Friend is fuming that I’m not going to her bottomless brunch

Wait a minute. I thought SHE was having the "bottomless brunch"? So why has everyone else to pay for it? To me, that's like inviting friends for dinner and expecting them to pay a share. Not on!

So she's 'fuming' is she, because you haven't got £45 to drop on an event you don't want to go to anyway? Well that's too bad, isn't it? Let her fume away. We don't get to tell our friends what they need to spend their money on. We invite them and then it's up to them. I couldn't do with a friend who dictated to me and punished me for not having much cash. No doubt she will get over it as fumers often do, but tbh if she doesn't you haven't lost much.

I think it's fine not to go, I probably wouldn't either. It's a lot of money to waste if you're not making use of it. If people want to have birthdays with a set price like that, they should expect some people not to go.

No she is an insensitive ah! If she knows you can’t afford it maybe she should offer to chip in! Or I would just say sorry I won’t be there I’m skint and you know that! When I can afford it we can do something together. If she kicks off then tbh I would just start stepping back from this friendship.

I recently said to a friend I was broke, she thought I meant I had not much money. I meant I had nothing at all. It's hard for people who earn okay money to understand you being at your OD limit on the third of the month for various unforeseen reasons...

When my friend realised I meant zero available she was like ohhhh sorry...and we sorted something out. She's been there before herself.

If your friend is being arsey while realising just how broke you are, that's crap. Otherwise she might just not quite get it. £45 to me is haha no chance, I'd prefer to get some food this month thankyouverymuch. To her it might just be a normal thing to spend going out.

Might be a misunderstanding, or she might be being a diva.

I think its awful your friend is guilt tripping you and if you cannot afford it you cannot afford it simple, you should NOT have to even explain yourself if she is your "friend" she should get it .

I have been in this situation as the one whose birthday it was, and I offered to pay for my friend to come. He refused, and I talked him into it saying that when he makes his million he has to remember me:)

Maybe your friend is not in a position to pay for you. In this case, unless you are very close, it would be acceptable to meet after the event.

If you have known each other since kids and, up until recently, have been her drinking buddy, then she will find it hard to accept your change in lifestyle as an excuse for not going.

I truly don't understand your friend's attitude. Not very friendly at all! More It's All About Me.
You sound like a lovely person, caring and thoughtful.
Her behaviour says so much more about her personality than yours. Her being upset is not your fault.

Yanbu, she is. Normally you are not supposed to pay in order to celebrate a friend. It's weird. If she cant afford inviting people she could just have coffee and cake at home with friends. Or ask people ro bring dishes to a brunch as her birthday present. But she sounds entitled and lacks compassion, who needs a friend like that?

This!

Most bottomless brunches I have been to are a rip off. They’re slow with the drinks which are usually watered down, cheap cocktails. Your friend sounds like a teenager. Proper drama queen.

If she’s not happy with you meeting them afterwards then just don’t bother with this person anymore.

Speak to the restaurant as they may offer a cheaper alternative. Some religions don’t drink but would still go and celebrate.

tell your friend that you are struggling right now as a good friend would want to help

She needs to grow up

How dare you ruin her Instagram perfect birthday!!

This. Good compromise.

All the bottomless brunches I’ve been on has always been good value for money!
it usually involves having a cocktail every half hour and a decent meal
so even if you were to go and have food and a couple of drinks, you won’t be looking at spending much less, soft drinks are around the same price as alcohol in most places where I live

Why is it?

This ''friend'' sounds like she should put away her play dough and grow up! She knows you can't really afford a whopping £45.00 for basically just a sandwich and she knows you hardly drink, you can still have a good time on soft drinks!

All that just for 2 hours? Nope! I wouldn't bother going at all!

I am sorry I wouldn't have friends? Like that.
If you can't or don't want to go, you need to think about that friendship.
Don't be bullied by a so called friend.

Why? Why are you separating the two events as fun/not fun? OP clearly means she can just more easily control her spends during a pub crawl of bopping rounds the shops or whatever.

And rather cheap nasty alcohol that would make you very sick if you tried to actually consume your money's worth.

Tell her to pay for you, if she wants you to go that much.

Not much of a friend.
I would not waste my precious leisure time showing up after lunch.

You are definitely not being unreasonable. She is being a selfish so called friend.

I wouldn't be going to either, and wouldn't be inviting her to any plans you have for your own birthday.