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Original poster

Friend is fuming that I’m not going to her bottomless brunch

111 replies

pingupenguin1 · 05/08/2024 19:44

My friend is having a bottomless brunch in a few weeks time. It’s from 12pm until about 2.

I am really struggling with money at the moment, and she knows that. I’m also not drinking much alcohol at the moment - barely any.
It would be £45 for the brunch, which I just can’t justify, especially as I’m barely drinking! I’d just be paying for a sandwich essentially.

I told her this, and I said I’m really sorry. They are continuing in town afterwards, so I said I’d meet them out at 2pm so that I can still go and be part of it.

She initially didn’t reply and then told me she was fuming and that “she would pay anything to spend my birthday with me”.

Am I the bad friend here?

OP posts:
Timeturnerplease · 05/08/2024 20:48

God this kind of stuff is so childish. It’s not a 5th birthday party, your ‘friend’ is not the centre of everyone’s universe and adults have lives of their own that do not involve spending every spare moment with their friends.

This kind of thread appears on Mumsnet so often that it’s worrying how many grown adults there are out there having strops because the entire world is not stopping to celebrate their birthday/engagement/hen do.

OP, YANBU at all.

Wigtopia · 05/08/2024 20:41

Lifestooshort71 · 05/08/2024 19:47

I think it's OK to say you can't afford it (a lot of money for a couple of hours) but a bit cheeky to add that you're up for the fun bit later - perhaps she's got the hump about that as well?

Why is this cheeky? This is showing a willingness to celebrate the birthday, but lacks the cash to do the bottomless brunch.

MacaroniBeachMustique · 05/08/2024 20:41

pingupenguin1 · 05/08/2024 19:44

My friend is having a bottomless brunch in a few weeks time. It’s from 12pm until about 2.

I am really struggling with money at the moment, and she knows that. I’m also not drinking much alcohol at the moment - barely any.
It would be £45 for the brunch, which I just can’t justify, especially as I’m barely drinking! I’d just be paying for a sandwich essentially.

I told her this, and I said I’m really sorry. They are continuing in town afterwards, so I said I’d meet them out at 2pm so that I can still go and be part of it.

She initially didn’t reply and then told me she was fuming and that “she would pay anything to spend my birthday with me”.

Am I the bad friend here?

You really haven’t done anything wrong here at all. You definitely aren’t a bad friend!

Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 05/08/2024 20:38

Bouliegirl · 05/08/2024 19:58

Why does everyone have main character syndrome these days?

Ooh, is that what it's called 🤔
I know a few of them😂

cooroocoocoo · 05/08/2024 20:37

Possible compromise would be to join her at the restaurant but to order separately so you stay in control of your budget.

Easipeelerie · 05/08/2024 20:35

You can’t afford it. If she can’t understand that, she’s not a friend. Let her fume then drop her.

SaintHonoria · 05/08/2024 20:30

'she would pay anything to spend my birthday with me”.

Send her flight details for your next birthday meal in Australia.

You've given a perfectly good reason as to why you can't make it and she has acted entitled and unpleasant.

You didn't have to say you can't afford it, you can decline things without giving any excuse as to why.

Grmumpy · 05/08/2024 20:27

What is she..five years old!

Balloonhearts · 05/08/2024 20:27

"she would pay anything to spend my birthday with me”. Great, really kind of you to offer, see you then.

MooonDreamz · 05/08/2024 20:27

She's not a good friend

Demonhunter · 05/08/2024 20:26

I get you OP, I don't drink now as it messes with my chronic pain meds and I've turned down things like this before not only due to dietary restrictions but I'm not willing to pay over the odds for a couple of soft drinks.
If she was any kind of friend she would understand and just choose something more suited to you at a later date for a catch up and belated birthday celebration. You're not asking her to change the plans for you, just that you can't afford to partake in this particular activity.

autumn1610 · 05/08/2024 20:26

I’d see if they do an alcohol free version or if you can just have brunch without joining in the bottomless part. Quite a few places you don’t have to have the whole table taking part. I would do that rather than doing drinks after

Letsgotitans · 05/08/2024 20:24

Lifestooshort71 · 05/08/2024 19:47

I think it's OK to say you can't afford it (a lot of money for a couple of hours) but a bit cheeky to add that you're up for the fun bit later - perhaps she's got the hump about that as well?

I don't understand, you're acting like the bottomless brunch is a works event and the going out afterwards is the reward, is it not all meant to be fun? It's quite acceptable to say you can't afford the bottomless brunch but will join after, I think that makes he'd a very good friend, she is wanting to celebrate with her.

Demonhunter · 05/08/2024 20:21

Lifestooshort71 · 05/08/2024 19:47

I think it's OK to say you can't afford it (a lot of money for a couple of hours) but a bit cheeky to add that you're up for the fun bit later - perhaps she's got the hump about that as well?

It's not cheeky. She is willing to go out after, where drinking soft drinks would cost no where near £45 so it's a very reasonable compromise.

Sallyshome · 05/08/2024 20:20

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

WindsurfingDreams · 05/08/2024 20:11

Bottomless bunches are generally dire anyway. Yanbu she sounds very selfish

Proudbitch · 05/08/2024 20:11

Namechangeforthispost579 · 05/08/2024 20:10

Your friend sounds like a dick. Having said that I would have still gone and just paid for my food if I didn't want to drink.

But at bottomless brunches you can’t do that. Everyone has to be on the same deal.

Proudbitch · 05/08/2024 20:10

Lifestooshort71 · 05/08/2024 19:47

I think it's OK to say you can't afford it (a lot of money for a couple of hours) but a bit cheeky to add that you're up for the fun bit later - perhaps she's got the hump about that as well?

How is that cheeky? She hasn’t referred to the rest as the ‘fun’ bit. She just won’t have to spend £45 on a sandwich

Namechangeforthispost579 · 05/08/2024 20:10

Your friend sounds like a dick. Having said that I would have still gone and just paid for my food if I didn't want to drink.

Cherrysoup · 05/08/2024 20:06

That’s very moody of her. Bar weddings, I don’t think I’ve ever explicitly paid to spend time with friends. Haven’t done hens (bar one in my life, not really been asked to others) and friends don’t usually demand I spend money I don't have or get arsey if I say I can’t afford it.

wheretoyougonow · 05/08/2024 20:01

“she would pay anything to spend my birthday with me”.

Perfect. Ask her for £45 as an early birthday present to you and she can get what's she wants 😂😂
Seriously- no actual grown up acts like this. Not sure she is a friend.

Bouliegirl · 05/08/2024 19:58

Why does everyone have main character syndrome these days?

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 05/08/2024 19:56

£45 is crazy!!

Yanbu, your friend is not very nice.

CoastalCalm · 05/08/2024 19:54

I would check to see if the bottomless version is compulsory and go from there

Bertsmum22 · 05/08/2024 19:53

What you’ve said is fine but her reply means she’s a twat and not a good friend! Mug it off.