17 years old dd is refusing to come with us on holiday

I did but I’d rather hang out with my friends in the city we lived at than go to the countryside to do not very much and be bored out of my mind for days on end.

I wouldn’t book a grocery delivery, not if she is going to leave the fridge door open!

Just leave her behind, but you don't do any prep for it. She has to keep it clean and tidy. I just suddenly say ok you can stay. She may be attention seeking and she may love the fact you are pleading and begging her

If she can’t be trusted at home she has to find a friend whose family will take her in for the week or she comes with you. I would also say how disappointed and upset I am that she is choosing not to visit her grandparents

This is how my parents raised me and it did help me to see other people's POVs (even though it felt SOOOO UNFAIR at the time 🤣)

Oh op I'm sorry. As a Brit abroad, I'd be devastated if one of my boys refused to go back to the UK to visit my home / family.
Sympathies. I hope she goes in the end and enjoys it.

I'd left home by the time I was 17 - how have you raised a young adult that can't manage to work out that she needs to close the fridge?
Just tell her you expect the house to be as tidy as you left it on getting home

I don’t think forcing it is going to foster a true relationship though? Ds has a great relationship with his grandparents precisely because it’s a free choice. We’ve traveled to see them together or alternatively I go alone or he does. They also reciprocate and try to share in what interests him. It doesn’t sound like that has happened in OP’s case.

Good for your child. It isn't the norm though! And the OP hasn't raised any of those arguments.

If their DC has commitments at home then.of course it would be different.

But all they have said is their DC doesn't want to go

I left my 18 and 16 year old at home with the dog while we went on holiday. When we got back there was dog hair everywhere I had to clean it up. I sold the dog a few weeks ago. I am all for leaving late teens behind they cost too much money.

It's not just a holiday though. She is also visiting her grandparents. Part of life is sometimes doing things you don't want to for the care of others. Stop begging and pleading. Tell her she has to come and visit them for their sake not hers.

I wouldn't be taking her to Paris for a concert if she won't go to visit her grandparents. (If I've understood correctly).

I'd go natural consequences.

France is boring.
Her French isn't good enough

If I misread and concert is in U.K. just go natural consequences "actually I don't want to go - it's boring. And I know you don't think anyone should go somewhere they don't want to - even to please others".

This worked for me with ds and helped him see the world from both sides - eventually. We did have a few accusations of me trying to use bribery along the way 😂😂

I just pointed out I wasn't bribing him to go. I was actually respecting his rules on the way life should work 😉

If you don’t trust her ask where she’ll be staying for the week because it won’t be at home. If she stays at a friend’s, okay, but no Paris or Reading unless she comes away and makes an effort with her grandparents.

I agree with this. Bilingualism is such a gift. You can’t repair the damage now but what I wouldn’t have given to have been raised speaking my grandfather’s first language - but sadly he didn’t raise my Mum with it. Would have benefitted me more than almost anything else.

I agree. I'd tell her it's the last year she has to go and she needs to make an effort for her grandparents sake.

Why was she desperate to go to Paris if she hates France so much?

I'd just say that she's coming and then stop asking her about whether she's coming/wants to go.

I agree. Tell her how disappointed her grandparents would be if she didn’t go, and how it would spoil your own and her sister's holiday.It would be very selfish of her. A week won’t kill her. If she absolutely refuses you can’t physically drag her but you can certainly stop all treats for a long time once you’re back.

She's old enough to know that sometimes adults do things we don’t really want to do, because it will make other people happy.

She can stay, only if u can track her on phone ding know she’s alive. Give her fixed ££ per day. Don’t gush or give her any extra attention. Treat her like someone who has let u down.
if she takes u off location tracker, punish her when return. No phone or no money.

@Growlybear83 but the op is worried about kitchen hygiene, not wild parties

I think 17 year olds can understandably be a bit protective of how they get to use their limited free time.

You think 17 year olds have limited free time compared to adults who are in full time employment and have all the other responsibilities that go with being an adult?

I get that a 17yo might not want to go on a family holiday - I didn't myself when I was that age. It's the rudeness to her grandparents that is objectionable. Will she be expecting a present from them when she turns 18?

(And if she leaves the fridge open and food is wasted, she replaces it.)

My ds is 17.. this is how it went in our house:
Me - I’m thinking of going down to visit family next month, do you want to come?
Ds - nah.. I’m still looking for a job so probably bad timing, but I might go see them in the autumn.
Me - cool.. you can look after the cat.
The issue isn’t that your dd doesn’t want to go visit family (nice as that is, it’s not really a holiday per se) it’s that you don’t feel she’s capable of staying home for a week!

Don’t be silly if all you have to worry about is her leaving the fridge open and a bit of rubbish then you are molly coddling the girl.’

I think there's a huge difference. I didn't have a problem with my daughter going to festivals at 16, but I would never have left her at home alone at that age. She woukd have been perfectly capable of looking after herself, and was a good cook by that age, but I could never have trusted her not to have had a party as soon as we were away.

I assume you’re French so why isn’t she bilingual? If you force her to go you will all be miserable, time to stop fucking babying her and trying to bribe her. Leave her at home or if you don’t trust her your dh can stay home.
Resell the Reading ticket.

I think that as it's paid for she goes.

If she hadn't agreed to go when you pleaded with her what would the plan have been?