What's more rude - interrupting a reader OR ignoring an interrupter?

The interrupter was rude.

I was an avid reader and still describe it as one of my favourite things.

Managed to keep reading through 2 DCs, 3rd DC and DH have broken me, I have to be out of the house or have DH out of the house and 3rd DC engaged in something else or I can't read without constant interruptions. I can however scroll social media with interruptions on my phone leading to (DH) complaints of how much I'm on it.

I've started listening to audible books instead as can do that while moving around looking too busy for conversation however DH still manages to drop a comment, wander off, wander back and drop another comment and repeat until I get cross.

I think I need to find him another out of the house hobby!

You should tell your partner that you're allowed to read and recharge, so please be a bit more respectful of your time and the way you choose to spend it.

I'm a prolific reader so will often pick a book up for a spare five minutes. Because of this I expect to be interrupted because otherwise no one would ever be able to talk to me!

If a family member said I'm just having half an hour with my book I wouldn't interrupt unless important.

But I'd say there's a counter argument that the other person was rude for continuing to read during a conversation

I think the reader is the rude one in this instance. They are in a shared family space.

Extremely rude to interrupt an engrossed reader, especially if you're expecting them to pay attention to waffle (as opposed to something important).

The reader going hmm hmm I do not consider to be rude. Their focus is still on the book, dragging their focus to the interrupter is not instantaneous. Although TBH if they'd told the interrupter to fuck off and leave them in peace, I'd probably consider it natural consequences rather than rude .

My partner constantly interrupts me when reading which makes me less inclined to read when he is about as I can’t properly enjoy the book (it’s never just one interruption there is always a follow up). He is usually about so I read a lot less these days.

I get very little time to have my own head space (very clingy toddler) so when she goes to bed I occasionally want to have an hour to myself, so I do feel a bit like it’s having a second grown up toddler when that he interrupts me and gets in a mood when I do not wish to talk. Some people need alone time and people need to accept they are not obliged to entertain others 24/7.

What if reader is in a shared private space, like a couple’s shared bedroom?

What if the home has multiple public shared spaces such that people can generally be expected to find a bit of privacy if that is what they are seeking and others still have spaces where they can be as talkative or engage in other hobbies as they might desire? What if the reason they sought this particular space is not the space but to have an audience?

It depends, if the reader frequently has their nose in a book (eg me as a teen) then they are being rude by not pulling said nose out of the book and engaging with others.

If they rarely get time to read then it is the interruptor who is being rude. If it is in the middle the. It depends in the frequency of being interrupted.

If the interrupter is a short term visitor, reader is rude, if interruptor is visiting for many days or even weeks, then they are being rude.

If the reader is the visitor, then again they are being rude.

I may or may not have responded to DH with exasperation yesterday when he interrupted me yet again during a pivotal scene to tell me about yet another funny thing he saw while randomly scrolling online. I don’t mind if I’m just on my phone, but if I’m reading, I don’t want to be interrupted every 2 minutes.

Ok fair but what do you mean if you aren't a bed sitter? Just sit on your bed?

Sounds more like siblings to me.

If reader and interrupter are married to each other and have been for many years, they should have reached an understanding by now that reader does not like to be interrupted but is happy to hear about the funny thing the cat did later over dinner (I'm imagining they might be your parents OP?)

@takealettermsjones

Agree with this. If you want to do something privately and not be interrupted, you need to go somewhere else, not in the main living area where chatting/socialising happens.
For a lot of people, the sitting room IS the only reasonable place to read. You have comfy chairs.

If you aren't a bed sitter and your room can't accommodate a comfy chair you can't read in the bedroom

Why do you place human interaction above non interaction. That's bollocks. I need my peace. I need quiet time. I need it as much as you obviously require interaction. One doesn't supersede the other. It depends on your need

You beat me to my post.

In a shared space, you don't ignore people who speak to you. If you've got a tiny house where there's nowhere else (I used to have very very long baths in order to read uninterrupted) then at least you acknowledge them, even if it's only to say... Hang on, I just need to finish this chapter and I'll be with you

When I read I need to be totally engrossed. If I am interrupted then I can't just go back to it. I've lost the moment. I've been removed from my deep engrossment.

In fact it was the constant interruption that caused ever stop reading much. Or watching movies. It is so unpleasant for me that I'd rather not bother.

This, I think.
It's probably ok for Interrupter to ask Reader if they want to chat/play/whatever, but if R is clearly engrossed and obviously don't want to engage, then don't persist.

Agree with this. If you want to do something privately and not be interrupted, you need to go somewhere else, not in the main living area where chatting/socialising happens.

You said... 'in this instance about cats, nothing important...'

Isn't that a contradiction in terms? If it is about cats of course it is important.

The cat may have looked at you in a 'funny sort of way' , fallen off a shelf or perhaps pushed an object off a worktop. That's much more important than a person sitting on a sofa reading a book. (IMO)

will often be so engrossed that any attempts to communicate with them (short of being actively on fire) will fail. I do find this inappropriate and annoying. (Am an avid reader myself).

If in a shared social space (eg living room) the reader was rude. In a non-social / private space (eg bedroom) the interrupter was rude. I'm an avid reader and play video games - I apply this rule to both.

I kind of think they're both as rude as each other actually

My son does this to me every time I'm having g a bit of quiet time reading my kindle or something, he will waffle on about shite and not stop

What kind of reading is there other than for pleasure? (when at home on a sofa, not in a library or research dept or something) You wouldn't start up a conversation in the middle of a film, would you?

Optimal outcome -
"Is it something important or can it wait? I'm reading, I'll talk to you later."
"Oh ok, sorry for interrupting.I was just commenting on the daft cat."

(From the reader's point of view, optimal outcome is not to be interrupted except to be brought a cuppa and biscuits)