Someone’s been in my bedroom

I would be incredibly upset and hurt at this, OP. It's an appalling breach of privacy. I thought straightaway it was the guy rather than his wife as soon as you mentioned your underwear. I wouldn't be able to look him in the eye - not out of shame or embarrassment but because I would hate him so much.

How old are their children? Could a parent have taken them and they ran up the stairs?

How do they manage that? Loo, food, etc

Every cloud… 😂. Happy shopping.

Or go round with some flowers/something to thank her for popping over and say "Should I thank your DH too or was it just you that fed cat?"

Could you ask neighbour if her DH came in, say there was a big shoe print on the floor and if it's not him then you're worried it was a burglar. She would casually say oh yes we both went over at different times or whatever.

@Hakunamatoto would be great if could you wrap up the now unwanted vibrator, hand it to him and ask him if this is what he was looking for? 😂

if it was him, what a disgusting perv.

Sorry if this has been suggested, I haven’t read all the replies.

Dont put a lock on the door but next time you’re away put a motion detected camera hidden in your bedroom so you’ll know if anyone goes in. In your private drawer, leave a note saying, ‘fuck off xx, I know you’re a creepy perv’.

It's horrible OP but unless you're going to confront him, then I agree with just getting a lock put on and chucking the vibrator! I'd probably buy new underwear too. I once had a creepy builder in who'd rifled through my drawers and obviously seen my lingerie, sex toys and everyday underwear. I fired him and reported it, but had to chuck everything as I couldn't bear the thought of every using stuff his pervy hands (or anything else) might have touched

You've handled really well so far. I have to laugh at the posters saying they'd have it out with the husband or tell the wife!

As if!! They will just deny, deny, deny!!

Also wife will NEVER believe you. She suspect you're just some single woman looking for an opportunity to cause trouble and steal her absolute prize of a husband.

This.

I'd just avoid them as much as possible - get rid of items and come up with reason to use someone else or cat sitting service - we found a very professional one - and lock boxes/fire proof case/lockable filing cabinets/bed room door lock consider.

My IL had world most incompetent bulger - left most of items at bottom of garden fence - or were retrieve as the police quickly caught him. MIL said it was the violation of privacy and the ickyness of that she struggled with long after. Doing things like getting rid of underwear despite there being no weirdness indicated and getting a house alarm - helped felling she/they were doing something proactive.

Next time I seen him I would just say
I understand you came into my home to see to the cat
And just give him a hard stare. Wait for his reply.
Dirty snoopy little git. Ughh.

@Hakunamatoto Im really sorry this has happened to you. Its a huge invasion of privacy and i imagine you feel violated to some degree.

Whilst there is no concrete evidence it is your neighbours DH that has done this I would think carefully about your next more.

By all means say nothing and avoid him, never use them again. The other option is set a trap to him confessing.

For example, you could say that you had noticed some things out of place when you got back, didnt think anything of it but you cant find something things now and think you may have been burgled and are going to contact the police. Mention (some made up things) like a couple of things in the living room being moved, then also mention you noticed when you got back your bedroom had been disturbed and some draws gone through. Don't accuse just say what happened, then say you are contacting the police as you think you may have been burgled so you want to be sure no one else had access.

You will be telling your neighbour what her DH has done without actually telling her whilst she thinks the police maybe involved she will give him an absolute rocket up his ass and he will likely confess.

Thats what i would do anyway.

How absolutely unacceptable! I'd be fuming and while I am also not one for causing tension I would definitely reply to your friend and say 'oh god I'd noticed someone had been in my bedroom drawers which is why I was wondering if anyone other than you had been in so please say it was you!' as then she'll either have to confess to being a nosey shit or knowing her husband is a creepy perv and then it's her problem to sort.

Cat not car!

Could the car have gotten into your bedroom?

Next time you go away, leave a post it note on your vibrator saying "If you're going to borrow this again, please make sure you clean it afterwards this time".

Oh OP how shit :(

I've had your thread on my watchlist as I too thought it was the husband.

You've handled really well so far. I have to laugh at the posters saying they'd have it out with the husband or tell the wife!

As if!! They will just deny, deny, deny!!

Also wife will NEVER believe you. She suspect you're just some single woman looking for an opportunity to cause trouble and steal her absolute prize of a husband.

You only need to read a few threads on here to see what women let themselves believe.

Yup just carry on doing what you're doing. But agree with PPs don't let the fucker in your house and if you do bump into him give him long knowing Paddington stare.

On a side note OP, I really would ditch the vibrator and buy a new one. I don't want to make you sick from some of the stories I've heard about what "some" men do. But def bin the vibrator and wash your underwear.

And you live and learn - lock on bedroom door when you're next away and def don't get neighbour to feed cat!!

@Hakunamatoto
I understand how you feel.
Same as I did after a burglary.

I got over the stolen items much quicker than that feeling...

If I was ever to look, the meticulously organized drawers would really freak me out.
Gently rolled white and pastel hued knickers, colour coded and neatly butted together - like an intro to the American Psycho.
I take one look... And they know what I've done. The worst is, I know that they know... I wish I could turn back the time and never cross them but it's too late now.
Time to round up the kids and flee.

Never trust anyone with neat drawers.
😂

Ergh, what an update. I would check to see if all your knickers are still there...
Gross.

It is a horrible thing, to think someone has done that, I know.

But I think if you take precautions like changing the outside locks, putting a lock on the bedroom door, waving smouldering sage about 😅or whatever else you need to do; that maybe you should try to draw a line under what might have happened as one could come up with worse and worse scenarios, which could continue to upset you, when ultimately, you don't know the full extent. (Although I know that is part of what is annoying.)

I going forward couldn't trust the neighbour with the keys again and I'd avoid her DP like the plague. I don't know the answer to whether you should say something to her or not, only you know her and how she would take it.