Someone’s been in my bedroom

Please don’t ask them again. There are plenty of reputable cat sitters.

I would find it difficult not to say something. I'd want him to know I knew. Though I understand it might make it awkward for you. Your neighbour will likely want to know why you're not leaving your keys with her next time.

She wont. She will just sit there and seethe.

A slight aside but could save some MNetters some cash, you can usually get levers changed in an existing lock, which means it needs new/different keys, but cheaper than a whole lock being changed.

You could reply to your neighbour. "That explains it...someone has rifled through your bedroom drawers"

I urge you to change the front door lock, he could well have made a copy of the key he was using. He already can't be trusted,don't presume he has any morals whatsoever.

Oh dear.

Could it still be the kids messing about though? I understand how you feel so violated, especially if it’s the husband for pervy reasons. But, if it’s the kids, would you feel better?

How good a friend is your female neighbour? Could you have a coffee with her in a couple of weeks and just be honest with her, i.e. you hate to bring it up, but it’s creeped you out to see someones’s been rooting in the bedroom so you just had to ask. Maybe she’ll say sorry the kids went in there, or fess up she did (if she’s honest), or clearly lie, or perhaps she suspects her husband’s a perv and it’ll help her to know.

Instinct can be wrong. But it shouldn’t be ignored. Reading your posts, it looks like you’ve had a gut instinct something’s properly off.

We’re all different. If it helps to get another perspective, I wouldn’t notice if someone had snooped around - drawers not that tidy! And even if I did think they had, I wouldn’t give a damn if they’d seen my stuff, unless it’s to rob me or something. Their problem, not mine. But I’d want to know how honest they were to know if I could trust them. That’s why I’d ask directly if it bothers you and see how they respond. Nothing for you to be embarrassed about. The stuff you have’s to be expected in a bedroom drawer.

But, if I found out/deduced it was a pervy man, I’d think what a sad fecker, give him a wide berth and change the lock barrel to know for sure who’s got a key.

I knew it would be. Disgusting man. I strongly urge you to change your locks and find a different cat sitter. Please never let this man enter your home again.

You're being very courageous here. I don't think I'd be able to stop myself from messaging back "I thought as much, your perverted husband is never to set foot in my home again. You can tell him I've reported him to the police."

I actually would report this via the online form to your local police. I know there's no concrete proof, but men like these often go on to more serious things, take flashers for example, they are known to eventually go on to become rapists etc. This man is utterly disgusting, and I think you should report this violation. You consented for your female neighbour to feed your cat, you did not consent to her husband rifling through your underwear and dildo drawer and doing fuck knows what sat on your bed. Dirty, disgusting pervert.

I'm sorry this happened to you.

ETA: I'd be binning the vibrator and buying a new one. Just for my own privacy and knowledge. You never know, the police may take it seriously and come out to fingerprint...sometimes the police do actually action things we think they wouldn't.

@Hakunamatoto it is his shame, not yours. Take control of it. Own it. Everytime you see him don’t avert your eyes in embarrassment - give him a hard stare. Make him embarrassed. Not you. He’ll be mortified and feel small for the rest of his life.

I've experienced this with a family member OP. I feel your pain.

Unfortunately there are people like 'that' in the world.
I trusted the wrong person with a key ONCE.
They rearranged my living room and went through personal items in my bedroom. Angry didn't cover it 😡 (not a relation either)

Could they have been looking for the cat and sat on your bed to give the cat a stroke? Obviously no explanation for drawers but my drawers are not neat enough to know if anyone has been in them.

Wait how old are their kids? Because most likely thing is one or both of their kids came with to help. They all went looking for cat or to use loo (small children’s bladders) and one of the kids ran in and started grabbing at stuff as kids do. Neighbour shooed them out and tried to right things and thought nothing of it but you’re so…anal neat (sorry 😂) …that you did notice. Unless they’re actually baby babies in which case it’s just creepy

🤣 would cut down on the washing that's for sure

£30 you say? And the website again was….?

Your neighbour's husband has been sat on your bed having a wank into your pants. Saving himself paying £30 to buy them from a consenting woman on Panty Deal.

I'd be casually asking your neighbour if it was only her who went around.

Are any pants (clean or dirty) missing? Some men even get turned on by the big cotton granny pants.

This was all about fetishism and an escalating pattern of a serial killer.

Well yes, though an art project that is inspired by such a person, which relies on the fetishism and pattern not of someone intending to kill or defile the actual person, but instead of a house sitter who has been trusted and given a key, was also reason enough for me to rethink pet feeding plans.
I don't believe I meet many serial killers. I most definitely do meet many art students who would probably push boundaries for a dissertation.

I would be changing the locks OP, because whichever freak snooped through your knicker drawer has had your keys and could have made themselves a copy, to come and go whenever they please.

Savernake Forest is a real place. That story is an invention by someone who has a fanciful imagination. It’s definitely not a real story!

True 😂

How horrible to think of someone going through your bedroom drawers. I don’t have any pets, nor do I go on holiday much, but my partner is a bit fussy about keys. The only person who has a spare key is his adult daughter and she never has had the need to use it - only once when we had to leave to go to A&E and both forgot our key in the rush! She travelled around 6 miles in the early hours of the morning to let us in (bless her). I do have my elderly neighbour’s key but have never used it. She visits family occasionally and she likes us to have access if needed - and also she often goes out without her key!

We converted our small bedroom into an office and have a large 4-drawer metal filing cabinet which we always keep locked. All our paperwork and valuables/jewellery are kept in there so there is nothing anyone could find of interest in the rest of the house. It would give me a very uncomfortable ick if I thought that someone was snooping around my underwear drawer though! Or even my wardrobes.

My mum’s neighbour used to snoop. She used to help out by doing her laundry and a bit of cleaning (my mum was elderly) and I once arrived unexpectedly and caught her trying on my mum’s jewellery. My mum was asleep in her chair and she was in the adjacent bedroom. She tried to say that she was changing the bed but I caught her sitting on the bed with a large box file in front of her, together with the jewellery box. In addition to the looking at the jewellery, she was obviously snooping around my mum’s paperwork (bank statements/will etc.). She was easily visible from the hallway. My mum didn’t have much that was valuable, but I subsequently bought her a small lockable filing cabinet which she kept at the bottom of the wardrobe. I also explained to the neighbour that I would be asking my mum’s regular cleaner to do extra hours, to include changing beds and laundry (communal laundry in sheltered accommodation flat) and explained that it wouldn’t be necessary to help out. I obviously couldn’t accuse her of anything (only snooping) but it left a terrible taste in my mouth.

I hope this doesn't sound sexist but my gut feeling is that a woman would have noticed the dip in the bed cover. She would have smoothed it over.

@timenowplease @FluffyLemonClouds

This was a long time ago, And DM has passed, but yes it was a difficult relationship. They thought our place was communal family property.

I mentioned it because I think in OP's case, however unlikely you think it is, it will most likely be a key holder. But as others have said, they could have been collecting the cat to bring it downstairs to feed it.

I hope you can exorcise the feeling OP. If you are just giving access for tending to the cat, you could put a combination key lock on certain doors upstairs for peace of mind.