighbour often wants to know if the cats are home. They often sleep in the bedroom, so I have to go and check. That wouldn't explain drawers being opened though.

Dobest · 06/08/2024 08:42

Neighbour's husband used the key.

Hope he washed the knickers afterwards.

bergamotorange · 06/08/2024 08:42

Personally I would change the locks and not allow them back next time, can you afford to use a cat kennel instead for your next holiday?

I wouldn't bother second-guessing yourself, I think you know someone has been in there as you are very tidy.

It is a very big violation and it is understandable if this has upset you a lot.

NotSureWhatUsernameToChoose · 06/08/2024 08:41

Why not rifle through the bookcase downstairs, or my kitchen cupboards?!

Because the bookcase it open and can't be rifled through - you can SEE the books, and who is interested in how many egg-whisks you have?? "Oooh John, you should have seen how many non stick pans Margery next door has! Shocking! Who would have thought it of her?!" said no-one, ever.

NeedSomeAnswersPlease · 06/08/2024 08:40

Seeing your latest update it's absolutely a case of you left it a little messier than normal and the cat was sat on your bed

shockthemonkey · 06/08/2024 08:38

When I cat-sit for my friend she makes it known that she wishes me to stay as long as I can to give cat a fuss and generally be with him. As the cat often slept on her bed, I would often sit beside him and stroke / play with him as appropriate.

I leave her knickers well alone of course. But I might sometimes leave a slight impression on the bed… (mind you, so does the cat!)

GingerPirate · 06/08/2024 08:36

GingerPirate · 06/08/2024 08:35

It's a bit of a silly suggestion, but couldn't it
have been the cat on the bed?
Not saying he could open drawers, however, my neighbour's cat is extremely nosey/curious
and a clever bugger, many times I found him upstairs or in the garage, sometimes he quietly walks in on us, goes through the whole house, looks at husband in bed in the morning and quietly disappears again like a smell.
😐

Ha, missed your last update!

GingerPirate · 06/08/2024 08:35

It's a bit of a silly suggestion, but couldn't it
have been the cat on the bed?
Not saying he could open drawers, however, my neighbour's cat is extremely nosey/curious
and a clever bugger, many times I found him upstairs or in the garage, sometimes he quietly walks in on us, goes through the whole house, looks at husband in bed in the morning and quietly disappears again like a smell.
😐

Original poster
Hakunamatoto · 06/08/2024 08:35

Thanks everyone. I’ve been asleep, hence no replies!

I am anal to the point of amusing the DCs about neatness in my bedroom. If it’s not a right angle, it’s a wrong angle! Even in drawers. So I’m absolutely certain that something’s gone on. It’s not that they haven’t covered their tracks, just that I can see things have changed slightly.

i would also be amazed if I’d left the bed like that as I always make it as the very last thing I do before leaving the room (I am exceptionally boring with my routine, I know!).

I suppose the cat could’ve come in. That would explain the bed and desk (world’s cheapest dressing table!). But unless I have an extremely clever cat it wouldn’t explain the drawers.

I don’t have cameras.

I don’t think the locks need changing. Neighbour returns the key each time I go away, so doesn’t have her own. She does have a DH and kids, and I’ve never asked which of them actually comes over to feed the cat.

I don’t know about mentioning it. Honestly the thought of them snooping makes me so embarrassed and upset. I suppose I can imagine how common it is, but I’d never violate someone’s personal space and snoop like that. It’s literally the most private space I have. Why not rifle through the bookcase downstairs, or my kitchen cupboards?!

OP posts:
OutOfChargeNow · 06/08/2024 08:28

OutOfChargeNow · 06/08/2024 06:07

I would conceived getting the locks changed and a new key in case the neighbour made a copy…

*consider. Grr too late to edit.

ticktickticktickBOOM · 06/08/2024 08:28

MegsNaiceJam · 06/08/2024 02:05

That is awful. I never leave anyone with a key.

My friend’s mother in law is nosey, and she used to go through their drawers. Having had enough, my friend left a note in her knicker drawer that said, “Fuck Off from being nosey, Carol, you are on our cameras” and since then the drawers remain closed.

😆

ViciousCurrentBun · 06/08/2024 08:27

You have just said neighbour. Is neighbour a man or a woman?

Sunnyside4 · 06/08/2024 08:25

Don't suppose your Mum wanted to borrow something from you and didn't want to trouble you while you were away.

If it was just the bed that was sat on though, I'd have immediately said someone was pampering your cat on the bed!

Spinachandcheese · 06/08/2024 08:18

Neighbour brought boyfriend along and while she was feeding the cat he had a nosy upstairs