17 years old dd is refusing to come with us on holiday

This. I used my phone, tv, playstation anything to distract myself from the thoughts. First i would try to go a minute, then two, then, five, then ten.
yes i would be on my phone till late as some nights i wouldn’t sleep, but it was better than lying there.
gp is a good place to start.
sometimes i wanted to be around people, sometimes i just wanted to be left alone.
don’t take things away from her. Having this is not a punishment, ( which is what it would be feeling like).
i hope she feels better soon.

Vous avez élevé un enfant gâté…..

I don't know where you are that 17 year olds who have finished secondary school aren't at uni.
At 17 it's her choice where she goes, and a sign of maturity is asserting her boundaries. Any parent that begs a 17 year old, is the pathetic one, and selfish.

I wouldn't be bothered about the not wanting to come on holiday, that's pretty normal I think
I would, however, be bothered that my child would refuse to visit their grandparents, language barrier or not. They are her grandparents and I would be extremely disappointed if my child chose to deny them the opportunity to see and spend time with them while they are still around. It's not like it's a 6 mth stay and it's really not a big ask in the scheme of things.

How do you force a 17yo to do something they don't want to?
No need for 'forcing'
It's give and take in our home. My 17yr old would realise that, even if they don't really want to, it's important to me. That's how we roll. No 'forcing' but I don't place a lot of 'demands' so when something is important to me, they listen 🤷‍♀️

Don’t cancel the other things. Her behaviour sounds perfectly normal for a 17 year old. Relax and go off without her.

@Joanfromnextdoor please ignore all the unsympathetic posts from the heartless posters who have never had to deal with a depressed teen.

I have walked in your shoes, and I hope your DD gets the help and support she needs. I agree that leaving a depressed teen on their own for a week is not a good idea.

Well said @SoreAndTired1
I must have cross posted with you. Some posters have had a complete empathy bypass haven't they.

At 17, basically an adult, you wouldn't have had a choice? That's really sad. It's 17. Not 7.

I agree with this.

I've had bad anxiety in the past and hiding yourself away and being on your phone until late at night is one of the worst things you can do.

It would be a good idea to help her work out a cutoff time for the phone and then bring it into your room with you until she can reset the unhealthy and damaging habits.

Wow, you really need to educate yourself on depression and anxiety. It is nothing at all to do with being 'pathetic' or 'spoiled brat-esque'. That there is still such ignorance, stigma and horrible judgemental attitudes around mental health, in 2024, is so sad. I thought we would have been better educated on the issue by now.

I'm afraid to say it sounds like she had all her excuses ready for you.

And I think if one parent is going it should be you since it's your parents your visiting

I don't know of any 17 year olds away at University. The average 18 or 19 year old at University in their first year are not living alone either, they live comunally. Maybe you are in a different country to me? I'm in the UK.

As someone who suffered severe depression and anxiety at 16/17 and had to have high doses of medication, i would not cancel reading.
if my parents had taken reading away, the only thing i had actually been looking forward too, that would have been one more thing to add to the list.

At that age,I wouldn't have had a choice.

I have to say that the OP's DD is bloody fortunate to still have her maternal grandparents. My children had lost both of theirs by the time the eldest was 9, and the final grandparent by the time they were 15.

Firstly, No one is at uni at 17.
Secondly, she agreed to come initially so and work should have already been taken as leave.
Thirdly, 17 is certainly not too old to be ‘dragged’ on holiday for a week with parents. Especially when it’s seeing grandparents. Yes it might be boring. So what? You are doing something for someone else. She should he mature enough to understand that this means the world to her parents, sister and grandparents. And she already said she would go.
Quite honestly if she’s so immature to have her mum begging to go then I don’t think she is at all mature enough trustworthy in a house all week alone.
I have a 15 year old and she would never have me begging and pleading. She would hate to see me like that- how degrading.
This 17 year old sounds really quite immature and spoilt. If OP has booking things as rewards to go and explained why it’s so important to everyone and she is still digging her heels in it’s just incredibly immature and selfish.

What a horrible thing to say!
Please read the OP's last update.
Are you always this lacking in empathy?

I’m finding it so funny the amount of people who would force her to come. How exactly will OP manage to physically do that.?
She’s 17; old enough to have sex, get married, have a job…

I did, and I replied. Which is why the trip should be cancelled altogether.

Her daughter's mental health is completely beside the point to whether an otherwise mentally health 17 year old should be trusted to stay at home for a week.

My mum was the same, married at 18, but while her marriage was happy and lasting, she didn't ever want the same for any of us!

Crap. I've had three of them.

She sounds absolutely pathetic.

Feeling depressed for being in France over Christmas....wow that really is spoiled brat-esque.

You've done a lot for her now she needs to learn the skill of compromise.

Sorry saw your final post.

sounds like she needs to improve her sleep hygiene to reduce mental health issues.

no phone after a set time, not kept in her room overnight.

and if she cannot manage going away with her family then Reading festival is an absolute no.

Like I said. A foreign accent is a sign of bravery.

Still married over 20 years later though! 😂

I think you should read the OP's last update. I don't think her DD should be left on her own under the circumstances.