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AIBU?

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Original poster

Someone’s been in my bedroom

287 replies

Hakunamatoto · 06/08/2024 00:13

This isn’t really an AIBU but I didn’t know where to put it. Sorry.

Just back from a long weekend away tonight. Kids are on holiday with my ex-DH so the house was empty. Neighbour had a key to feed the cat.

Someone’s been in my bedroom. The bed has clearly been sat on, and there are things out of place in my bedside drawer, my knicker drawer and my desk.

I’m absolutely mortified and feel violated. There are things in my drawers that are extremely private. I don’t know what to do. Nothing is missing that I can see (there was a £50 in cash in the drawer by my bed so that would’ve been easily visible). The only other person with a key to my house is my mum (and ex-DU but he is abroad with DCs). Neighbour is more of a friend than just a neighbour. I’m trying to think of an innocent explanation or rationalising it as just cheeky nosiness. But the thought of someone rifling through my private things is horrible.

OP posts:
oakleaffy · 06/08/2024 11:23

Hakunamatoto · 06/08/2024 08:55

Yes, I can see a scenario where neighbour has gone upstairs and stroked the cat on the bed or something. That’s fine. But not the drawers. The other, less ‘interesting’ drawers aren’t touched either.

Someone else mentioned neighbour’s husband. That’s such a disgusting thought.

I’m second guessing myself now. Obviously I packed knickers. I also took a couple of things from my bedside drawer. But I packed the night before and will always leave things neat. Argh.

Show quote history

I replied before about a neighbour who went through my neighbour's drawers, snooping...

Well...before this happened, Neighbour had MY keys.

I had a lodger at the time, and was away for the whole of the school holidays.

When I got back, I thought ''Strange, my bed has been slept in''

I ALWAYS change the sheets to come back to fresh sheets after a long journey.

Son's bed also was grimy...

Can you credit it, but the lodger had had all his friends to stay- including in my bedroom and son's,

The neighbour actually ordered them out!

She told me when I got home.

No neighbour now has a key where I live now.

bakail · 06/08/2024 11:21

I had to leave builders in my home every day for several weeks. I used a small lockable suitcase, put all my personal possessions in it, including underwear and kept it under the bed. It might seem an odd thing to do, but how would anyone know unless they were snooping. After some of the things an electrician friend told me, I never left personal stuff in the washing basket either.

Menstum · 06/08/2024 11:12

If it's your neighbour I certainly wouldn't give her my keys again.

Strangerthanfictions · 06/08/2024 11:11

Maybe you could say to both neighbour and mum can you check they definitely weren't upstairs in your bedroom for any reason because there are undeniable signs of someone having been in there and in your things which is really unnerving for you and on the assumption that they weren't up there you've spoken to police are they coming round to have a look and do some fingerprint samples but they want you to check it wasn't anyone with access and also possibly take fingerprint samples as they'll check downstairs for signs of entry. See what that flushes out of them

sleekcat · 06/08/2024 11:10

I think it is most likely the neighbour being nosy. Which isn't ok obviously.

MumApril1990 · 06/08/2024 11:06

Some people are just really nosy. I caught my sister rummaging through my bedside cabinets obviously knowing that’s where more private items would be stored. She said she was admiring the furniture or something but obviously snooping.

I would honestly just leave it you’ve nothing you need to be ashamed of and people are strange x

Dontfuckingsaycheese · 06/08/2024 11:03

shockthemonkey · 06/08/2024 08:38

When I cat-sit for my friend she makes it known that she wishes me to stay as long as I can to give cat a fuss and generally be with him. As the cat often slept on her bed, I would often sit beside him and stroke / play with him as appropriate.

I leave her knickers well alone of course. But I might sometimes leave a slight impression on the bed… (mind you, so does the cat!)

Me too! I’d linger for sometimes half an hour or more to keep them company. My son (youngish) would sometimes come round, and I remember either mum or possibly sister coming round - would get quite settled! Get the TV on!
I don’t remember touching any knickers either though!

AssassinsEyebrow · 06/08/2024 10:54

Your neighbour might return the key but have had another one cut

I don't know why you haven't called the police tbh. You should do.

Yerroblemom1923 · 06/08/2024 10:52

Is Savernake not a true story then?!

GoldOnyx · 06/08/2024 10:45

merryandbrightdelight · 06/08/2024 00:34

@StormingNorman give us a clue! I'm curious but I'm too scared to Google - the Savernake Forest story still lives in my head rent free 😂

Me too!! 😭😭😭

SmileyHappyPeopleInTheSun · 06/08/2024 10:44

MIL cat sits for her neighbour now - as she puts the food down by back door and leaves. Previous friend of neighbours searched the house for the cat - opening draws and cupboards as she hadn't seen the cat that day - IL said it was a indoor outdoor cat and rarely in the house and they told this mate they'd seen it.

MIL thought friend was a cheeky one and just being noisy - though we do like pics of our indoor cats when we go away to know that are okay.

Northernparent68 · 06/08/2024 10:44

I’d be careful of accusing your mother or neighbour, without evidence

Pookerrod · 06/08/2024 10:41

Hakunamatoto · 06/08/2024 08:35

Thanks everyone. I’ve been asleep, hence no replies!

