Holiday between death & funeral

Absolutely normal for funerals to be put off because family are on holiday, have important events booked etc. On the day, my mum died I went to the ballet with friends. It was preferable to spending the evening at home alone, her death wasn’t sudden or unexpected and my siblings urged me to go ahead.

Life goes on, your dad would undoubtedly wanted you to take the holiday and it’s chance for you to be together as a family and process things.

Also, it’s none of her business.

YA definitely not BU
Your friend who commented is of no significance. You also can’t control her thoughts but don’t dwell on it. You’ve done nothing wrong. I would have done exactly the same thing as you.
Have a wonderful holiday and remember your DF with fondness and a raised glass.

What does she want you to do? Be wrapped up in bed crying? She's angry you're not grieving in the way she thinks you should be .. absolutely baffling! People like this are just vile, vile individuals. So sorry for your loss

Just forget about the ridiculous woman. If she's already dropped you on SM it saves you doing so. When you have time I might ask your friend why she told you. She should have shut down the conversation and not passed on information that is only going to upset you.

My mum's funeral was halfway through our holiday. We moved our holiday cottage to 20 miles away and traveled back for it. Also meant I got nearly 4 weeks off work instead of 2.

My son went rowing in London the morning his dad died. He was 16. He was with really good friends and the school staff were amazing.

Well I must be a real shit as I've done it twice as both my parents (5 yrs apart) died at the beginning of the summer holidays. I went away 5 days after my dad died and it was what I needed and what he wanted.

My DF (still going, but frail) has a heart attack just over a decade ago, just before my brother and I were due to fly out to Thailand to visit a friend and have a holiday.

From ICU, he demanded we still go on holiday and promise to send elephant pictures. Though we did have plans to fly back/ call if things took a turn for the worst with our mum (though my dad would have grumbled had he known). It was very much his wishes that we still holiday.

If something similar happened now, which given his health is a possibility, he would be upset if we stopped a holiday - especially for our little kids who he adores, because of him.

YANBU. She does not know your family dynamic and it is quite rude to make assumptions about your DF's wishes without knowing him or you.

I went on holiday abroad and left DH behind when MIL died. To be honest there wasn't much I could do as DH is one of 4 siblings and between them they had everything covered. DH was insistent that I went and I made sure I called him regularly. I was only away for 3 days.

We went on holiday between death and funeral of DBIL, we had the opportunity and it was a welcome break. I have in the past arranged a relatives funeral later to allow other family members to attend after a holiday. Pay no attention to this person, some people are desperate for an opportunity to be offended by something. Hope you had a lovely holiday. I would ignore this woman when possible and just be civil. I'd also be a little wary of the 'friend' who was so keen to tell you of the upset.

Woman was apparently unimpressed I'd gone off on holiday so soon after my DF's death.

WTF does it have to do with her?

These people need to get a life and do their own thing instead of spending so much time gossiping in details about your life 😂

All the arrangements are planned, do whatever you want! Sorry for your loss, ignore the idiots.

We did the same OP, and whilst DH and the DC were off skiing, I was listening to hymns and planning the funeral. In touch with my brother constantly, who totally supported our decision. I suppose the important thing was that I know if I'd expressed any hesitation, the holiday would have been cancelled without question.

Sorry for your loss.

I'm sorry for your loss.

She sounds like a right dick. At least her deleting you has saved you a job. I'd ignore her and leave it.

You've done nothing wrong. Going on holiday hasn't affected anything. Whether you're at home or on holiday, you're grieving.

Your friend shouldn't have passed that on. There'll always be someone judging something that is absolutely nothing to do with them and isn't actually doing anyone any harm. If you had been an only child and your other elderly parent needed you, I could see her point. But as it stands there was no reason for you to cancel.

Agree with this. Your friend should not have told you this when you're just bereaved.
I'm sorry for your loss

Perfectly fine, in fact I would say it is a good thing to do, why sit at home basically waiting???

Years ago funerals were within the week, you spent the time making arrangements and often clearing property as rented needs to be handed over quickly. Now they are typically 4 weeks for a variety of reasons, so most people do carry on with life, often returning to work between the necessary paperwork.

Sorry for your loss 💐

You have absolutely no need to justify or explain anything to this woman. When you bump into her just smile say hello and move on. If she comments specifically just smile again and remark what a lovely funeral it was for your DF.

Your immediate family were supportive of you and your family taking your holiday, and based on what you say your DF would have been ok with this as well so nothing at all to feel guilty about or fret over. The funeral arrangements have been sorted and there is nothing else to do for the moment.

The holiday will also give you some time to process the inevitable complex feelings : it’s very sad to lose your DF but in reality sounds like it was a blessing and you can have some quality down time with your family. Be kind to yourself and take some quiet time while you are away. There will be plenty to organise and get sorted once the funeral has taken place.

YWNBU to go.

I wouldn't give her two minutes thought, and certainly wouldn't bring it up in September.

When you go on holiday is none of their business
They don't know what you've been through
They're not you

My son went on a long planned holiday between losing his dad and the funeral. He did ask but it was a 3 week wait in-between. It's a horrible time and I was glad he went - he even proposed to his girlfriend! ( he'd been planning it for months)
Tell people to mind their own business - and have a good time!

You did the right thing IMO. I'm not sure why your friend felt the need to tell you what judgy acquaintance said, that wasn't particularly nice really.

I went on holiday between my mum’s death and her funeral.
I checked with my brother that it was ok and he was adamant that I went.
He pointed out that mum would have been so mad with me if I’d cancelled and he was right.

I'm sorry for your loss OP and hope you have a restful holiday - you've got a lot to come back to probably so you'll need it.

Your friend shouldn't have told you this. There was absolutely no reason for her to repeat that to you - she's supposed to be consoling you and supporting you after the death of your father. Not shit-stirring.

It's a really difficult time between death and funeral, being elsewhere would not be a bad thing at all. I think it's a bit like weddings, people will judge regardless of facts and feelings.

If you cancelled your holiday it would not have changed a thing or achieved anything. Life goes on , the world turns . Im sorry for your loss OP.

I think in your friend's position I might not have passed this on. There's nothing you can do about it at the moment, try to put it out of your mind. I'm sorry for your loss.