My silly comment blew up wider family now dh miserable

Few theatrical offended on here as per.

Op, imo you did nothing wrong. At worst, clumsy. I would stop pandering to SIL too.

It's certainly not Standard English or grammatically correct.

I think it's both isn't it?

The same could be said about OP and her issue with SIL not having strawberries at her house and with how her dn views her own Britishness.

Aren't you a bundle of fecking joy? I've never heard of it & thought it was a typo/ someone may give it context. It's certainly not Standard English or grammatically correct. Bloody thread police.

As you were, all.

Initially you said If she has a British passport, she is British.
Now you have concurred if they hold British passports, they are British as well.

Your two sentences are saying two different things.

This is an example of how easy it is to state something that can be interpreted as offensive to the recipient.

How ridiculous this thread is, and of course posters are all falling over themselves claiming that they gasped.

I'm mixed race and would not care about something so inane. Life must be very boring and miserable going around being offended at every single sentence that you analyse over a microscope. So, so dreary.

It's very easy to tell who has bad intentions behind things, and people who don't. OP did not.

I would just apologise and say you meant it as a joke and dn likes british things but didn't want to try the pudding, you realise you put your foot in your mouth but it wasn't meant with any malice.

Without knowing all the nationalities involved, it is perfectly possible that the cultures in play are just clashing. What’s polite in one is rude in another. If this has been ongoing for a few years, there will be history that can’t all be put on OP’s post.

Unless both people involved are willing to understand each others cultures then insult will be found..

My Fil was from a different culture - and mostly they were fabulous. But there were times when their cultural expectations did not match mine and it was tricky to find a way through. Difference being we both wanted to. I’m not sure the SIL in OP’s case does. OP sounds as though she is trying - even if not always being perfect.

Op hasn't apologised!

I really think the OP's family have over reacted hugely and are being very over sensitive. I don't see any news for an apology.

Your SIL is having a rough time in the USA which is awful for her. I'd apologize.

It wasn’t necessary. It was designed to make her niece feel crap.

Fuss over nothing. You made a thoughtless comment and apologised. Everyone needs to move on.

Well, that's fine then. If they feel that strongly about it, I'm not entirely sure why they would bother holding on to British passports, but it's totally their choice as to how they describe themselves, as I stated in my post above.

It still doesn't change the fact that, technically, if they hold British passports, they are British as well. Of course I wouldn't be idiot enough to make a point of telling them that if they didn't want to identify in that way, but it doesn't change the facts.

Allwelcome, It’s pretty obvious to me that you had no deliberate intent to offend or be racist, on the contrary it sounds like it was simply a tongue in cheek remark which was meant to be amusing and has been blown out of all proportion by others. It seems we have to watch what we say around anyone these days for fear of offending, which you’ve mentioned already in saying ‘being 100% careful all the time not to offend’. How uncomfortable for you, treading on eggshells invariably causes one to say the ‘wrong thing’.
People need to start being comfortable in there own skin (and incidentally that’s a term of phrase before anyone starts the racism rant again, it does not refer to skin colour) and stop looking to be offended.
I would apologise that she found your comment offensive, but I would take no responsibility for the racism label when clearly you were not being racist, then simply move on and leave them to it because it’s been blown out of all proportion.

She has been raised by a British parent. She is British; op said something very offensive to her.

There's always one looking to be offended.🙄

This comes up with mixed race kids a lot. They are made to feel like they are half X or Y, and not quite X or Y. Literature I have read suggests it's much better to call children both X and Y. So, for example, you are English and Korean rather than you are half English and half Korean, or in other words you are a full accepted individual and not an incomplete English person or Korean person somehow deficient and an outsider.

Apologize from the bottom of your heart, reinforce the childs identity as English, and keep this in mind in future.

Agree.

Considering she has brought it up and her SIL refusing strawberries as a reason she is upset with SIL, clarification is necessary and even then if OP is British, she has her own personal view of what is British and is seemingly using it against her dn.

I still don’t see why she thought it was necessary to even make a comment to her dn and bringing nationality into it.

Have you heard of Google, by any chance?

... And has a British father, British grandparents, British cousins, aunts, uncles. Half her entire family is British including the man who is raising her, one of the closest people in the world to her.

It's not like she randomly has the citizenship due to some fluke. It's half of where she came from. The passport is hardly the important part.

Even if you want to say 'half British' you must see that she has a very intimate personal connection to the UK. She's not faking Britishness.

There's obviously a culture class about the refusing food.

Why do you think that they should do it your way Op & take food that they don't want?

Good lord...you acted like a proper twat.

No they would categorically say they were not British. They hold Irish passports and are technically Irish (as well as identifying as Irish).

I hope the apology goes well.