Sister is having fals3 memories...

Is she not just making up stuff for something to say and then trying to cover for herself? Some people are just compulsive bullshitters. That seems more likely.

MIL and DH can be very like this - I think it's poor episodic memory - they literally don't remember stuff - and then some brain making up gaps - self aggrandisement and story telling ie adding details to be a better anecdote and later forgetting they've done it (FIL does that with his main stories but generally isn't like this).

MIL and her brother - my DC great Uncle both have issue with just saying I don't know - and bull shitting answers - use to annoy me when kids were little and being told incorrect facts but they'd insist they were right till you got proof.

It can be annoying - you can look petty correcting but if you don't it can bite you in the arse later.

DH got fact checked on one of my families stories - always a % bullshit - he also made a lot more up apparently unaware- got fact checked and then blamed me - and started fact checking my every utterance - to point he wrote in to a magazine to fact check a random fact I'd said in passing - saw an entire page of people saying yes your wife is correct and here's why. That really upset me for a long time.

I think also stories/narratives can develop in groups - DD1 spent more time with IL this year than us they're near her Uni - and came back and said something to her siblings that suggested I cared about what she wore - they were amused and wtf are you on about Mun doesn't care -seems MIL - who used to buy entre outfits for the kids and try and insist they only got wore together as she planned - which we ignored got overruled by FIL and DD about clothes they bought her pre ripped clothes etc which MIL hates - and suddenly the story was it was me with the issue.

My sister does this and she has adhd/autism. She has a lot of false memories

I am having this with my brother. It started a few years ago when he told me that he used to do all the washing up when we lived at home. Problem is he never lifted a finger and my mum was very particular about how the washing up was done and wouldn’t have allowed him (it’s something that she passed on to me, which means no one else helps me wash up). He also said that he used to help my parents decorate the house. My other brother is a painter and decorater, and used to do it. There have been many instances of these false memories and the rest of us laugh them off but I’m wondering now if we should be more concerned about him.

All these example are making me wonder about alternate realities, like The Devils Hour!

Ooh yes, that's my sister also-retelling something but from her pov & as if she was there!

I know someone who is a bit like this, she tells stories about other people’s business so often she thinks she was there. Because she wasn’t actually there she has a tendency to fill in the details from her imagination or to make the story more interesting (/sometimes taking elements from several stories and creating a new one). She eventually seems to believe herself and it becomes a false memory. It seems to be a combination of loneliness and a massive need for attention. It’s certainly annoying!

My sister has a tendency to this.

In her case I think it's because she doesn't care enough to listen.

She'll hear something then add other stuff to make it more interesting in the telling.

Or that it then involves her of she "just knew" that a certain thing would happen.

She rarely admits she is wrong so would swear to sending cards even if she hadn't.

I have ADHD too, only recently diagnosed with autism

My daughter has a lot of support around her and all the proffesionals say that the sort of behaviour that my DD is very common with ADHD and autism as their perception of things is so different to everyone elses

"Lying", adamant things have happened when they havnt ect, different memory to other people, all really common signs

Lack of sleep can cause this so can stress. My youngest was not a great sleeper for years - Talking maybe an hour or 3 every night up till the age of 5 and I swear I thought I had a stroke. I couldn't recall things properly or felt something happened when it didn't and forgot words like car, and house. etc ... I'm still not 100% and it's honestly awful. The worst of it is it doesn't show up in scans and stuff, you can't get medication for it and can allegedly (according to my doctor) lead to strokes and dementia when older .. yay fun! Not that I'm trying to say this will happen to your sister but you're obviously concerned.

Could you talk to her and explain that you are concerned and give her examples?

@ALittleAlarmed Thank you for posting this. I'm following as similar in immediate family, and I've been at a loss why and possible ways forward - I have some now.

It does sound potentially concerning, but I don't see what this

my friend who has epilepsy, and is on strong medication doesn't do any of this

has to do with anything.

If your sister doesn't have epilepsy and isn't on the same drugs it's no more relevant than the behaviour of your greengrocer who has hayfever, or your great uncle with gout. All medical conditions are different, all drugs have different side effects - you can't extrapolate from one to another.

I have a friend like that. Nothing to do with illness or conditions, it’s just the way she is. She just has a fertile imagination and her “daydreams” become her reality. She has been called out on it on various occasions but has never changed. We just accept it as part of her and call her out on it when it goes too far!

My mum seems to do this, usually talking about things that happened a few years ago, not really recent things. She will change certain things within the scenario, or add things onto the story that never happened. Not sure if she's just got an overactive imagination or something but she will often bring up things that happened that I was part of and totally change it and won't have it when I correct her.

Same (apart from the no-contact thing, which I'd welcome but it would upset my mum). It's nothing to do with false memories, it's just common-or-garden lies, which is obviously far more likely than false memory syndrome anyway.

I’d definitely find out if she is on any unusual medications and talk with other members of your family/ even suss it out with her to see if she ever finds she’s confused- there’s so many things it could be, could be as people say medication, tiredness etc But she also might be confused and something in her brain might be firing a bit wrong. Hope ye all get sorted, she’s lucky to have a sister like you on her side x

@ALittleAlarmed many many people tell lies for all sorts of reasons. I’d not automatically assume she had a mental health condition just because she tells lies.

My sister does this. I'm appreciating everyone's gentle suggestions but my sister's just a raging bullshitter, she's done it all her life. For want of a more detailed explanation, she likes to control every narrative even if she has to make one up.

She's recently gone no-contact with me which, after the initial hurt and shock, is quite a relief.

This sounds like confabulation. My DH does it. Adding details that aren't true, thinking something was said that absolutely wasn't. It's like his brain just decides to add detail, it's not deliberate lying, it's generally not malicious or an attempt to skew something in his favour, he believes something is a fact that just isn't! It's weird. If i point out to him "You are saying you were told XYZ, I was there, that isn't what was said, you've added stuff" He genuinely looks confused. I have to explain that to others it looks like lying or bullshitting and he needs to correct what's he's just put out there into the world and admit he is mistaken. He really believes what's coming out of his mouth. His brain somehow just adds things etc and he isnt even aware its a fiction.

"Confabulation

In psychology, confabulation is a memory error consisting of the production of fabricated, distorted, or misinterpreted memories about oneself or the world. It is generally associated with certain types of brain damage or a specific subset of dementias"

100% tell them to get it checked out, hopefully nothing to worry about but if it is something serious catching it early makes a difference

I have a cousin that tells lies all the time. From putting himself in stories that he wasn't in, to exaggerating and twisting past events, to more damaging gossip or saying somebody did or said something that they didn't. Weirdly, he's actually a really nice bloke that goes out of his way to help others. It catches people off guard at first, but once you've known him a while then you realise he has a complicated relationship with the truth.

I don't know why he does it. He had a traumatic event happen in early childhood, so I think that might have led to some sort of mental break with reality. I understand your hesitancy to label your sister as a liar, but people are complicated. They can be good in some ways but then lacking in others.

Your sister needs medical help. It may have been a personality trait thing that has predisposed her to an illness. Try to see it as an illness that needs help, even if you suspect that the relationship may become rocky for a while. Try to get others on board too so that when you question your own experience you have the experiences of others to bolster you. You are starting from a place of love and care. Undiagnosed dementia took my mum away too early, partly because it amplified some very difficult aspects of her personality, but left her sounding clear and sharp as a button when she felt under attack. Peri-menopause can have big effects on women's brains (our perception of the world at least)- really worth gently persuading your sister to get things checked out - and i hope you/ she finds a wise and kind doctor.