17 years old dd is refusing to come with us on holiday

I agree. They repeat the tropes off insta as a get out clause.

Retreating into their room is normal for teens. She clearly has friends and is going to a festival. She just doesn’t want to be forced into family fun.

Why can't she be left at home? What could possibly happen?

If you had read the OP's updates you would know and understand 😒

Can't leave her at home at 17? Goodness. I have a 17yo DGD who is staying at home. My own DD who is disabled was home alone from 16 when I had to work away.

Why can't she be left at home? What could possibly happen?

My daughter couldn't handle college her expectations were to high. She took a couple of years out and payed for a private beauty course in that time while she worked. Her confidence has grown and she doesn't get upset when people are cruel to her. She learned to walk away. She's going back to college in September. She will return a better person.

Work brings independence and confidence. You are no longer a child. You can contribute to the house or go out and do what you want.

People on here are advising the op cancels the reading trip. If her daughter had her own money she can pay for her own ticket.

The OP hasn’t mentioned school or college attendance. Was she having difficulties this past year?

Even if she was to sign on she would still be expected to find work. If she tells them she's depressed and why they will encourage her more into getting a job.

Exercise will help with weight management and boost confidence and self-esteem. If she sits in her room all day eating junk food and looking at social media on her phone or computer that would depress and make anyone feel anxious. That's not a life. Her parents need to get her out of her room and tell her to get a job because the real world doesn't work like that.

If you read the OP's posts, she has been holed up in her room alone like this for a long time now... Clearly not just sudden. It's just that OP has completely missed the warning signs.

Having parented a teen through depression this sounds genuine.

I suspect you would just tell her to pull herself together.

Very convenient it's suddenly coming out now though. . My DS has (ex); friends who suddenly develop all kinds of MH issues when they are expected to do something they don't want to.

It's drummed into them these days as a get out clause

I'm not casting aspersions I feel for the child!!

and depressed and anxious.

Can I suggest that you hold back on the unhelpful comments until you have walked in the shoes of a parent of a depressed teen.

Fortunately, we are on the other side, but casting aspersions on someone's parenting because their teen is struggling is not nice..

I did daughter feels fat so doesn't want to go because of this.

Read the OP's update.

Agreed @QueenCamilla it’s bonkers.

You cannot physically drag her there, so I'd ask her where she is staying.
Make it clear she is not staying alone in the house, so what is her solution.

The insane amount of highly strung and micro-controlling parents amazes me

The insane amount of lazy posters who CBA to read the OP's updates amazes me.

Who then go on to post entirely irrelevant stuff relating to their own entirely different experiences.

Please read the updates before you post such nonsense!

The insane amount of highly strung and micro-controlling parents amazes me. Just read any of the "AIBU to leave my 14yo for 30 minutes home alone?".
This is nuts.

Adults give their children zero tools for independence (mind boggling as that is one of the basic roles of parenting in the whole of the animal kingdom) and then proclaim that their young adult 'hasn't matured'. There were times when at 17 someone was half way through their life!

I got my exam results and towards the tail end of 16, I handed in my application for a residential college on the other side of the country. I don't remember my mum having any say in that decision. By 17 I wasn't living at home anymore but completely unsupervised in the student halls. Between the studies, part time work and parties, my own mum didn't see much of me and I definitely wasn't punished for it!

She's 17. Leave her at home. She'd only be miserable and spoil it for everyone else.

Maybe what she needs is a two weeks intensive French course, maybe staying with a “host family” followed by weekly lessons to get her language skills back to an acceptable level. Bi lingualism is a a great gift to a young person.

@dbeuowlxb173939 Yeah?....nah. You can't physically force a 17 year old, that's just not rational. Are you going to physically lift what is basically an adult woman and push her on the plane? They forget they have basically an adult living with them, and her wishes and boundaries should be respected too. Parents can't think only of themselves. It's not all about them anymore. Though many, and on here, seem to think it is and they can steamroll over the needs, rights and feelings of their children.

Regardless, if you read the OP's posts on this thread, things have moved on and her poor daughter has severe anxiety and depression. The OP has only posted 7 times in this thread. If you click on "See all" at the bottom of their first post, it will show you all the OPs posts only, and no one else's, here is the link: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5135472-17-years-old-dd-is-refusing-to-come-with-us-on-holiday?postsby=Joanfromnextdoor

I would tell her she's going and that's it, it's not just a holiday she'll be visiting her grandparents too and they'll be disappointed not to see her

Jesus Christ! 🙄

Please read the OP's updates before posting a list of punishments to dole out to a depressed teen!!!!

The last thing the OP's DD needs is to be left on her own for a week with no means to contact friends and family, no money and nothing to look forward to.

I agree with pp that the nasty posts are from women who must have never parented a teen, let alone a depressed and anxious teen.

#These days kids can't even boil a fuqken egg that should have read.

In this case, @C1N1C , it's the parents mollycoddling the late teen and not even ALLOWING them to have independence. It's the parenting at fault here, not the child who has no say in the matter. FFS I am only 47 so not 70 or anything like that, but our latch key generation were getting dinner (yes, oven and all!) started at 12. These days kids can't even boil a fuqken by the time they leave for uni (I remember a post on here a few years back by a parent that was worried their 16 or 17 year old would 'boil the water too much and set the house on fire')!!
Parents have stopped doing their job and teaching independence. Its not the kids 'expecting to be taken care of' generation, it's the mollycoddling parents who won't even allow their children to develop and grow generation. It is the parent forced Arrested Development generation. It's basically parental neglect.