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AIBU?

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Holiday between death & funeral

55 replies

Lipstickonteeth · 04/08/2024 21:29

My elderly DF died just over 2 weeks ago (DM died years ago). Not entirely unexpected as had been ill for years but went downhill rapidly at the end. While sad, it was also something of a relief as he has had no quality of life for a long time. We had a longstanding holiday booked for 2 weeks after he died. Obviously I would not have gone had he not passed by the time we were due to go but as it was, we were able to arrange the funeral for a few days after we return, so flew out a couple of days ago. My siblings were happy for us to go, the arrangements have been made and I'm contactable should they need me. I also know DF would've wanted us to go. It's also unlikely insurance would've paid out had we cancelled as pre-existing illness.

Today, I was chatting to a friend on WhatsApp and she mentioned she had bumped into a woman we both know from the school run. Woman was apparently unimpressed I'd gone off on holiday so soon after my DF's death. While I'm friendly with her, she's not a close friend and she doesn't know DF, my family or the full circumstances of his illness & death. She would've learnt about the death and subsequent holiday from social media. My friend explained the circumstances above but they obviously made no difference as I see she's deleted me from social media!

While I don't really care what a virtual stranger thinks of me, I'm still upset at being judged and now worry how people I do care about might be judging me! I'm also wondering how to react to this woman when I next see her, likely not until September in the playground.

NB. my decision has not really delayed the funeral at all as they're typically at least 3 weeks after the death anyway round here.

OP posts:
toomanydiets · 04/08/2024 21:35

I also went away between death and funeral of my mum. Death was unexpected, holiday was pre booked and with very close friends who were happy to support me in my shell shocked state. Funeral couldn't have been sooner even if I'd cancelled and family was supportive of me going. It helped enormously. Without trying to be mean, fuck this virtual stranger and do you, we all cope our own way. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Twolittleloves · 04/08/2024 21:35

Some people will always judge, but you've not offended anyone who matters.
We had a holiday booked (center parcs and 45 mins away so abit different in that sense I guess, but still a holiday) afew weeks after my dad died, and it fell in between his death and the funeral.
A part of me did feel bad going, but DD was looking forward to it (she was 4 and not that close to my dad so to her life was still feeling fairly normal) and it cost fair bit of money which we wouldn't have got back, so we went and kept in touch every day with my mum, and I asked a friend to look in on her during the week.

It's not like your missing the funeral! That I would understand people thinking was not right, or if it was someone who was not 'elderly' so was more of a tragic death, with the additional heartache and shock that would bring.

courtyardofhope · 04/08/2024 21:34

Don't give her a single thought
I think it is a good way to pass this tricky time
I hope you are able to enjoy it
Lots of love to you

loobylou10 · 04/08/2024 21:31

Sorry for your loss Flowers. As for her - ignore. How dare she be such a judgy bitch. I'd never acknowledge her again.

billyt · 04/08/2024 21:30

I went on holiday between my mother dying and her funeral. Didn't give it a single thought that I wouldn't.

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