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AIBU?

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Original poster

17 years old dd is refusing to come with us on holiday

593 replies

Joanfromnextdoor · 05/08/2024 20:05

Name change here as I don’t want to be recognised with my other threads.

We are due to travel to France this weekend and stay for a week. We are going to see my parents for the weekend (they are french) and go for a few days in Normandy. Dd is now refusing to go, saying she hates it there, she is not confident at all with her french (my fault). We went at Christmas last year for the first time in at least 10 years and she said she hated it, felt depressed there.

I think Covid didn’t help at all as we didn’t go to France for 2 years and she has a massive blockage about going.

I have pleaded with her..and she reluctantly said yes she was coming but then changed her mind again. I got her a ticket to Reading to see her favourite artist, I booked for the 2 of us to go to Paris in December as she really wanted to go to find a compromise with her.

I can’t leave her because she is not matured enough, I don’t trust her, she would be the kind to not close the fridge properly, leave rubbish everywhere, she refuses to do anything pretty much.

We have no family that could help us.

We have a 20 years old daughter who really wants to go, we can’t cancel the holiday.

AIBU to lose my shit with her ?? What would you do ?

OP posts:
Original poster
Joanfromnextdoor · 06/08/2024 21:15

She attends 6th form yes.

OP posts:
Runnerinthenight · 06/08/2024 21:15

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Well France has good hospitals. What is it to you?

SoreAndTired1 · 06/08/2024 21:15

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Runnerinthenight · 06/08/2024 21:15

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Are you a GP???!

BruFord · 06/08/2024 21:15

@Joanfromnextdoor Has she been attending school/college this year, or literally just staying in her room?

I’m asking because I’m wondering whether she can cope with being out and about generally, or really can’t right now.

Original poster
Joanfromnextdoor · 06/08/2024 21:14

It’s a change of scenery for all of us !

OP posts:
Runnerinthenight · 06/08/2024 21:14

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What a vicious, nasty comment. You should be ashamed of yourself for that little outburst!!

SoreAndTired1 · 06/08/2024 21:14

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Nanof8 · 06/08/2024 21:14

When my 17 year-old refused to come away with us, I made arrangements for him to stay at one of his buddies. I wasn't missing the time away or wanting to deal with a stroppy teen.

Original poster
Joanfromnextdoor · 06/08/2024 21:13

I have acted as soon as she admitted how she felt - 7.30 this morning called the gp and saw him fast.

OP posts:
SoreAndTired1 · 06/08/2024 21:13

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SoreAndTired1 · 06/08/2024 21:12

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Original poster
Joanfromnextdoor · 06/08/2024 21:12

It’s a change of scenery for a week, fresh air, nice food, her parents who adore her and her big sister.

OP posts:
TiroirSousLeMiroir · 06/08/2024 21:12

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Armchair diagnosis.

The op has taken her daughter to the GP and is now going to book her in with a private psychiatrist. She quite obviously cares.

SoreAndTired1 · 06/08/2024 21:10

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BruFord · 06/08/2024 21:09

@Joanfromnextdoor Good to hear that the GP was so helpful. Did you mention traveling or ask whether it would be a good idea?

It doesn’t sound as if your DD could cope with a holiday or Reading festival until she’s had some help.

Original poster
Joanfromnextdoor · 06/08/2024 21:08

@Starlingexpress she didn’t feel comfortable seeing the extended family and she is not going to see anyone apart from my parents so we reached a compromise. For the holiday in Normandy, I told her it was going to do her good and a change of scenery which she needs - she doesn’t need more time stuck in her bedroom doing nothing. It’s not healthy.

OP posts:
TiroirSousLeMiroir · 06/08/2024 21:07

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I don't think it's for you to overrule the decision the Op and her family, including her daughter have come to regarding the holiday.

Starlingexpress · 06/08/2024 21:03

So she’s so severely depressed she needs urgent private psychiatry? And yet you’re still forcing her to go on the holiday she absolutely does not want yo go on and and allow her to lock’ herself in a room ?

Hmmmmm 🙄

SoreAndTired1 · 06/08/2024 20:58

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ilovesushi · 06/08/2024 20:55

I'm sorry Op. That sounds serious. I'm glad you are getting on top of it and have a plan for the holiday.

SoreAndTired1 · 06/08/2024 20:54

Starlingexpress · 06/08/2024 19:01

Nasty.

The OP hasn’t missed anything. Modern teens are notorious for this type of selfish, brattish behaviour which impacts entire families. They’re also notorious for miraculously recovering from their mental health issues if there’s a trip to Paris or a festival on the cards.

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They’re also notorious for miraculously recovering from their mental health issues if there’s a trip to Paris or a festival on the cards.

Now that's nasty! You clearly don't understand even the most basics about depression and anxiety. Attitudes like yours are shameful in 2024.

Polarnight · 06/08/2024 20:49

Joanfromnextdoor · 06/08/2024 20:46

So we saw the gp today and he strongly advised us to seek psychiatric help for our dd as she is depressed/severe anxiety. I knew she was struggling but I hadn’t realise how much until last night and at the gp this morning. She is definitely going on holiday but we have agreed with my parents that she can lock herself in a bedroom and not seeing anyone.

Would someone have a good recommendation for a private psychiatrist in London who treats adolescent ? Thank you

So sorry OP but glad GP is being good.

Shame on all those who suggested throwing her out and making her work and paying for the spoilt food.

When I was depressed I couldn't decide what I wanted for lunch and would end up in tears and eating nothing. I was an adult she is a child.

I feel sorry for all your children those who made nasty comments about her.

Original poster
Joanfromnextdoor · 06/08/2024 20:46

So we saw the gp today and he strongly advised us to seek psychiatric help for our dd as she is depressed/severe anxiety. I knew she was struggling but I hadn’t realise how much until last night and at the gp this morning. She is definitely going on holiday but we have agreed with my parents that she can lock herself in a bedroom and not seeing anyone.

Would someone have a good recommendation for a private psychiatrist in London who treats adolescent ? Thank you

OP posts:
Charlottescobweb · 06/08/2024 20:18

blackcherryconserve · 06/08/2024 20:10

Don't be ridiculous.

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Exactly!
She needs a job to pay for the spoilt food if she doesn't close the fridge door. Who in there right mind would leave their jobless teenager to run havoc when they can't pay for the waste or damage. I wish money grew on trees but it don't and if their daughter can't take responsibility then why should her parents.

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