17 years old dd is refusing to come with us on holiday

I doubt her weight makes her happy.

@Boater it's possible to be fat and not be depressed.

I imagine her weight is one of the things making her depressed.

I know a few parents who allow their young adult to not work and play on playstation until all hours of the morning. If a young adult don't want to follow the rules of their parents house and wants to be independent you have to let them go and be independent. It actually worked out well her daughter moved in with her boyfriend and she's happy and her son works and lives in London he is also happy. It's shit parents who enables young people to be dickheads.

Did you never consider how your grandparents felt and that maybe they wanted to see you? I'm glad my parents never let me be so selfish even if that did mean I had a few boring weekends.

This is what happens when grandparents are uptight, boring and unwelcoming, generally. Grandchildren aren't interested in visiting.

An unhappy 17yo will spoil the holiday for everyone if you make her come

And never mind the depressed 17 yo at home alone whilst everyone is off on a jolly?

Parenting comes with sacrifice. Kids can and do spoil things - that's life.

I'd talk to her and say she must come but if she doesn't want to do anything she doesn't have to. She can just chill if she wants.

If she's too immature to be left alone surely there is someone she can stay with? An aunt or uncle or godparent or friend-of-the-family? Obviously and especially given the short notice you'd need to offer to pay board and lodging to whoever could take her.

An unhappy 17yo will spoil the holiday for everyone if you make her come

Your poor daughter!!!

She's just told you how unwell she is and you focus on her weight!

‘can’t leave her because she is not matured enough, I don’t trust her, she would be the kind to not close the fridge properly, leave rubbish everywhere, she refuses to do anything pretty much.’

shes 17? It’s about time she grew up and learned to be responsible! If she can’t be responsible she has to go with you. Or maybe staying at home alone for a week might be the lesson she needs

We were both wrong girls go to adult prison when they turn 18, males go to adult prison when they turn 21.

One of her children works in London and the other lives with her boyfriend. It worked perfectly well. They will always love their mother and appreciate her even more.

There is only two options that young person can take:

Option one
Most young people want to be independent they don't want to be told what to do. They can't have it all live at home with mummy and get her or his own way. When a young adult lives independently they make their own rules. Pay for their own food, gas, electric, council tax. That's what they want to do.

Option two
A clever young adult will follow the rules they will work, pay rent to their parents and save.

It's really shit she's allowed you to buy tickets and changed her mind. But at least she's admitted she needs help. I hope she gets the support she needs.

Overnight trips that should say.

16/17 year olds might not legally be adults but they are different to younger children. You don't suddenly become a fully fledged adult at 18- independence happens gradually. I have left him at home when I've taken young DD on kiddy trips to Legoland etc.

I'd have given her a choice when booking it but I would have impressed on her that she needed to stick with that decision. I've given DS a choice on coming on holiday with us since he was 16 (now 18) and he has always opted to but I've made clear once booked, he has to be a willing participant. Did she have a choice when you booked it?

Diagnosis?

Exactly polar. I suspect most of the hard core ridiculous responses oldest children are around 6

@Easipeelerie yes I'd read that. You've rather overreached with your autism diagnosis don't you think?

I'm quite shocked at the responses from parents telling her to leave behind a depressed teenager and everyone will be happier.

A change of scenery might help and the worst thing for her is to be alone day and night.

Responding to her update.

It sounds as if this young woman is having a crisis of confidence and has been in need of an intervention.
It’s good that you are prioritising her and taking her to the GP. Shame this didn’t come to light before your holiday was due.
Maybe with special understanding from her family, and some encouragement and light medication from the GP, she will see that the break will be good for her. I hope so as it could help reset her poor daily routine which isn’t helping her at all.

Whether the holiday happens or not, she can no longer be allowed to stop interacting with family and the household nor to comfort eat junk food, sleep late, get no exercise and have no friends. Living her life online is also very damaging. She is in danger of failing to launch herself as an adult if this goes on.
Leaving her on her own whilst depressed, isn’t a good idea. Best to tackle it head on now she has opened up to you. It will take massive effort and patience from the family to help her out of these bad habits.
I do hope that with special understanding from you OP, she will agree to come along in an effort to help herself get back on to a healthier footing. Good luck.

I think I would make it clear to her that she is now derailing the trip for the entire family. I would ask her to trust you as her mother that you really think a change of scene will help her mood.

I'm not saying it's that simple, and that she'll suddenly agree to go. But I would at least try that.

You have met teenagers?

There’s more at play here so maybe you will need to stay with her. Sounds like assessment for autism is needed - poor executive function, depression, need to stay in room etc.

Apologies I have just read the update. I'd tread carefully and not leave her but equally action has to follow. It can't be another week in her bedroom without getting some help.

Refusing to go on holiday is one thing but refusing to go to see GPs is not acceptable for me. I imagine your parents are excited to see her and she needs to put someone other than herself first.