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AIBU?

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Original poster

..to unfriend a friend for not paying up?

69 replies

Sinderalla · 05/08/2024 16:10

This is a long story but to cut it short.... in my opinion there are two kinds of people in this life, givers & takers
I'm a giver, I get more satisfaction from giving than receiving.
However, I let myself get used. Despite the warnings from several other friends, I guess I felt sorry for her.

Anyway, booked a holiday, an agreement was made that everyone would pay what they owe no matter the circumstances, if for any chance someone couldn't go they still had to pay what they owed.
That said, the one person money had to be chased off relentlessly is the one that can't go due to childcare, She owes over a hundred pounds, which she's promised to pay numerous times and the date came and went and she didn't pay.
I've messaged today asking for it, if she doesn't pay it the other passengers and myself will have to.
AIBU to go my separate ways from her?

OP posts:
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EmeraldA129 · 07/08/2024 11:19

Sinderalla · 05/08/2024 16:28

I've known her for over 15 years 😭

Show quote history

Definitely time to step away op.

californiaisdreaming · 06/08/2024 19:37

That's sad that she took all that chasing and so it feels like she's using you.

To avoid the awkwardness of having to drop her as a friend altogether and a change to the group dynamic, just stop messaging her individually and in a group situation be polite and pleasant as if nothing has changed.

Then never agree to be lead on a holiday booking ever again.

NeedToChangeName · 06/08/2024 19:27

That's great she paid, but for future reference, the holiday company may say the price is "per person" but that'll be based on eg 4 people sharing an apartment, taking up seats on the plane etc. So, if one person drops out, those costs still requires to be paid

PracticalLady · 06/08/2024 18:22

I just wonder, if you do decide to cut her off how would that go down with the rest of the group? Do they feel the same or would she continue to be part of the group and make it awkward for you?
Personally I think she should pay up, she agreed to do that, so she has an obligation.

MissTrip82 · 06/08/2024 10:47

Of course she needs to pay.

I find your idea that people are either givers or takers absolutely bizarre however. What unpleasant people you must be meeting.

Lurkingandlearning · 06/08/2024 10:34

Maria1979 · 05/08/2024 16:16

Ofcourse she should pay. That being said I always try to avoid these situations by collecting money before making bookings if I dont know the people well.

I think that is very sensible but I would also expect the people I did know well to pay before booking.

One person booking for friends is a great convenience for everyone else and ensures they are kept in a group for travel, seats, rooms. It can be time consuming and their friends should be grateful for that and not expect them to effectively lend them money too.

Sorry OP, I know that’s a bit too late for you this time but if you ever feel kind enough to organise something in the future keep these posts in mind.

I hope she does the right thing and pays you what she owes you.

Leanmeansmitingmachine · 05/08/2024 22:52

If @gardenroombeauty wasn’t the banned maniac from yesterday @headpillowhit who laid into OPs across multiple threads, I’ll eat my shoes. 😂

Greyrockin · 05/08/2024 19:12

Glad the troll has been rumbled. Enjoy your holiday OP!

gardenroombeauty · 05/08/2024 18:55

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gardenroombeauty · 05/08/2024 18:53

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gardenroombeauty · 05/08/2024 18:51

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LBFseBrom · 05/08/2024 18:49

I think she will pay you, at the moment she is strapped for cash and avoiding you but will pay up.

crockofshite · 05/08/2024 18:35

delighted to hear she has paid up.

If I'm arranging for other people I only ever book for those who have already paid up - giving plenty of notice - so if I don't have the money in advance I don't book for people who still owe.

viques · 05/08/2024 18:13

It sounds as though the friend has previous form for being flakey about paying and commitments. Knowing that you should all have got the money out of her hot little hand before booking.

leopards don’t change their spots, and flakey friends don’t change their ways.

Original poster
Sinderalla · 05/08/2024 17:56

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@gardenroombeauty
I'm lead on the holiday, I know exactly what everyone has paid.
I've been conscious not to disclose many details.
Which is why it's vague, however. You have as much info as you need to answer the original question.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sinderalla · 05/08/2024 17:53

RawBloomers · 05/08/2024 17:38

Jesus! All the trying to pick on OP’s holiday plans. WTF?

OP - Agree with others that checking whether her spot can be canceled without putting more costs on the rest of the group would be the most appropriate first step.

But generally, if someone doesn’t pay you back money you’ve had to pay out because they had promised to pay then didn’t, of course it’s not unreasonable to no longer consider them a friend. But it’s also fine to do so simply because you realise they’ve been treating you badly for years. You don’t have to have a line in the sand.

It’s worth asking yourself what has kept you friends for that length of time? Will those factors still be around? And how can you extricate yourself from them so that you have more freedom to better choose who you are friends with without putting up with years of bad treatment?

I think Pitty kept us friends.
I feel sorry for her. I think she's a good person but not possessing many friend qualities.
I'm sad that I think this is the end of the friendship

OP posts:
Original poster
Sinderalla · 05/08/2024 17:51

Thanks so much everyone.
Easy jet charge the price of the holiday as cancellation fee.

She paid the money.

I feel so sorry for her, again.
😭😭😭😭

OP posts:
DaniMontyRae · 05/08/2024 17:49

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Perhaps you should explain why you think it's relevant to know how much she's already paid? Seeing as you're the only one who thinks it matters. The friend owes the £100 whether she's already paid £200 or £2000.

IncompleteSenten · 05/08/2024 17:48

yes she should pay, that's not in question.
Sadly, what people should do is often not what they actually do and all the shoulds in the world won't make her pay up.
Small claims court might, if you can prove she owes it.

Silvers11 · 05/08/2024 17:39

@Sinderalla So it's not clear - but has the whole package holiday now been paid for and the friend still owes £100? If so, perhaps it would be helpful to contact the Travel Agent who you booked through and see if any refund can be given for one person, or whether that would affect any of the rest of you? If you can and it doesn't affect anyone else then go for that.

If not, then no, I wouldn't cut her off until she pays you the balance of the cash. You've said she has never NOT paid before, so I would at least wait until you have the £100. What you do after that is up to you and how you feel about the relationship over all. 15 years is a long time to have to deal with someone like her, but only you can say how you want to deal with it. IMO - either staying friends or not would be reasonable, depending on your own feelings about the matter

RawBloomers · 05/08/2024 17:38

Jesus! All the trying to pick on OP’s holiday plans. WTF?

OP - Agree with others that checking whether her spot can be canceled without putting more costs on the rest of the group would be the most appropriate first step.

But generally, if someone doesn’t pay you back money you’ve had to pay out because they had promised to pay then didn’t, of course it’s not unreasonable to no longer consider them a friend. But it’s also fine to do so simply because you realise they’ve been treating you badly for years. You don’t have to have a line in the sand.

It’s worth asking yourself what has kept you friends for that length of time? Will those factors still be around? And how can you extricate yourself from them so that you have more freedom to better choose who you are friends with without putting up with years of bad treatment?

YourMumDressesYouFunny · 05/08/2024 17:29

AquaFurball · 05/08/2024 17:24

What are the cancellation T&Cs? If the prices were per person then surely you should be able to cancel one person and not need to pay for them not going.

Things happen that people cancel holidays, you've a month to go it's not like a last minute thing that you use holiday insurance cover.

This.

It would be better to check with the travel agent before repeatedly demanding the final outstanding amount, she may only have to lose the deposit and this could just be a lot of needless stress and drama.