17 years old dd is refusing to come with us on holiday

She's still a child and you're the parent. Seriously why is this even a discussion? She's coming with you and needs to suck it up. It's a week.

When threads are over ten pages long, it’s always a good idea to have a quick look at the OP’s posts. Things move on.

She's 17 you really should be able to leave her home a few days without thinking she'll leave the fridge open!

You need to give her a bit of independence, she's practically an adult.

Look at the Clinical Partners website. Good luck OP. I think your plan is a good compromise.

I am not sure these are things to aspire to.

I removed my earlier message as I'm sorry I'd missed your updates.

Really interesting to see how your initial frustration at what seems like a sullen teen's stubbornness so quickly grew into concern with her revelations of what lay beneath.

Mental health issues in teens are a big issue and need professional care and understanding.

They're not necessarily just being a pain. We have to ask and listen and empathise with what they're experiencing. COVID isolation in their adolescence, mad things happening in their own cities today, scary big things happening in the world, identity crises ... I wouldn't want to be a teen today.

Great you were able to get GP and do hope you are all able to enjoy the trip.

Everyone can still see it though. Edit ≠ delete you know. Why do people think that?!?

G

Message deleted by me.

Joanfromnextdoor you sound like a wonderful mum. I hope that your dd gets the help that she needs.

Look after yourself.

You might want to read more than just the first post, there is a chance in 22 pages things have moved on.

She comes and behaves herself or she looses all allowances and the trips are cancelled / you’ll take someone else!! And stick to it!!
If she’s refusing to come and isn’t trusted to stay home then she needs to go and stay with a friend as your house will be locked up and she’s not allowed her key!!
My parents went away when I was 18 and my brother was 22…. They didn’t trust my brother so we both had not stay at my Grandmothers house! He opted to stay at a friends instead!! Take her key off her and tell her she only stays if she can find someone to stay with… staying home alone isn’t an option… it’s your house, it doesn’t matter how old she is, you set the rules in your home!!

I would definitely recommend Dr Christos Dimitriou, not sure if he sees adolescent’s but he probably does. He is the kindest, most patient and good humoured psychiatrist I have ever met. He used to be a government advisor and head of mental health in Westminster, he’s not cheap but without him I would not be my happy self I am today. He made my GP sit up and listen that’s for sure! He will do his first sessions on diagnosis then advise a treatment plan- medication and or therapy . Last I knew he had an office in Harley Street and Golders Green. Honestly I never felt embarrassed telling him anything, he made me feel like I was actually brave and strong for still being alive frankly with the lack of treatment for my now diagnosed bipolar. I’m not really sure why but I can’t get the website to work, but here are his details and secretarties details: Sara St. John Perry
Practice Manager
Tel: 07720558940
For and on behalf of

Dr. Christos Dimitriou
Consultant Psychiatrist
Director CD Practice Limited
www.christosdimitriou.co.uk

Read the ops posts ffs

She's 17, assuming no sn as you have not mentioned. Leave her at home. Its not a holiday as such for her, it's visiting boring old people who don't speak English and being stuck in house with them with nothing to talk about, then somewere else equally dull. Bits a holiday for you, rubbish for her, and when she sulks you will blame her even more.

My parents dragged me on a holiday when I was 16,and I hated every single last fucking minute of it.
She’s 17, she will be fine for a week.

I would leave her at home. If she goes she will make it miserable for you. You might be surprised at how competent she is when thrown in at the deep end and left in charge.

I wish you and your daughter luck. She will get through it she is in sixth form. Encourage her to work hard and pursue her dreams and she should be okay. If she decides to go to university she will change and grow. I would suggest finding a hypnotherapist who she can talk to and can help her relax and give her exercises to do to help relax her in the day. She probably has a very active mind and finds it hard to sleep at night.

A hypnotherapist I met asked my friend to close her eyes and to pick a colour and then paint yourself in that colour and wash away all that has happened it's very relaxing and therapeutic. Obviously there was more steps but it was a good session and she felt better.

Read the updates @Weonlyhavealoanofit!

Well she isn’t an adult. Adults close the fridge door and look after places. Adults recognise when someone else is footing the bill. Adults try and do what is right. So now we’ve established that she isn’t an adult and that she couldn’t care less about your feelings, her sister’s feelings and or your French family’s feelings. Tell her that you are v disappointed with her and that shes ungrateful and unkind. If she wants to stay at home at least have the courage to make some rules about how she behaves whilst you’re away and that there are
consequences if she breaks the house rules. Btw Daddy needs to get stuck in as well and remind her that she isn’t being a martyr, she’s being a brat.

OP, please take no heed to the vitriolic ranting. It’s unpleasant and entirely unnecessary to keep pushing the same point repeatedly. You know your daughter and her needs best now that she has at last confided in you.
I’m glad you managed to get help and advice from the doctor so quickly for her.

I am with you in thinking that the break away could do her good,- as long as she feels secure and much less challenged with the new adjustments you have made for her in no longer having to spend time with wider family, but instead being encouraged to retreat to her own private space when she needs to.
Hoping the holiday plan goes well for you all and that your Dd can soon have help from a professional to support her and help her back to good health.

When I was 16 I very suddenly felt really depressed. And I wasn't sure why. I turned to my mum and said exactly that. She supported me and I got much better with time and family time.

Whilst we as outsiders have no idea how seriously OP's daughter is suffering, at 16/17 there are hormonal changes in the body and brain that cause a certain amount of upset in everyone, and it's very normal. Changes of scene are helpful for that kind of thing.

Whether ultimately this young lady's problem reveals itself to be deeper than that is a question for the professionals, and it's to OP's great credit that she is looking at that route.

@SoreAndTired1 She was going to school until two weeks ago, it’s not quite as dire as we thought-at least as I thought, I’d assumed she’d been unable to leave the house for ages.