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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be so bothered about a ladies long weekend away?

32 replies

TheSquashedPea · 05/08/2024 23:05

Initially I thought it would be one day away and I’d get my own ticket. In a slightly drunken conversation I was asked if I could do longer, and then - as a very, very expensive present - I was gifted the long weekend instead of it being just one day. I feel very guilty about this, and have tried to pay back through presents/other gifts. I also felt guilty about leaving my young children for a more extended period. I did have fun, but felt like one member of the group disliked me. I went along with everything, but I think I annoyed this person by initially arriving late - then not asserting myself, and then I was very tired one day after staying out until 4am the day before. I had an accident the week previously and was finding it tricky to stand/dance for longer periods.

As soon as I sat for anything - I was met with ‘are you ok?? are you ok??’
I have come back feeling just - guilty! Guilty at leaving my family, guilty about someone paying for it all, and guilty that I might have looked exhausted. I’m also feeling shit from pissing off one member of the group, when I really didn’t mean to. AIBU?

OP posts:
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sesquipedalian · 13/08/2024 07:35

OP, there’s absolutely no point in feeling guilty - you’ve done it: it’s in the past, all,you can do is move on. If it made you feel like this, though, learn from the experience and don’t do it again, or just go for one night as you originally intended. We have all done things which, with the benefit of hindsight we would have done differently - all we can do is to try and learn from our mistakes (and not over- think things). I hope you actually enjoyed your time away!

Canalboat · 13/08/2024 07:02

My default emotion is guilt when I’m not feeling at my best. I don’t know why, but it goes hand in hand with imposter syndrome and people pleasing. I have to give myself a talking to. CBT techniques can help a bit. Essentially stop overthinking things OP.

Flammekuche · 13/08/2024 06:58

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/08/2024 23:43

This. It's a choice. Just decide that you're deserving of presents and someone looking after the DC. Why wouldn't you be. And not everyone likes everyone.

Yes, exactly. Someone gave you a present. You spent some time away. You didn’t enjoy it. Someone appeared not to like you.

Butteredtoast55 · 13/08/2024 06:53

This is a perfect example of the way MN is getting meaner. OP, your title is crystal clear and your first post makes it obvious what happened.
I agree with @olympicsrock. This is a lesson learnt: that you don't enjoy late nights and partying like you once did and your friends still do.
I completely understand why you'd feel guilty for not enjoying a gift you'd been given or what some may consider as a break away from the DC but you have to let that go. Focus on the bits you did enjoy and the friends you get on with and, next time, don't agree to over-committing during a drunken conversation!

Greenbananasoup · 13/08/2024 06:32

TheLastTimeEver · 11/08/2024 22:42

Is this a thing now on MN that posters launch into their tale about half way through? No ability to set the scene and explain properly the context of their issue.

It’s like reading things written by 7 year olds with no theory of mind. Excruciating to read and happens more and more.

It’s a chat forum, not a formal writing exam. Personally I didn’t find it hard to read- maybe your ‘theory of mind’ ( 😂 ) isn’t as developed as you’d thought

CultOfRamen · 13/08/2024 05:41

Sounds like hang-xiety ….

MsNemo · 12/08/2024 08:13

olympicsrock · 11/08/2024 22:43

I don’t know why people are being horrible to OP. She was caught off balance and agreed to something that she didn’t feel comfortable doing.
She is at a stage in life where she is exhausted and perhaps not a night owl. Her friends put pressure on her to dance and be energetic and sociable all the time in the evenings and she didn’t enjoy herself much. I have been in exactly this situation and it was very stressful .

OP just make a note that this kind of party / late night is not your thing any more . Perhaps you value quieter family time now and it is ok to be yourself.

Well said!

CoastalCalm · 12/08/2024 08:08

I think you’ve got the beer fear

ineedtogwtoutbeforeitatoohot · 12/08/2024 08:06

Your back now so move on ?

Mentalhealthnursemama · 12/08/2024 07:55

The person who maybe doesn't like you was probably jealous that your place was paid for, and maybe from the amount of attention you got due to your Injury. The way you feel will pass xx

memyselfi · 12/08/2024 00:46

Why did you go ?
Personally I couldn't be social with friends rather than family for that long.
Did you feel you had to accept ?

Winter2020 · 12/08/2024 00:20

I think sometimes people give you things like this as a present because they know if they asked you that you would say no, so kind of a way to manipulate you. It sounds like it worked and that you went against your own preference really.

northernsunshine · 11/08/2024 23:57

This is an unexpectedly funny thread

hope the beer fear passed, OP

Sorenlorrenson · 11/08/2024 23:52

Bloody hell. Make it make sense. A beginning, a middle and an end.
You've pissed me off too, with your writing style, but don't feel guilty about it.

SuncreamAndIceCream · 11/08/2024 23:12

I didn't even notice! Sorry OP!

Agapornis · 11/08/2024 23:01

It's been 6 days folks, she's probably sobered up by now... Right @TheSquashedPea? Grin

SuncreamAndIceCream · 11/08/2024 22:57

Sounds like hangxiety to me OP

Get a good night's sleep and revisit in the morning

jollygreenpea · 11/08/2024 22:47

This reads like a drunken ramble.

Cheeseismyfavourite · 11/08/2024 22:45

have you been drinking sounds like the beer fear to me?

olympicsrock · 11/08/2024 22:43

I don’t know why people are being horrible to OP. She was caught off balance and agreed to something that she didn’t feel comfortable doing.
She is at a stage in life where she is exhausted and perhaps not a night owl. Her friends put pressure on her to dance and be energetic and sociable all the time in the evenings and she didn’t enjoy herself much. I have been in exactly this situation and it was very stressful .

OP just make a note that this kind of party / late night is not your thing any more . Perhaps you value quieter family time now and it is ok to be yourself.

TheLastTimeEver · 11/08/2024 22:42

Is this a thing now on MN that posters launch into their tale about half way through? No ability to set the scene and explain properly the context of their issue.

It’s like reading things written by 7 year olds with no theory of mind. Excruciating to read and happens more and more.

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/08/2024 23:43

PerfectTravelTote · 05/08/2024 23:30

You really are your own worst enemy.

You received a lovely present and had a nice weekend. Your kids survived. So what if someone (maybe) doesn't like you?

I suspect that you have a bit of an issue with being a people pleaser.

This. It's a choice. Just decide that you're deserving of presents and someone looking after the DC. Why wouldn't you be. And not everyone likes everyone.

Noseybookworm · 05/08/2024 23:43

Just put it behind you, what's done is done. Absolutely no benefit to going over it in your head and feeling guilty or upset cause someone was pissed off at you. Make a conscious effort to put it out of your mind. It's in the past so leave it there.

MissingKitty · 05/08/2024 23:41

Sounds like hangxiety, itl pass!

PerfectTravelTote · 05/08/2024 23:30

You really are your own worst enemy.

You received a lovely present and had a nice weekend. Your kids survived. So what if someone (maybe) doesn't like you?

I suspect that you have a bit of an issue with being a people pleaser.