What's more rude - interrupting a reader OR ignoring an interrupter?

Huge difference between the workplace and your own living room.

It's normal, and positive, to have chit chat with the people you live with. Ignoring them because your book/phone/TV show/game is more interesting to you is pretty rude.

@MonsteraMama Please will you tell us who is who?

I always feel so unsatisfied by threads like this. I think you are the reader?
Is it DH or DC that interrupts?

In my (scientific) workplace it was part of our culture that if you approached a colleague to engage in a query (or whatever,) that you asked “may I interrupt you?”

Isn't that the norm everywhere?
Though we're a software company so better yet use IM - check status, drop an IM with a clue to what you wanted to discuss and then it's up to the other person when and if they respond. Doesn't translate to domestic book-readers but it might for people engrossed on their phones.

In my (scientific) workplace it was part of our culture that if you approached a colleague to engage in a query (or whatever,) that you asked “may I interrupt you?”

The colleague then had a choice.

It worked well. No-one got offended. Maybe it would work well in families too?
It’s a form of “respect.”

There are no arbiters but the individuals themselves. If a person doesn't like to be interrupted when reading, they need to make that clear, because it's not universal. Once it's been made clear, it needs to be respected, unless the other person objects. The objection then needs to be respected.

It seems like people think there is a 'set of rules'... was I right to do this? Should he have not said this? Etc. Like children :)

Interesting - I think my answer would differ if I was reading a book or looking at my phone. 🤔

See I'm not a fan of asking for permission to speak to someone in my home. It would really put me off saying anything not urgent to them which I suppose would be a result for the living room reader. Not good for a relationship though.

I get that it's different somewhere like a staffroom which has a mix of people wanting to be left alone and talk. I don't get why you'd choose to sit in a communal part of the house when expecting to be left alone when you could just as easily read in a bedroom.

Interrupter is rude if they just start talking.

It should go...

'hey, <gives chance for attention to switch> sorry, can see you're reading, can I ask you a quick question?'

Response is then either...
'can it wait I'm busy!' (which is followed by 'sorry, can't wait urgent' / 'I'll ask you later')
Or
'yeah, what is it?'

the advantage of this is the minimal thought process required from reader who can go straight back to reading with less chance of breaking flow completely.

If the interrupter is just making conversation while someone is reading then they are out of order and should take the hint!

I don't think either is terribly rude - it's just a difference in habits / expectations /priorities between the two people. Some people may enjoy reading but be happy to be interrupted for a quick chat, so they might be surprised that others wouldn't. I don't think a hard-and-fast judgement can be applied. It probably partly depends on what mood you're in and what you're reading. But if the reader Mmm hmmms, the interrupter should quickly realise chat isn't wanted, without being offended.

I can't stand being interrupted when I'm reading and my husband does it all the time!!! In fact, as I was reading this thread, glasses on and focussed, he's just interrupted me to show me a bloody photo on his phone that could have waited!
So the interrupter is the rude one in my opinion.

There's nothing quite like picking up a nice hefty novel or putting earphones on to draw all the sods I live with out of their lairs to chat shit at me.

Most of my reading is now MN because it's bitesize and interruptable. I don't end up going through the annoyance of re-reading the same paragraph 5 times.

Reading a novel is immersive. It takes time to enter a flow state of mind.

I tend to read most when the DCs do activities now. There's one where I take myself off to the nearby pub and get a blissful 45 mins to read.

My brain doesn't go into flow mode easily in this house. Having moved here in the baby years, it's just permanently in on-call mode.

If only I had a sound insulated, lockable lady-cave to retreat to!

As far as I'm concerned, reading takes precedence over any conversation that isn't important. What's more, I bet a lot of people who'd cheerfully interrupt a reader would be well disgruntled if someone tried to talk to them while they were watching TV.

Both poor communicators really. The interruptor should have asked if the reader can chat, not just launched in with a topic. The reader should use their words to say "I'd like to read for an hour and then chat please." The interruptor should then respect that.

I also think it depends on the interruption.

A short statement to give information may be necessary at that moment , chit chat is able to wait.

Only two interruptions are permissible :

"Would you like a cup of tea?"

"The house is on fire."

Being on the phone generally isn't comparable. Unless you're watching a film or reading an ebook, you're generally flitting around between messages, websites, posts on social media etc, and it's inherently interruptible. If you're reading, you may be at the most exciting part of the story, or reading something that is central to the rest of the book, or trying to concentrate on something complicated, or just enjoying the book generally - so being interrupted is going to be be a real pain in the neck. What is more comparable is expecting someone half way through a film or other drama on TV to stop instantly so as to talk to you. Would you do that?

Neither really. The person reading should have properly replied to the interrupter and then asked to he left in peace to continue reading.

Would you interrupt someone gaming or on their phone?

I’m a bit aghast at some of these replies! If they’re just reading “for fun” it’s OK to interrupt them? How dare someone have fun! “Nose in a book.” “Go somewhere private.” So bizarre.

I’m in the interrupter is rude camp.
I like to read on my lunch break. It’s a customer facing role and I like the quiet and the break.
We have a couple of staff members who like to chat complete bollocks at me or show me shit memes from their phone. I ignore them!

Agree that if the reader was a teenage girl on her phone or someone gaming the replies would be very different.

Reader is rude to ignore the interrupter (even that naming is a bit loaded - why not conversationalist?) when sitting in a communal area. Interrupter is then a bit rude if they didn't take the hint (although it sounds like they did).

is it just a book?
what about reading mumsnet?
the BBC website or any news website?

Agree with PP, if you don't want to be interrupted while reading then go somewhere more private. Living rooms are social spaces.

The interrupter is the rude one, of course.

Reading seems to be some weird, sacred hobby on MN that can never interrupted, but if anyone is doing anything involving a screen, they're always told to pause it or put their phone down, interact and not be rude 🤷‍♀️