Grandparents & carseats

It's the law, not just preference.

Do you have a group family chat? If so, find some terrifying clips or interviews with A&E surgeons on the consequences of not using them. I'd say, "I know I might sound like I'm an over protective mum, but once you've seen these, I'm not risking anything." If you're met with the "well back in our day....." you just say well our children, our rules. Absolutely not worth the risk x

It really aggravates me that the generation do that. My in laws are the same try to make me feel stupid for stating the facts that they need them and safety etc. once saw my MIL front face a baby carrier I nearly dropped to the floor.
only advice stand your ground I always do

Refuse this.

If she persists about the car seats, ask her what part of "It's illegal because it's extremely dangerous" she doesn't understand.

Be careful about quoting "the law" to DGP as unexpected short journeys are allowed without a car seat in the eyes of the law. They might look it up and not bother with seats at all, even if you buy them some.

This - my MIL and FIL were in their 60s when my DD was born and took the attitude that their three DC had been fine without car seats, eating whole grapes at 7 months old, rolling around the floor with large boisterous dogs before they could walk. I had to stick to my guns.

I agree - my MIL and FIL shouted at me that I was being silly when I had to take my week-old DD back to hospital and said she’d be fine on Grandma’s knee. That was a NO from me. It’s the law for a reason.

7 & 4 is old enough for your kids to insist on car seats. My 4yo would refuse to sit I a car without his seat. When he asks why he needs them I've always said because I love you and want to keep you safe.

If MIL tried to get them in the car and the kids said "we need seats to keep us safe" surely she'd not turn round and so no?

If you can't trust her at all then you shouldn't be sending your kids. Equally you should trust your husband loves your kids enough to insist on installing the car seats in her car.

My parents drove us around with no seatbelts. It was the 70s/80s so not uncommon I guess. I caught my father using a booster seat positioned behind the child's back rather than sitting him on it. Bizarre. With your MIL unfortunately you'll need to tackle her as she LL probably ignore your DH in any case. Otherwise she doesn't get the kids.

Best make sure to teach your children that they never get in a car without a car seat until you say it's ok and that includes nanny and grandad.
Build their confidence up to be able to say no to anyone that compromises their safety.

Have just became grandparents in January this year! I have the same carseat in my car as my daughter has in hers, baby is rear facing and I can swivel seat to face me to take her out!
As a matter of fact I was offered a car seat which was pre used and I said no, I would only use from new as I couldnt be 100% sure it wasnt in an accident!
Stick to ur guns car safety is paramount!

She is of a different generation. She's probably thinking "sure how did I rear mine back in the day". They don't understand that roads are so much more dangerous than they were 30 / 40 years ago, and that serious car accidents are much more common. My MIL has a carseat but refuses to use it rear facing.... "sure they can't see out the window rear facing" 🙄 stand firm! And get DH on board too!

It’s the law that they have to be in some type of car seat. Until certain height or weight. Can’t remember. I had a very tall kid and had to keep moving him out of car seats I didn’t want to because his head reached the top. Meant we struggled to go anywhere as he wasn’t able to hold own head up properly.
it’s a non negotiable for you and if you don’t trust them then no driving anywhere with kids

I completely agree with you @Sprogonthetyne 👍🏻 Asking once could be just her getting the most up to date info from you. Asking again and again is just pushing it. My DC wouldn’t be left there alone if I could t trust them.

My MIL and my FIL & SMIL are incredibly opinionated on child safety. MIL constantly ridicules me for having DS (3.5) rear facing. He should be on a booster seat in the front so he can see the world apparently. I’m also ridiculed by them all for cutting grapes/not allowing popcorn/not leaving my 3.5 year old unattended in the bath/not leaving him unattended in a completely unenclosed garden next to a busy road 🙄🙄

None of them do have or will have unsupervised contact with my child.

Your DH needs to step up here too. MIL shouldn’t be asking multiple times without him shutting her down! He needs to stand up to her.

I wouldn't leave them without putting the seats in. It's easy to frame it as making sure they are correctly installed. You can say they are a bit tricky.

However, if you don't trust her with safety in general then I wouldn't want to leave the children overnight. Although they are old enough to tell you things at least. My 5 year old would definitely say if she'd been allowed to go in a car without a car seat!

I wouldn’t let them have unsupervised access.

I'm not sure he would insist on actually putting them in the car

Well that's just ridiculous. When either yourself or your DH drops them, you install the car seats and that's that. Issue resolved.

If you don't trust them then that's that i'm afraid. Like in a marriage. There's no rebuilding trust in my book.

You'll never trust them to tell the truth that they will/did use the car seats if you yourself or husband aren't there to witness/enforce it.

How you deal with that is a) never leave the kids with them, b) tell them straight you don't want them taking the kids out. Or both.

If anyone announced that about my children and car safery they would be reduced to supervised contact.
Game over.

So tell your husband to always make sure he puts the seats in their car if he is ever in that specific scenario.

Have you and or your DH tried sitting down with her and talking about how incredibly serious it is?

Give her one chance to grasp what current regs are before you bring down the shutters. Maybe your BIL & SIL aren't so strict in following the rules and she doesn't realise what the current law actually is?