17 years old dd is refusing to come with us on holiday

Not in the UK, in England. This isn't the case in Scotland, many students go to uni at 17.

Thanks for the replies about Scotland and Australia - interesting to hear.

Year 13 in England and Wales (I'm having to assume Scotland is different now) is the second of the two years you spend in 6th form. It's when you do A levels, as they're known over here. To the pp who asked.

Are you talking about 17-year olds? Because they wouldn’t go to uni in Sweden. They wouldn’t even get their student money (you basically get paid to go) until you are 20 years old I think.

More a threat. The OP paints a picture of an incredibly immature child who cannot be trusted to be left home alone, so needs drastic measures to get her to comply and come on holiday.

A slight overreaction, don't you think??

I think she’ll be using depressed in the classic teenager sense, as we all did in my day

Years 10 and 11 are GCSE years, years 12 and 13 (also known as upper and lower sixth in many places), are ALevel years. In my experience in England at any rate.

It's really good that she has opened up to you. Yes to taking her to the GP asap. Gutted for you that your trip is messed up, but you can't leave her on her own like this. x

He stayed at home and looked after the dog while I was away for three nights. he doesn’t enjoy holidays

Sorry just saw update- definitely in that case I wouldn't leave her at home nor would I want her to go to Reading !

That isn’t the case UK-wide.

I was at university with quite a lot of 17 year old Scottish students.

In Scotland a child is effectively an adult at 16. Surgery wrote to 16 to get his phone number as it’s on him now. He could get married! This babying of DCs is not a good thing

I’d let her stay home at 17. I stayed home at 16 when my parents went away for a week. It actually made me appreciate being cooked for, living in a tidy house and having company! Also if you say, genuinely meaning it, that she can stay home- she might even change her mind and come.

You have all spoiled your kidd.

Scottish teens absolutely can be at uni when they're 17.

It's frustrating- I understand you want her to see her family . My DD stopped doing this at 17/18 my family are far away from where we live . But I would be cancelling her Reading ticket - due to lost expenses and wouldn't bribe . I'd also expect her to contact her GPs to let them know she's decided not to come . As other posters have said - family ties are important . Unless she is SEN I wouldn't worry leaving my 17 yo at home .

Some scottish students.

Australia.

I've never heard of a 'year 13'. I thought year 12 (as the final year of secondary school) was a universal thing all across the world. It certainly is in NZ, Canada, America, Sweden...

This is one of the most brutal threads I have read on here for a while.

The judgement, the name calling, the self satisfied insults in French - just how is that helpful to the OP?

I also find the comparisons to our lives at 17 to the lives of today's 17 year olds somewhat irrelevant.

I was far more independent at 17 than my 17 year old is now, but I hadn't come of age during a global pandemic, been cut off from friends and family, struggled hugely to reintegrate into a school system that was nothing like the one n the 90s all whilst living in a somewhat toxic digital age feeling like the fabric of society was coming apart.

@Joanfromnextdoor I'm glad your DD managed to open up and it sounds a good plan to modify the trip to take her feelings into account. I hope you all have a good time and enjoy the break. My 17 year old has been reluctant to come away with us this year but we both know that they are not ready to stay at home alone for a week just yet.

We have said that this is the last year we will plan for them to come and if they want to stay at home next year, that gives us a year to build their confidence and independence so that they are ready. We will probably try a couple of nights away in a half term to test the waters, then go for a week with the other kids in the summer.

Hope you have a good holiday, it's not easy but I wish you luck.

Where do you live where 17 year olds are at Uni @SoreAndTired1 ? I'm very interested.

In the UK you finish year 13 in the summer term of the year you turn 18 (if your birthday is 1st January to 31st August) or 19 if your birthday is 1st September to 31st December.

Unless for some unusual reason you are a year ahead of your peers nobody in the UK goes to University before they are 18. They could be 18 on Aug 31st so one day over 17 but they will be 18.

Just saw the update. If she is depressed, it's possible that the last thing she needs is you staying home with her trying to make her feel better. Speaking from experience

I’d be very cross but at that age I would leave her and go and enjoy your holiday.

Indeed. I couldn't accept "social anxiety" as a reason not to visit grandparents, whereas a trip to alcohol and drug-fuelled Reading festival with hundreds of thousands of other people packed into rows of tents like sardines, is just fine.

I wouldn't leave my kids at home at 17 in case they had parties!