Friend is fuming that I’m not going to her bottomless brunch

The words 'friend' and 'fuming' in the same sentence should be reserved for extreme occasions such as husband theft. This sort of situation screams 'drama queen' to me!

YANBU. Does she need you to go for the brunch to make up the numbers, eg it's £45 a head but only if you bring 8 people and you would be the 8th person? Otherwise, I can't see why she's this bothered about you skipping the brunch showing up for afternoon drinks.

You did the right thing
Always live within your means if you can.

Nothing cheeky about offering a compromise and meeting later either. She can take it or leave it. She's an adult and as a friend she should understand not everyone is in the same financial position and even if they are everyone has a choice on what they would prefer to spend their money on.

£45 on a sandwhich for a birthday is silly

I was very disappointed as when I heard about bottomless brunches I thought the food was unlimited. But I believe you just pick one breakfast item and it's the alcohol only that is bottomless.

Wtf is a bottomless brunch? I've not lived in the U.K. since they became a thing, but I thought the food part would include more than a sandwich! Is it basically just two hours to neck as much booze as you can? A bottle of wine is going to take you more than two hours to drink so surely this a a false economy if you only get a sandwich with it??

Perfect.

No, you are not a bad friend. She is. She is being manipulative and utterly selfish. If she would "pay anything" to spend your birthday with you, then she should pay for you. That's what a friend would do. What a cow.

Check to see if the place just offers food and get a soft drink and you can go home when you want.

Please share where! I'm desperate for one of those!

I want to do a bottomless brunch where the pancakes, bacon and smoked salmon are bottomless. Not the watered down fizzy wine!

I don't drink alcohol anymore and I find it depressing that these are even a thing. They are usually not good value once you realise how infrequently they refill your glass and the food is actually limited. You are decidedly NBU.

What do you mean by the fun bit? Isn't the brunch the fun bit?

Offering to come later is perfectly reasonable. It's just attending one activity instead of both.

Surely 12-2 is lunch?

@pingupenguin1

Your so called friend is being a massive childish twat! I'd not even bother joining later if that's her attitude. Time to bin her.

she would pay anything to spend my birthday with me”. What utter rubbish. So she would pay for a trip to the beach in Antigua for your birthday? Or similar.

I think expecting someone to pay £45 for a sandwich is similar to that but n principle. I also think expecting someone to attend what is basically a booze up when they aren’t drinking is unreasonable. Being the only sober person in a crowd of drunks can be very tedious

A friend of mine did this for her 30th. She expected me to pay for flights and two nights out plus all of the other costs of being away. Her reasoning was that we wouldn't have to pay for accommodation as we could all stay with her family. I couldn't justify spending that amount and was made to feel bad for it by her and the rest of our friends. Every now and then she has made comments since but she stopped once I attended another similar activity a couple of years later. As far as I was concerned I was managing my money and that was more important.

"She would pay anything to spend my birthday with me”

Really?

So your friend has created this emphasis on the absolute imperative of friends being with their friends on their 'special day' regardless of anything else.

If you think about it, at best, it's quite a thoughtless pronouncement; one where all the expectation is on you to do your bit and prove just how good a friend you are. In a way, she's being very generous with your money and all for whose benefit? Some might say shades of emotional blackmail.

You wouldn't be posting on here if she'd changed ONE small word:

"I would pay anything to spend MY birthday with you ”

If you were to let her know you couldn't afford it/justify the expense at this time would she immediately respond with something like, "I appreciate money's a bit tight at the moment but I'd really like you to be there. Will you allow me to cover the cost? It'd be my pleasure!" Or, if she couldn't afford to do that, perhaps come up with a change of plan. Opt for something more affordable?

A birthday may be cause for celebration but I reckon it's not more important than generosity of spirit or genuine friendship.

(Sermon over.)

I assume judging by the comments we don’t live in a society anymore where you pay to host your own birthday party.

I find it incredibly crass when somebody invites me to their birthday celebration and expects me to pay for it, a long with a present, money spent on travel etc. if I’m asked to chip in I will always decline.

brave of you - offering to meet up with a rowdy bunch off their heads on cheap prosecco.
I'd have offered to meet her for a coffee on a different day.

Maybe the day after - she'll be on black coffee not expensive lattes or cappuccinos😂

You are definitely not the unreasonable friend here! My friend group regularly does bottomless brunches and we love them but would never react like that if someone couldn’t make it - in fact I’ve missed two this year because I’m pregnant and I’ve joined after for mocktails. Sorry your friend is such a twat!

when you do bottomless brunch usually there’s a non alcohol version and is usually cheaper

You're not a bad friend but she bloody well is!

Didn’t think they served alcohol at children’s parties.

How childish of her! Don’t feel bullied