Friend is fuming that I’m not going to her bottomless brunch

I don’t understand! Surely the brunch is supposed to be fun, not something to suffer through to be allowed to join in later.
I have heard that the food is poor and limited at these bottomless brunches, and its just about as much cheap booze as you can drink. Even as a drinker I’d prefer a less pressured environment than to drink as much as possible in 2 hours just because! I don't think it would be worth it unless you aim to drink as much alcohol as possible, whether you have the money or not!

I've never been to a bottomless brunch and never want to. The idea of everyone trying to down as much cheap booze as possible in 2 hours and having a bit of crappy food isn't my idea of a good time at all. You're absolutely not being a bad friend by not going. If she was a good friend she'd understand and maybe suggest a nice lunch for the two of you another time!

I'd refuse. £45 stupid money

45 pounds for a glorified brunch and cheap drink is stupid, if people have that much to waste they are fools. she obviously is very immature , if she wants you there and knows you cant afford it let her pay , I would if It was a freind who was struggling I would pay and not embarrass them.

This.

They must have to do a non-alcoholic alternative for those who can't/don't drink. I'm pretty much teetotal and an introvert and would rather do the meal part than hanging around for an indeterminate length of time afterwards.

I don't know where you live but I went to one recently as a none drinker at Quebana (not sure if it's a chain) and they allowed me as a none drinker to order off the normal menu. I wouldn't be paying £45 for anything unless I'm actually benefiting and a true friend would understand that and not put pressure on you x

YANBU - what’s wrong with her?

Maybe she had to make minimum numbers for the booking or perhaps others have also declined due to the cost and she projected her annoyance onto you.

She should grow up.

I'd probably reply, very briefly with good wishes for her birthday and then leave it. I don't think I'd be too bothered after getting her text.

Unless it's very out of character for her in which case I'd give her a bit of space and then talk it over once the dust had settled.

Surely if she's hosting a lunch for friends wherever that may be, she's paying?

How olds your friend 12? Not sure what it is with women and their birthday celebrations but they need to grow up.

Not the point of the thread, but I wouldn't worry about not drinking OP, the drinks tend to be like pisswater at these things🤣.
I don't think you are being unreasonable one bit. Don't do anything you don't want to do.

She’s a tit.
I’ll bet you anything you’ll be ‘tested’ again at some point and fail….ditch her now to save you the pain. You can’t win with these idiots and the freedom is incredible.

I'd take her response as her offering to pay:

"Thank you so much DF but I wouldn't feel comfortable with you paying for me to attend - no matter that you would pay anything for us to spend your birthday together. Let's keep it that I meet you after the brunch and I'll get you some drinks in town."

Do adults actually behave like this?

What is it with people & birthdays? Unless you are a child, a birthday is a big, fat whoopee Doo basil. It doesn't give you permission to act like a dick

I think your friend is rather selfish expecting you to cough up money you can’t afford just because it’s her birthday. With that attitude, I’d be inclined to quietly drop her.

Luckily I don’t drink so will cheerfully decline anything like this with no fucks given.

@Sugarlily

Presumably your friend prefers to choose how to spend her own money?
I have a friend whose company I enjoy enormously and we share a hobby too. However, I’ve said I’m skint before when I didn’t want to offend her rather than telling her the truth that I have no interest in going to see bands, or drinking in pubs etc.

If the friend is saying they’re skint in order to get someone else to subsidise them, then that’s pure cheeky fuckery.

Bottomless brunches that don't give you unlimited food (so nearly all of them) are a waste of money IMO, I'd much rather go to an all you can eat buffet and buy myself a bottle of wine.

I've done that before?

I mean if that's the case then tell her she's welcome to pay for you.

First of all, who has a BB at 12 with the intention of ‘going out’ after? To where? I’ve been to ‘late’ ones and even then had to wind down for an hour or so before the evening crowd gets as caught up on drink as you are. The food is usually ok, but not £45 ok - that’s more than twice what you’d spend on a large takeaway and the most you’d get there is filler food! Your friend has completely unreasonable expectations, that’s a ridiculous sum to pay for nibbles and sipping on one glass of something…

Your friend has serious main character energy and needs to get over herself.

Friends don't choose £45per-head activities for their birthday celebrations unless (a) all their friends are wealthy with no money worries or (b) they (the birthday person) are paying for everyone.

£45 is beyond budget for a lot of people and it's shittu being a non-drinker at a "bottomless" thing like being someone trying to eat minimally at an "all you can eat" thing.

She's being a bad friend. You aren't.

But if she would genuinely "pay anything to spend your birthday with you" then she can pay the £45 for you to spend her birthday with her, and she can spend your birthday with you doing something cheap/free that you can afford, and then you are effectively even.

Yeah there is usually a non-alcoholic option (which costs less money)

I guess it depends on what you’re struggling for money means. I have a friend who constantly moans about struggling but then I find out she has a ton of savings and goes on fancy holidays…..

YANBU.

It's fine if your DF, or anyone for that matter wants to spend £45 or however much on a bottomless brunch or any outing but there's no way they should just assume that their friends can or would even want to follow suit.