What's more rude - interrupting a reader OR ignoring an interrupter?

It's not unreasonable to want to sit and read uninterrupted for a bit in the living room

This. In your own house, you do what you want where you want, and respect the others. If someone interrupts you and doesn't realise it's disrespecting your wishes, you clarify your wishes. It's not 'A' is rude and 'B' is not. It's that it's rude to disrespect someone's wishes, and it's rude to expect someone to guess your wishes without you telling them.

I shared a bedroom with my sister for a long time, so the bedroom was essentially a communal area as well. It's not unreasonable to want to sit and read uninterrupted for a bit in the living room.

Everyone is different, but I don't mind chatting so much if I'm gaming as long as there isn't a cut scene or conversation happening, but reading - or watching a film - there's a constant narrative that you're following and it's disrupting to be constantly interrupted. My DGM seemed to find me reading a red flag to a bull, as soon as I got a book out she seemed to feel compelled to talk to me even if she'd had no interest in communicating with me up to that point. I think she disapproved of me reading.

I've been trying to train DH for 18 years about how rude this is, without any success. I have carefully explained that, when reading, I am in a completely different world. He needs to get my attention first, then ask his question, not launch into something then get annoyed that I am not instantly "on it". Especially when it is something totally unimportant or incompetence ("where is my phone" for example).
I've stopped reading in front of him, except very occasionally, e.g. on holiday, which is really sad as I used to read avidly.
The interrupter is rude.

Exactly this. I don't know what it is about reading that makes people think you're open for conversation or just waiting for something better to come up that you can do instead? Nobody tries to start a conversation with me when I'm watching Netflix but when it's a book it's fine. Baffles me.

If I am reading and someone tries to engage me in a conversation, I look up and ask if it's urgent.
If it is, then I talk. If not, I gently point out I am busy reading and that we can chat later.
Easy.

I just asked my teenage daughters and DH for their thoughts. Both DD say it's rude to interrupt, DH said 'it depends on the context'. Guess who is the person in our house who is not a reader and does interrupt all the time whatever I'm doing, he even comes in for a chat when I'm doing yoga.

As far as communal spaces go, we have 2 seating areas at opposite ends of the garden, and two sitting rooms, there are lots of 'communal' places for being sociable or quiet. Meanwhile our bedroom is not yet decorated and so I'm absolutely reading in the library sitting room with all my books.

The interruptor is rude.

Why not just ask instead of just start to talk at someone?

If someone is doing something imo, they are occupied so it is best to ask than just assume they are up for or want conversation and it shouldn’t matter if it is in a communal area or not.

DH would drive me mental doing this where he would just start talking at me while I was in the middle of something and it would usually be about something where he would have to explain what he was on why could he have not told me this at another time. I could be watching tv and he could see that I was and he would plop down and start talking to me and it didn’t matter if I was watching in the living room, or on my tablet in a bedroom.

I don’t start talking at him when he is doing things unless necessary. I realise he has blinders on when he wants to talk about something and doesn’t take full focus until after he has finished or I tell him to wait.

I don't think @Bloom15 is referring to gamers as losers, she's referring to the prevailing anti-gaming attitude on MN.

If you posted this thread about gaming your daughter would have been flamed to oblivion, along with your own parenting for raising her.

I’m a reader and do it ‘communal’ areas. DH and kids will say my name and then wait for me to come to an appropriate place to stop and then engage. Sometimes I put on noise cancelling headphones when I’m reading (to cut out ambient noise) so they have to attract my attention.

If your DH thinks his desire for conversation is more important than his daughter’s pleasure in reading then he’s the one with an issue. Unless it’s a time critical conversation but even then I’d wait to have their attention.

Personally, I’d be glad to have a avid 16 year old reader so wouldn’t want it to become an issue.

Thanks for letting us know who is who @MonsteraMama

I think I am even more #teamdaughter.
She has to be able to set healthy boundaries and not be expected to drop what she is doing to placate her DF.

I think a compromise-could he poke his head round the door? Ask if it is a good time?
I don't think just because she is in the living room that she has no right to refuse an unwanted interruption.

How would your DH handle it if he were engrossed in something- Work/film/football/cricket etc and she came in to discuss the cat?

I think it is def about respect and boundaries here.

Agree with this. But if you game then you are a loser (I don't game BTW). It's rude to ignore someone talking to you just because you are reading. Go and read somewhere private if you can't put up with interactions

I know it's not what you asked, but I really like the picture you've painted of a fiery debate and them both holding their own while you watch with popcorn 😆 love that for them. We should all be able to have a good robust argument without falling out about it.

Could you come to some kind of arrangement where she's allowed to wear noise cancelling headphones to signal that she wants to concentrate, on the mutual understanding that she still has to be polite if someone really needs to interrupt, but interruptions are not allowed when the headphones are on unless it's v important!

I don’t really get the whole “would you interrupt someone watching a movie/playing games/an instrument”- if they’re hanging out in the living room then yes, we’ll all casually chat to each other? Sometimes my husband will announce he’s going into a tricky boss fight when he’s gaming and not to talk to him, but I don’t think it’s rude to chat to someone in a shared space just because they’re doing an activity (and I’m an avid reader too).

If it’s every 5 minutes though that’s definitely annoying.

this!

Absolutely, but not the communal bits, that's what bedrooms are for.

@WickieRoy

It's normal, and positive, to have chit chat with the people you live with. Ignoring them because your book/phone/TV show/game is more interesting to you is pretty rude.
Its normal and positive for home to be a place of respite and a sanctuary where everyone respects each others needs to have uninterrupted quiet time to recoup their energy. If not at home then where?
Nope. This is exactly what home is for.

Team DD here too.

I find it incredibly rude that someone thinks I need to pay attention to them when I'm quite clearly in the middle of something else requiring my attention. The interrupter should ask if they're free to speak or when would be convenient, not expect that their want to speak is more important than the person reading / watching TV / working etc.

Someone in my home does that while I'm sewing, I have my machine in my private space, it's quite a powerful beast. Last time it happened I asked how he felt about getting the fire brigade in to release me if his distraction caused me to run over my fingers. I gave a fairly graphic description and included the cost of replacing the machine if the working parts were full of blood. Surprisingly he's not done it since. My tolerance is very low, I grew up in a home where reading a book was likely to get me a tongue lashing. My mother considered it to be very ignorant to read a book if there was anyone else (her) around. With hindsight I'm not actually sure that she could read at all. The only thing I ever remember seeing her read was a knitting pattern.

if we’re discussing a one off interruption then I think it’s rude to ignore the interrupter instead of politely saying ‘I’m reading, can we chat later?’

If the interrupter is a serial offender who hasn’t learned their lesson, ignoring them is justified.

Yup Team DD.

Team DD.

So trivial conversation trumps reading a book?