17 years old dd is refusing to come with us on holiday

What a ridiculous statement…you can’t ‘make’ a 17 year old do anything, so how exactly do you follow through on the statement that she doesn’t have a choice? You can’t force her into a car or on to a plane And you can’t lock her out of the house and leave her to fend for herself on the streets while you without her. If the OP has raised someone so ill prepared for life that she can’t be trusted at home for a week at 17 then that’s as much on her as the daughter…17 is a relatively normal age to stop going on family holidays surely? And if the grandparents were that concerned about a relationship with someone who can’t speak their language, perhaps they could visit her once in a while!

Well, my child is working towards a specialist exam first thing next term, doing an extended research project, continuing with his sport twice a week, volunteering once a week. His friends are pretty similar, with some adding in part time jobs, including one who got a job on Waitrose only to realise the reality of limited annual leave applied to him too 😂 So maybe the ops daughter has all six weeks off but I wouldn't take that for granted at all!

My Mum is French and therefore my grandparents were also. Spoke no English, nor did any of that side of the family. I do speak decent enough French but still at that age I didn't want to visit. I found the French side of my family quite hard to get on with, quite judgemental and I was also vegetarian which went down like a lead balloon and made meal times fraught!
Fast forward and my 21 year old daughter hasn't been to France since she was 16 when she found my Stepdad and French side of my family quite hard to get along with. I can tolerate it as I'm used to it but I do see her point in that their views and values are very different and quite at odds with a young woman, could just be my family but they are pretty sexist and place a lot of importance on looks and having a partner. Even my husband finds them hard work!
I wouldn't force her, it wouldn't be fun for any of you. She's old enough to stay behind and look after herself for sure. Don't take her to Paris though! She's lost that's

I stopped going on family holidays at 16. My parents were fine with it, I had the phone numbers for extended family if anything went wrong but it never did. It wasn't turned into a battle and I wasn't shamed or punished for deciding not to go.

As an adult I love going on holiday with my dad and the siblings that can/want to. We share costs and decisions and really enjoy each other's company. I doubt that would be the case if I'd been left with bad memories of being forced to go on holidays I didn't want to when I was old enough to look after myself for a week!

OP probably can make her DD go, one way or another, but I don't think she should.

I’m inclined to agree with you @Frowningprovidence. If this were just an holiday, I’d say leave her at home, but this is spending time with her grandparents, who, to be blunt, won’t be around forever. Could you change her ticket so she could come home after visiting them perhaps?

My two (19 and 15) have spent my with my Dad this summer for his:sake far more than theirs. He loves seeing them and they make an effort.

There’s no “legal grey area” about leaving a 17 year old at home, it’s absolutely fine legally

I've known a few parents who chucked out their adult offspring when they turned 18. Legally they are an adult at 18 they can drink and go to big prison. If they don't want to live and fit in then they can Fuck Off.

Leave her at home. Leaving the fridge is not a reason not to

How can she be capable of going to Reading. festival but not able to stay at home?

I'd leave them at home and book a grocery delivery.

The school holidays are not 'limited' free time. It's 6-8 weeks of no responsibilities, unless they get a holiday job. A week out of their comfort zone isn't child abuse.

But as I said, let them fend for themselves if they are willing to do it without wifi

I left mine with one of her friends.

You obvs can’t physically force her to go if she plays hardball. But might it call her bluff if you say she can stay at home? Might she then decide to come because she won’t want to be alone for a week?

Bit of a legal grey area should anything happen to her while you’re away, especially if you feel she’s not capable of looking after herself. So, if she decides to stay at home, could you arrange for a neighbour or friend to keep an eye. Or could she stay with a friend for the week instead?

I’ve left my son at home when he was 17, as he didn’t want to miss a party, but he’s streetwise and perfectly capable of looking after himself/the house. I didn’t go on holiday with my mum after age 14.

She may not need to but it's surprising she isn't anyway. And she needs conversational French to speak to her grandmother

I would have thought 17 too old to be going on holiday with your parents no? Surely she’s immature because you’re not giving her enough independence.

Saying that, at 17 I would have chewed off an arm to go to France, I didn’t travel much though and had v little growing up. Your daughter sounds spoilt, why are you bribing her to go on a free holiday? Also why doesn’t she want to see her grandparents? That’s the unusual bit for me. Does she not have a good relationship with them? All very odd, as again at that age she should want to and be making an effort to see her grandparents.

Actions have consequences. I have never had to put this in place though.

She's old enough to be left to fend for herself. I'd leave her be.

I think 17 year olds can understandably be a bit protective of how they get to use their limited free time. There are so many pressures on them at that ages especially if they are doing A levels/extracurriculars/volunteering/job etc etc that they want to use their down time in a way that suits them.

That said, I expect if she's not used to being left, she'll find a week on her own hard work. I wouldn't fill the fridge etc; let her sort it. Either she'll step up and it will be a good experience for her, or she'll be coming on holiday with you with a more grateful attitude next time!

Yes, but my point was, she doesn't need to be fluent for a week's holiday.

Ones that go away to do their A levels at somewhere like Hartpury College

Of course she can stay at home.

You don't need to stock the fridge for her, she can be responsible for that herself.

Personally I might change the WiFi password and not give her the new one - after all, you don't owe each other anything do you?

17/18 is the average age students graduate high school, is it not. They then go away to uni.

If she leaves the fridge door open she will have to go and buy more milk for her cereal. If she leaves rubbish around it will stink in her nostrils not yours. She will survive.

At 16 I stayed home some for a week while family went on holiday. She will be fine. She’s nearly old enough to move out/go to uni etc.

She is 17. Leave her at home for the week and don't worry about it.