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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Someone’s been in my bedroom

287 replies

Hakunamatoto · 06/08/2024 00:13

This isn’t really an AIBU but I didn’t know where to put it. Sorry.

Just back from a long weekend away tonight. Kids are on holiday with my ex-DH so the house was empty. Neighbour had a key to feed the cat.

Someone’s been in my bedroom. The bed has clearly been sat on, and there are things out of place in my bedside drawer, my knicker drawer and my desk.

I’m absolutely mortified and feel violated. There are things in my drawers that are extremely private. I don’t know what to do. Nothing is missing that I can see (there was a £50 in cash in the drawer by my bed so that would’ve been easily visible). The only other person with a key to my house is my mum (and ex-DU but he is abroad with DCs). Neighbour is more of a friend than just a neighbour. I’m trying to think of an innocent explanation or rationalising it as just cheeky nosiness. But the thought of someone rifling through my private things is horrible.

OP posts:
Zanatdy · 06/08/2024 06:03

I’d suspect it’s your neighbour, some people think they will have a cheeky look around other people’s houses when pet sitting. Don’t ask her again.

missdeamenor · 06/08/2024 06:00

This kind of behaviour is more common than we think. I would tell her that a camera was in the bedroom and you are still shocked by what you saw. Don't say any more, just let her sweat.

EI12 · 06/08/2024 05:53

I highly recommend 'The Unknown Visitor' by Francoise Sagan, sheds light.

allbymysel · 06/08/2024 05:36

I'd assume the neighbour had a nosy. Some people are like that. I would be upset too. You have two options , ask them or let it drop.

NewMe2024 · 06/08/2024 05:31

velvetcoat · 06/08/2024 05:09

Occams razor applies here, the simplest explanation is that it was someone with a key- so either your mum or your neighbour. If your ex is definitely abroad then it MUST be one of them regardless of how unlikely you think it is.

I wouldnt just take keys back, I'd be changing the locks. Oh, and stop trying to find an innocent explanation- there isnt one. My guess is the neighbour. There is no "accidental" way to sit on someone's bed and go through their private stuff in their knicker drawer. This is deliberate.

Edited

Agreed. And if your mum has always had a key it’s more likely to be your neighbour, unless there’s some way your cat could get in the drawer.

Firefly1987 · 06/08/2024 05:21

Hope you find out who it is, I can't imagine how sick someone would have to be just to do that for kicks?! Is neighbour male?

I had to have my belongings riffled through by police years ago during a raid of my parents house thanks to my idiot criminal brother (who I will never forgive) and it still upsets me now. It's a really horrible feeling. I'm a very private person and it's one of the most humiliating things to have ever happened to me so I know exactly how you feel. I imagine with it being someone you know it's even worse, how dare they do that. It's odd they would make it so obvious, are you sure you haven't been burgled?

velvetcoat · 06/08/2024 05:09

Occams razor applies here, the simplest explanation is that it was someone with a key- so either your mum or your neighbour. If your ex is definitely abroad then it MUST be one of them regardless of how unlikely you think it is.

I wouldnt just take keys back, I'd be changing the locks. Oh, and stop trying to find an innocent explanation- there isnt one. My guess is the neighbour. There is no "accidental" way to sit on someone's bed and go through their private stuff in their knicker drawer. This is deliberate.

SheldonsMom · 06/08/2024 04:28

I would definitely set up a camera next time you go away, but the bed and the desk could be the cat, couldn't it? And the drawers, could it have been the kids? Or were you packing in a last minute frenzy and rummaging through drawers?

It just seems like a more palatable scenario than a neighbour deliberately snooping through your private stuff and brazenly leaving evidence 😱

Nightowl1234 · 06/08/2024 04:19

Argh why did I do it. I’m up with the baby and read the savernake forest story. I won’t be going back to sleep now…

CrikeyMajikey · 06/08/2024 02:45

Were they camping in the forest? I’m camping in a forest, I’m now terrified. I can’t read it until I get home.

Badgertime · 06/08/2024 02:10

Could your neighbour have forgotten to lock the lock after her ?

creamofroses · 06/08/2024 02:09

If it was your mother, it probably would have happened before now - so chances are it is the neighbour. Or possibly someone connected to her who she sent over to see to the cat... Most probably her, being nosy.

MegsNaiceJam · 06/08/2024 02:05

That is awful. I never leave anyone with a key.

My friend’s mother in law is nosey, and she used to go through their drawers. Having had enough, my friend left a note in her knicker drawer that said, “Fuck Off from being nosey, Carol, you are on our cameras” and since then the drawers remain closed.

Donotneedit · 06/08/2024 01:35

poor you op. I’d have to talk to both of them, let them know someone else also has a key so as to allow them to save face/not seem like you’re accusing them and just tell them how freaked out you are. You might get an inkling of who it is even if they both deny
whatever you’ve got in your underwear drawer, if it’s just a vibrator or something like that, please don’t feel ashamed. Going through somebody else’s stuff is absolutely dreadful, that’s the shameful thing.
The fact that they’ve moved things and not tried to hide is weird,

Aquamarine1029 · 06/08/2024 01:24

OhcantthInkofaname · 06/08/2024 01:19

That's why I have cameras.

Exactly.

OhcantthInkofaname · 06/08/2024 01:19

That's why I have cameras.

Gettingannoyednow · 06/08/2024 01:13

Urrgh. That's a horrible feeling. I'd change the lock (order replacement cylinder from Amazon and do it myself). I'm guessing you don't have a ring type doorbell?

mommatoone · 06/08/2024 01:04

BiscuityBoyle · 06/08/2024 00:45

Phrogging is someone living in your house without you knowing about it, like in the loft.

Awww god noooo😱...I wish I hadnt read this! Well, in the words of Nick Ross - 'Don't have nightmares,do sleep well' 😬

Macandcheeese · 06/08/2024 00:55

BiscuityBoyle · 06/08/2024 00:45

Phrogging is someone living in your house without you knowing about it, like in the loft.

Just as I read this my 9 month old sighed in her sleep. Scared the living daylights out of me 🤦🏼‍♀️

merryandbrightdelight · 06/08/2024 00:45

BiscuityBoyle · 06/08/2024 00:45

Phrogging is someone living in your house without you knowing about it, like in the loft.

Ohhhh no 😟

Mountainclimber50 · 06/08/2024 00:45

Set up a sting.

BiscuityBoyle · 06/08/2024 00:45

Phrogging is someone living in your house without you knowing about it, like in the loft.

merryandbrightdelight · 06/08/2024 00:43

@Devonshiregal it's a true story that did the rounds on here years ago, really creepy. Google 'savernake forest Mumsnet ' (tomorrow, in the daylight!) and click on the third one down and someone has re-posted it. It still gives me the shudders

ChildlessCatLadiesRuleOK · 06/08/2024 00:41

It seems pretty clear that one of the people who has a key is responsible. You just need to work out which of them it is.

BiscuityBoyle · 06/08/2024 00:41

Are you sure you left it as you think you did? You didn’t sit on the bed last minute to get stuff out?