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Original poster

Does throwing and paying for a party count as a gift?

35 replies

Friyay27 · 05/08/2024 21:52

A friend and I are throwing another friend a baby shower, we've organised everything paid for food, decorations and drinks.
AIBU to think this doesn't count as a gift, friend thinks it does, I just don't want to appear mean, nor do I want to make my friend fell bad if I get a gift and she doesn't
(Yes I know about the general dislike for baby showers in general, but here we are)

OP posts:
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NoThanksymm · 11/08/2024 18:49

It counts. And bonus gifts do not go astray!

the shower is amazing! But even just something small ‘auntie got that for you!’ You’re already putting a lot into this friend, I wouldn’t skimp an extra 30$ to get a cute fluffy something.

i wouldn’t talk it over with your co host. Just do you. Maybe mention to baby momma that you talked about it and friend figured the shower was a gift, but you just couldn’t resist cute fluffy! Then co host isn’t thrown under the bus

334bu · 10/08/2024 10:18

This was very kind of you and I am sure that everybody would see it as your gift to the expectant mother.

Emmz1510 · 10/08/2024 10:15

I personally wouldn’t expect a gift if my friends had organised and paid for a party .

Bertielong3 · 10/08/2024 09:20

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Ponoka7 · 08/08/2024 22:33

Yes it counts, unless you are very well off.

Original poster
Friyay27 · 08/08/2024 22:31

We've paid for it all, we offered to do it. It's not a known circle of friends, but a few little groups - who we don't know. There is no way I'll be messaging a group of women today saying, oh hey you owe us 50 quid!

OP posts:
NeverEnoughPants · 08/08/2024 19:47

LoremIpsumCici · 08/08/2024 15:30

So? I am used to one or two doing all that and the cost of it then being split by the larger friendship group attending. As in “we’ve organised the food, decorations, drinks, and venue and the cost is £20 each, please send me the £ before the day. Xxx”

And it being done by the two of them doesn’t necessarily mean no one had input into it prior or during as has been suggested.

And it being done also doesn’t mean it can’t be changed as in “OP, £20 is a bit high any way we can reduce to £18 each?”

and OP can go “just got off phone with venue and £18 each means no party hats 🥳 is that ok?”

What I am used to isn’t unusual and I don’t know why OP and others think she should be stuck with the entire bill for the baby shower because she volunteered to do the organising.

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So?

That's clearly not the case here, so your experience is irrelevant.

LoremIpsumCici · 08/08/2024 15:30

NeverEnoughPants · 06/08/2024 20:14

The fact that op said "we've organised everything paid for food, decorations and drinks" would suggest that it's kind of a done deal, and that it was all done by the two of them.

Show quote history

So? I am used to one or two doing all that and the cost of it then being split by the larger friendship group attending. As in “we’ve organised the food, decorations, drinks, and venue and the cost is £20 each, please send me the £ before the day. Xxx”

And it being done by the two of them doesn’t necessarily mean no one had input into it prior or during as has been suggested.

And it being done also doesn’t mean it can’t be changed as in “OP, £20 is a bit high any way we can reduce to £18 each?”

and OP can go “just got off phone with venue and £18 each means no party hats 🥳 is that ok?”

What I am used to isn’t unusual and I don’t know why OP and others think she should be stuck with the entire bill for the baby shower because she volunteered to do the organising.

Original poster
Friyay27 · 07/08/2024 21:23

Thanks everyone ! It's a hard one, last time I threw a baby shower it was for my best friend and I also bought a big gift too. But that was just after COVID, she is my best friend in the whole world and it felt right due to her family circumstances. Talked to my friend, she has already bought and gifted a few items. So I'm going to buy something small to give at the party and once Bub is here we are going to buy something (for her)
Yes party is all planned and paid for and we aren't looking for any contributions from any of the guests.

OP posts:
NeverEnoughPants · 06/08/2024 20:14

LoremIpsumCici · 06/08/2024 12:07

I am saying the usual etiquette as that is what the OP asked. Besides who says it is too late to have any say or do any changes or that the wider group has had no say to date?

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The fact that op said "we've organised everything paid for food, decorations and drinks" would suggest that it's kind of a done deal, and that it was all done by the two of them.

MilkGate · 06/08/2024 13:02

Absolutely counts as a gift.

FrothyCothy · 06/08/2024 12:33

For me, yes it would count as a gift and I also wouldn’t be expecting contributions to the party cost from other guests as a PP has suggested. I’m not even sure there can be said to be an “etiquette” around baby showers given they are a relatively new thing in the UK (or on the scale that they are these days anyway!)

Lemonsallday · 06/08/2024 12:23

The party would count as the gift for me if you’ve paid for it

Love51 · 06/08/2024 12:21

The baby shower / party / event is for the mum to be. The gift is for the baby. So the party is not a gift.
However it isn't usual form to take a gift to the party you are hosting, so you don't need to take one.
I always want to buy a new baby a gift because I love choosing a book for a new baby!

DavidBeckhamsrightfoot · 06/08/2024 12:10

Yes it does!
And I wouldn't be buying a gift as well.
And I certainly wouldn't expect one.

jannier · 06/08/2024 12:09

I'd say yes then buy a gift when baby comes.

LoremIpsumCici · 06/08/2024 12:07

NeverEnoughPants · 06/08/2024 11:02

Really? Once it's too late for them to have any day, as it has already been organised and paid for?

I can imagine that going down well...

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I am saying the usual etiquette as that is what the OP asked. Besides who says it is too late to have any say or do any changes or that the wider group has had no say to date?

Lurkingandlearning · 06/08/2024 11:36

I think that’s a really generous gift. If you are paying for the catering, hosting and preparing your home or a venue and then cleaning up afterwards, to me that would be amazing. I’d be embarrassed if you bought a gift too

Somepeoplearesnippy · 06/08/2024 11:05

Just get something small to open. Nothing fancy, just a pretty pack of bibs or a toy to hang on a pram.

NeverEnoughPants · 06/08/2024 11:02

LoremIpsumCici · 06/08/2024 10:58

No, I think the rest of the guests (apart from mum and dad to be) should be told their contribution amount towards the party.

Edited
Show quote history

Really? Once it's too late for them to have any day, as it has already been organised and paid for?

I can imagine that going down well...

LoremIpsumCici · 06/08/2024 10:58

NeverEnoughPants · 06/08/2024 10:54

But that's not the situation here. Two people are paying for everything. So you still think they should buy something despite paying, potentially, ten times the amount of the people in your example?

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No, I think the rest of the guests (apart from mum and dad to be) should be told their contribution amount towards the party.

luckylavender · 06/08/2024 10:56

Of course it counts as a gift

Dragonsandcats · 06/08/2024 10:56

Tricky one as throwing a party can be expensive. I think i’d get an extra gift though.

NeverEnoughPants · 06/08/2024 10:54

LoremIpsumCici · 06/08/2024 10:53

No, it doesn’t count as a gift. Usually a group will pool their money to throw the party while one or two members organise it. Then eveyone in the group brings a gift for mum to be.

So if 20 friends, the cost of party is split between all, and all 20 also bring a gift.

But that's not the situation here. Two people are paying for everything. So you still think they should buy something despite paying, potentially, ten times the amount of the people in your example?

TheSoapyFrog · 06/08/2024 10:54

Tricky one. If someone threw me a party, I would be surprised if they gave me a gift as well. Saying that, when I've thrown parties for my kids, I've always bought them presents still, and I have still received presents from people who have thrown them for me.

Also, at baby showers, the gifts are for the baby, not the parents. So a party wouldn't count as a gift for the baby.