I am anal to the point of amusing the DCs about neatness in my bedroom. If it’s not a right angle, it’s a wrong angle! Even in drawers. So I’m absolutely certain that something’s gone on. It’s not that they haven’t covered their tracks, just that I can see things have changed slightly.

i would also be amazed if I’d left the bed like that as I always make it as the very last thing I do before leaving the room (I am exceptionally boring with my routine, I know!).

I suppose the cat could’ve come in. That would explain the bed and desk (world’s cheapest dressing table!). But unless I have an extremely clever cat it wouldn’t explain the drawers.

I don’t have cameras.

I don’t think the locks need changing. Neighbour returns the key each time I go away, so doesn’t have her own. She does have a DH and kids, and I’ve never asked which of them actually comes over to feed the cat.

I don’t know about mentioning it. Honestly the thought of them snooping makes me so embarrassed and upset. I suppose I can imagine how common it is, but I’d never violate someone’s personal space and snoop like that. It’s literally the most private space I have. Why not rifle through the bookcase downstairs, or my kitchen cupboards?!

Does you neighbour have a teenage daughter? If so, I think there’s your culprit.

I’m embarrassed to say that when I was a young teen and feeding the neighbours cat, I did a bit of snooping. It was just boredom in the holidays. I tried on the lady’s lovely fancy dresses and jewellery and shoes! I thought I had put everything back properly but reading this now, and being all of 13, I bet I didn’t and she knew or suspected my mum. God how mortifying to think about 😳

Edingril · 06/08/2024 10:32

If you really think this call the police, according to a lot on here they have plenty of time on their hands recently

Footballwidow24 · 06/08/2024 10:31

Cats absolutely can open drawers - maybe watch for a few days and see if this happens again! Because if you bring this up with your neighbour they will never cat sit for you again (and if your neighbour suspects her husband, might lead to divorce!)

Ifitaintgotnoswing · 06/08/2024 10:26

I suspect her DH having a snoop to see what knickers or other racy things you might own

AdmittowearingCrocs · 06/08/2024 10:25

Macandcheeese · 06/08/2024 00:55

Just as I read this my 9 month old sighed in her sleep. Scared the living daylights out of me 🤦🏼‍♀️

Show quote history

😂😂😂

MeridianB · 06/08/2024 10:25

Sorry Op - this is horrid.

I’m afraid I think your neighbour has been snooping.

Snoopdoggyd · 06/08/2024 10:24

Your neighbour probably went in to find the cat, sat on the bed next to it and gave it a stroke. Ask her?!

AltitudeCheck · 06/08/2024 10:19

Could your ex-DH have given his key to anyone or could someone have taken it without him knowing? Does he have a new (psycho!) partner or any reason to ask someone to look for information/ items in your house?

I would speak to your neighbour & mum and say you want to rule them out before you take this further. Maybe say you are sure the bed had been sat on (and not mention the drawers) to give them an easy explaination 'went upstairs to check on cat as hadn't seen it / heard a noise and went to investigate and found cat sat on the bed'

Lemonyyy · 06/08/2024 10:15

Does your neighbour have kids they could’ve sent over to feed the cat? If they do, I’d quietly say something like “hey I’m just wondering if you sent Timmy over to feed the cat? Some stuff has been disturbed in my bedroom so could you just have a word with him about how inappropriate that is?” Then even if it was her she can save face.

I’d ask my mum outright, but you’d know if she has form for that sort of behaviour!

FluffyLemonClouds · 06/08/2024 10:10

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 06/08/2024 09:50

This happened to us. Also thought someone had broken into the house. It turned out that it was my mum who had quietly made copies of my keys phoning up relatives and telling them to come stay whenever she knew we were away. My sister accidentally let the cat out of the bag a long time later, so they were all in on it and thought it was hilarious. Before the days of ring doorbells or I would have got one then and there.

They have no respect for you whatsoever. I hope you went NC after that .

PfishFood · 06/08/2024 10:08

Yes, the cat could have been on the bed but as you've said it doesn't explain why the drawers aren't how you left them.

Ultimately you have no proof for this time, but I'd recommend getting a Ring doorbell and some indoor cameras for next time you're away.

We have indoor cameras that we use while we're away to keep an eye on the cats.

Also, we close our bedroom door. It does mean that the cats don't get to sleep on our bed while we're away, but they've plenty of other places to sleep, so they're not too hard done by. That way there's no reason for anyone to go in there.

timenowplease · 06/08/2024 10:03

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 06/08/2024 09:50

This happened to us. Also thought someone had broken into the house. It turned out that it was my mum who had quietly made copies of my keys phoning up relatives and telling them to come stay whenever she knew we were away. My sister accidentally let the cat out of the bag a long time later, so they were all in on it and thought it was hilarious. Before the days of ring doorbells or I would have got one then and there.

Woah, WTAF!! What did you do when you found out? Are you still in contact?

murmuration · 06/08/2024 10:03

My cats have recently (at 5 years old) taken to opening drawers. However, there is a fair amount of 'cat evidence' towards things, e.g., things out of place mean pulled out and hanging over the edge, dumped on the floor, smooshed untidily so they can burrow under it, etc. They don't rifle...