Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

17 years old dd is refusing to come with us on holiday

593 replies

Joanfromnextdoor · 05/08/2024 20:05

Name change here as I don’t want to be recognised with my other threads.

We are due to travel to France this weekend and stay for a week. We are going to see my parents for the weekend (they are french) and go for a few days in Normandy. Dd is now refusing to go, saying she hates it there, she is not confident at all with her french (my fault). We went at Christmas last year for the first time in at least 10 years and she said she hated it, felt depressed there.

I think Covid didn’t help at all as we didn’t go to France for 2 years and she has a massive blockage about going.

I have pleaded with her..and she reluctantly said yes she was coming but then changed her mind again. I got her a ticket to Reading to see her favourite artist, I booked for the 2 of us to go to Paris in December as she really wanted to go to find a compromise with her.

I can’t leave her because she is not matured enough, I don’t trust her, she would be the kind to not close the fridge properly, leave rubbish everywhere, she refuses to do anything pretty much.

We have no family that could help us.

We have a 20 years old daughter who really wants to go, we can’t cancel the holiday.

AIBU to lose my shit with her ?? What would you do ?

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Mummyoflittledragon · 15/08/2024 14:28

RampantIvy · 14/08/2024 21:14

I hope your DD is receiving the treatment she needs @Mummyoflittledragon Flowers

Thanks @RampantIvy. She is. Well, we are paying privately. She isn’t engaging in therapy so we (mostly me) is being taught to look after her. Hard slog.

Polarnight · 14/08/2024 21:57

Berlinlover · 14/08/2024 21:17

Whose fault is it that she doesn’t close the fridge properly and leaves rubbish around the place?

People are just being deliberately obtuse now

Berlinlover · 14/08/2024 21:17

Whose fault is it that she doesn’t close the fridge properly and leaves rubbish around the place?

RampantIvy · 14/08/2024 21:14

I hope your DD is receiving the treatment she needs @Mummyoflittledragon Flowers

Mummyoflittledragon · 14/08/2024 21:10

RampantIvy · 14/08/2024 21:00

I don't think that parents deliberately raise a depressed and anxious child.

What a needlessly spiteful remark Hmm

Show quote history

It is a really hurtful comment. Someone sent me vile messages blaming me for my dd’s anorexia and it was really upsetting. Solidarity op.

RampantIvy · 14/08/2024 21:00

ChildlessCatLadiesRuleOK · 14/08/2024 20:49

By and large, people tend to get the kids they raise.

I don't think that parents deliberately raise a depressed and anxious child.

What a needlessly spiteful remark Hmm

ChildlessCatLadiesRuleOK · 14/08/2024 20:49

By and large, people tend to get the kids they raise.

RampantIvy · 14/08/2024 18:05

BeRedSnake · 14/08/2024 15:52

Seriously? She's 17 and can't stay alone? What a coddled baby!!!!

If you can't say anything helpful please at least make the effort to read the OP's updates. Select "see all" on the OP's first post.

Here is a snippet for you to read: So we saw the gp today and he strongly advised us to seek psychiatric help for our dd as she is depressed/severe anxiety.

Polarnight · 14/08/2024 17:17

BeRedSnake · 14/08/2024 15:52

Seriously? She's 17 and can't stay alone? What a coddled baby!!!!

If you'd read the thread you'd see she has severe anxiety and depression.

God you're nasty

BeRedSnake · 14/08/2024 15:52

Seriously? She's 17 and can't stay alone? What a coddled baby!!!!

MindfulBear · 09/08/2024 22:07

Redmat · 05/08/2024 23:03

Unless for some unusual reason you are a year ahead of your peers nobody in the UK goes to University before they are 18. They could be 18 on Aug 31st so one day over 17 but they will be 18.

There were plenty of 17yos at my university. Often Scottish who had finished their highers and got a place at uni and didn't want to take a gap year.

RampantIvy · 09/08/2024 18:36

blubberball · 09/08/2024 14:31

If she's not mature enough to stay home, then tough. She'll just have to suck it up

Read the OP's updates before you post unhelpful comments Hmm

Polarnight · 09/08/2024 15:41

blubberball · 09/08/2024 14:31

If she's not mature enough to stay home, then tough. She'll just have to suck it up

Read the thread

blubberball · 09/08/2024 14:31

If she's not mature enough to stay home, then tough. She'll just have to suck it up

JFDIYOLO · 09/08/2024 14:21

How are things, OP?

Miffylou · 07/08/2024 21:59

KimKardashiansLostEarring · 07/08/2024 21:54

Says the person who edited away a sneery, judgemental post 😂

As people have said, report your own post and MN will delete it, usually pretty instantly. You’re everso defensive, I was letting you know everyone could still see your original message as it seemed you thought that wasn’t the case.

Show quote history

Yes, I realised after I’d written it that it looked unpleasant, which was why I wanted to delete it.

But I don’t understand. How is it that other people can still see the original when I can’t?

KimKardashiansLostEarring · 07/08/2024 21:54

Miffylou · 07/08/2024 16:39

Because for some unknown reason MN don’t seem to have the option to delete your own message without contacting them and asking them to do it, which can take time.

If I’m wrong, please tell me how to do it. If I’m not, don’t you have anything better to do than sneer at other people?

Show quote history

Says the person who edited away a sneery, judgemental post 😂

As people have said, report your own post and MN will delete it, usually pretty instantly. You’re everso defensive, I was letting you know everyone could still see your original message as it seemed you thought that wasn’t the case.

Runnerinthenight · 07/08/2024 20:15

Miffylou · 07/08/2024 16:39

Because for some unknown reason MN don’t seem to have the option to delete your own message without contacting them and asking them to do it, which can take time.

If I’m wrong, please tell me how to do it. If I’m not, don’t you have anything better to do than sneer at other people?

Show quote history

You can report it.

LBFseBrom · 07/08/2024 19:55

I am glad you are working things out with your daughter, op, and wish you both well. She will come through this.

All the very best to you.

Miffylou · 07/08/2024 16:39

KimKardashiansLostEarring · 07/08/2024 10:27

Everyone can still see it though. Edit ≠ delete you know. Why do people think that?!?

Show quote history

Because for some unknown reason MN don’t seem to have the option to delete your own message without contacting them and asking them to do it, which can take time.

If I’m wrong, please tell me how to do it. If I’m not, don’t you have anything better to do than sneer at other people?

RampantIvy · 07/08/2024 13:57

Read the updates @Nipsmum

Nipsmum · 07/08/2024 13:55

My Father would have told me " my house, my rules.
You are not being asked you are being told.
When you have your own house you can do as you like and I won't tolerate you ruining everyone else's holiday
No questions.

PrincessOlga · 07/08/2024 12:21

It is interesting you mention a 17-year-old and going to Normandy, especially following the recent D-Day commemorations.

Polarnight · 07/08/2024 12:17

Read the updates 😁

Goodtogossip · 07/08/2024 12:15

Tell her she has to come with you however you don't expect her to join in with you all once she's there. She can stay in, watch TV or whatever she wants to do that she'd be doing at home if she stayed on her own. Don't have any expectations of her while you're away that way you'll not be disappointed & it won't spoil the holiday for the rest of you. Don't pander to her while you're there let her do her own thing & you might find she'll join in when she sees the rest of you enjoying yourselves.