17 years old dd is refusing to come with us on holiday

I think you explain to her that she has to suck it up and come on holiday. She does not get to choose! No way would I leave a 17-year old home alone that I didn’t trust to be responsible/ mature enough.
I have 3 wonderful respectful mature adult daughters but no way would I have left any of them home alone for a week at that age, they just don’t know what they don’t know.
it’s only a week for goodness sake.

How good is her French? Enough to have a semi decent conversation with her GPs if she really tried? If not, I do think you have to shoulder some of the blame for her reluctance as she’ll be awkward and embarrassed about it which is feeding into anxiety.

Yes and the onus is on the bilingual person - Mum - to make sure she translates or helps dd to practice her French, rather than just leaving her sat there not understanding

Well I travelled without my parents (from one relative in France back to another in UK) at 14 and was fine, and after that, went on church camps when my parents/sibs went on holiday because I preferred it 😅.

Its a shame your dd doesn't want to visit her dGPs but I agree with those saying 17 is generally too old to be just 'made to' go.

But to earn that freedom for herself she has to prove she can act like a responsible 17-year-old, so for example she should:
-Listen to you explaining calmly how this has made you/dGPs feel, and ask her to acknowledge that;
-Send a note/gift to dGPs saying why she isn't coming this time
-undertake to look after the house/garden/herself;
-manage on the limited budget you will save from not taking her, plus her own money;
-facetime you every evening to check in (as an act of care for you, her parent, because it will make you feel more comfortable).

Sell the tickets to Reading.

normandy is boring for teens too! at that age they likely want to go abroad with their mates - or go somewhere lively where the sisters can go off to venues or sightseeing

my teens 18&16 would be bored in france unless skiing

There are two choices aren’t there? Either she stays alone (which you’ve said isn’t an option but ought to be, barring SEN), or comes with you.

If you don’t want her to stay alone, you have to find a way to lay down the law.

Perhaps she doesn’t get some of these massive treats like the festival tickets or the trip to Paris if she doesn’t come?

And isn’t it a good opportunity to get confident with her French?

I stayed home from 14 yr old when my parent visited the grandparents as I was bored out of my mind when I visited. She’ll be fine.

Whats the alternative then? OP is adamant she is too immature to be left alone. She has to come.

Leave her behind on the condition that you come back to a clean and tidy house - whatever state you leave it in, you shall return to. Will be good for her to have a week to run a house. I guess you’d need some repercussion up your sleeve for if she doesn’t succeed.

They're only visiting the grandparents for a weekend then going to Normandy for the rest of the holiday - hardly an arduous experience is it?!

wow who on earth would sell her reading ticket?! she’s not forcing you to go there is she? family holidays have always been a family decision in our house even when little they had their opinion

They are only with the grandparents for the weekend.

Gillick competence is to do with medical decisions. Not relevant here.

I went on holiday with my parents under duress when I was 16, never went again. Don't make her go. Can she not stay with a friend?

I think I'd say if she didn't come she'd have to pay back the cost of her holiday.

staying with grandparents in france who don’t speak english is not a holiday and i wouldn’t force my teens, no way

leave her at home. I wouldn’t even organise that as a family holiday - that’s a visit to family not a holiday

She’s 17. She is fine to stay on her own for a week.
If you are nervous about her safety, set up ring cameras in the house. Make that the condition that she can stay on her own. Not all rooms obviously, perhaps the hallway or the living room.

She will probably be bored and miss you all lots. She will probably also regret not coming on holiday with you. But she needs to find this out for herself.

Or maybe, it will be the best thing for her and you can see how much she has matured and how capable she is. That will boost her self esteem no end and build confidence. Taking on the French language will seem easy then!

Sure. 🙄

Leave her at home .. she almost an adult .. if she messes up, she messes up. You never know, are might fly. Maybe family can keep their eye on her.

You can’t force her to go .. as in physically drag her to the car.

If you're confident she won't have parties then I'd let her stay home

What does being Gillick competent have to do with anything? There are 12 year olds who are Gillick competent - they wouldn't be staying home alone!

Why do people post stuff like this?

Internet on a strict daily limit and sell her festival ticket and take someone else to Paris. If she’s happy with all that then she can stay at home.

She’s Gillick competent. You can’t “make”
her go with you. What does that look like anyway? Physically manhandling her into the car? She’s 17 not 7.

I would calmly say it would mean a lot to your grandparents if you come. If she refuses you go without her.