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AIBU?

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Original poster

17 years old dd is refusing to come with us on holiday

593 replies

Joanfromnextdoor · 05/08/2024 20:05

Name change here as I don’t want to be recognised with my other threads.

We are due to travel to France this weekend and stay for a week. We are going to see my parents for the weekend (they are french) and go for a few days in Normandy. Dd is now refusing to go, saying she hates it there, she is not confident at all with her french (my fault). We went at Christmas last year for the first time in at least 10 years and she said she hated it, felt depressed there.

I think Covid didn’t help at all as we didn’t go to France for 2 years and she has a massive blockage about going.

I have pleaded with her..and she reluctantly said yes she was coming but then changed her mind again. I got her a ticket to Reading to see her favourite artist, I booked for the 2 of us to go to Paris in December as she really wanted to go to find a compromise with her.

I can’t leave her because she is not matured enough, I don’t trust her, she would be the kind to not close the fridge properly, leave rubbish everywhere, she refuses to do anything pretty much.

We have no family that could help us.

We have a 20 years old daughter who really wants to go, we can’t cancel the holiday.

AIBU to lose my shit with her ?? What would you do ?

OP posts:
BeaRF75 · 05/08/2024 20:25

A 17 year old doesn't want to spend their holiday staying with grandparents - so, so dull. You can't force her down the family route, and the more you try the more she will push against it. Just leave her at home, she'll be fine. If she leaves the fridge door open, so what?

Radarkeigh · 05/08/2024 20:24

She comes on holiday or you kick her out.

Iloveacurry · 05/08/2024 20:24

Sell her ticket to Reading. Cancel the trip to Paris.

sunsetsandboardwalks · 05/08/2024 20:24

StripedPiggy · 05/08/2024 20:22

How?

When I was 17, nothing & nobody could have ‘forced’ me to do anything I didn’t want to do.

Show quote history

When I was 17 I did as I was bloody well told.

I'm realising from this thread that I was either oddly compliant or had parents who didn't take any shit, lol.

DingleDongBellEnd · 05/08/2024 20:24

Leave her at home. My parents stopped taking me on holidays just after I turned 16. They didn't want me with them and I didn't want to go. Worked out fine. I'm now 55 with my own teens. No one died.

StripedPiggy · 05/08/2024 20:22

earlymorningcurlewcall · 05/08/2024 20:15

I would force my child to come. Staying home would not be an option until they're out of school.

How?

When I was 17, nothing & nobody could have ‘forced’ me to do anything I didn’t want to do.

Original poster
Joanfromnextdoor · 05/08/2024 20:22

@Sunshineandpool yes she wants to be left alone

OP posts:
Original poster
Joanfromnextdoor · 05/08/2024 20:22

My parents don’t speak English but they are very kind and patient with her. Honestly I want to give in but my husband won’t - we simply don’t trust her. She doesn’t care about anything but herself.

OP posts:
Girliefriendlikespuppies · 05/08/2024 20:20

I wouldn't beg her, just tell her she's going 🤷‍♀️

FinalInstructionstotheAudience · 05/08/2024 20:20

Leave her at home but switcg off the internet!

waterrat · 05/08/2024 20:19

I'd leave her at home.

Donotneedit · 05/08/2024 20:19

Your main job is getting her ready to be an adult, she’s old enough to be in the house on her own, just let her stay

Sunshineandpool · 05/08/2024 20:19

Does she want to stay at home alone?

sunsetsandboardwalks · 05/08/2024 20:19

SpanThatWorld · 05/08/2024 20:16

And how do you force a 17 year old to leave the country when you say "End of argument" and they say "No."

Show quote history

Well, maybe I was an odd teenager but I would genuinely never have occurred to me that saying "no" was an option in a scenario like this, lol.

My parents told me and I bloody well listened.

Tootyfilou · 05/08/2024 20:18

At 17 she should visit her grandparents whether she wants to or not. It’s respectful . Tell her part of being an adult is doing things you don’t really want to do. Be kind but don’t pander to her.

Balloonhearts · 05/08/2024 20:18

How is a 17 year old not able to be left alone? Most 18 year olds who can afford to are LIVING alone either in their own place or at college. Does she have special needs? If so and she can't be left then put your foot down. She's coming. End of.

If she doesn't have special needs then leave her home. It's about time she grew up a bit and had some independence.

Gymmum82 · 05/08/2024 20:17

She’s almost an adult. She can stay home and fend for herself. What’s she going to do in under a years time when she’s no idea how to look after herself?

DisgruntledPelican · 05/08/2024 20:17

I was going to come on here from the 17yo perspective as I was left home alone at that age when I absolutely did not want to go away with my parents any more. But having read the post in full - nah, she needs to go. Should have said at time of booking, not let you pay for things and then change her mind. She can stay in if she doesn’t want to participate.

LoquaciousPineapple · 05/08/2024 20:17

I'd leave her at home. She's essentially an adult and dragging her along isn't going to make anyone happy. I can't imagine having raised a 17 year old who couldn't be trusted on her own for a week. Is she really that immature, or are you just overbearing? Leaving the fridge open isn't a reason to not trust her.

Are your parents or friends going to be speaking English to her, or insist on French? If she's not confident in her French and she'll have to be using it constantly, I can see why she doesn't want to go.

Morwenscapacioussleeves · 05/08/2024 20:17

I was away at university at 17 & backpacked at the other side of the world for the 6 weeks before.

Just leave her home. You'll enjoy your holiday, she gets to have a peaceful week/grow up a bit/learns she should have come on holiday.

wellington77 · 05/08/2024 20:17

If she’s refusing to go to France then she’s refusing to see her grandparents, I would make her ring them up and tell them if she’s that dead set on not going. Tell her you aren’t going to do her dirty work. Shes being very selfish and comes across spoiled. If she does stay at home I’d make sure it’s not fun!

SpanThatWorld · 05/08/2024 20:16

sunsetsandboardwalks · 05/08/2024 20:14

Why are you begging and pleading with a 17 year old?

She does what she's told. End of discussion. When she's 18 she can choose whether she comes on holiday.

Show quote history

And how do you force a 17 year old to leave the country when you say "End of argument" and they say "No."

earlymorningcurlewcall · 05/08/2024 20:15

I would force my child to come. Staying home would not be an option until they're out of school.

Frowningprovidence · 05/08/2024 20:14

I think at 17 she should visit her grandparents.
I think 17 year olds do get a choice over many things but family ties are important.

SpanThatWorld · 05/08/2024 20:14

Our middle son was 16 when he just announced he wasn't coming on holiday - on the day of departure.

My husband was all for arguing but I walked out and left him. He was actually fine and the house was still standing when we got back. Not to mention what a relief it was not to put up with him throwing his weight around and being a twat. We all had a lovely week away.

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