Partner is having a serious mental breakdown and I don’t know what to do

It is common for sertraline to make you feel worse before you feel better, he needs to talk to his GP. I was given diazepam to help with panic attacks when I started on sertraline.

Will your son be starting school in September?

So sorry to hear your DH is going through this. You sound like a really supportive partner which is amazing but do make sure you look after yourself too. I know others have posted good advice so far but thought if maybe worth checking if you have a talk club near you, it's a men's mental health charity and they do weekly group meetings where men get together & talk although they can just listen to start with if they don't feel comfortable talking. May be try something like that?

talkclub.org

I felt bloody awful on my SSRI for at least a month. They rejig your brain chemicals and sometimes you feel much worse temporarily.

Trust your instincts if you think he’s in a MH crisis.

www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/crisis-services/getting-help-in-a-crisis/

My DD had a very bad experience of Sertraline, it works well for some but not everyone. If things don’t improve soon I’d suggest another visit to the GP, there may be a better drug for him.

You sound like a wonderful wife, I echo what other have said about the medication taking time and getting a gp referral but please please ask you husband if he has any thoughts or plans to harm himself.. if you don’t know how to put this or feeling awkward just say- I can see that you are struggling , I love you and am here for you , it’s important for me to know do you have any thoughts of hurting yourself or taking your life at the minute? … see what the response is and take from there reassuring that you are with him and will support him. If if says no, say please tell me if that changes and reassure him that you can hear the hard stuff ( easier said than done I know) . Hope you get a Gp appointment today and share with him that starting the medication can make him feel worse as maybe some insight to that will help him xx

You sound like a really wonderful wife, who is doing all the right things.

Try to give him time to go switch off and do something he enjoys. I.e listening to his favourite music, a movie, sporting activity, meeting/catching up with friends.

He may just be feeling the intensity of life on his shoulders and is having a hard time snapping out of it, which I think can happen when someone hasn't managed their anxiety very well over a period of time.

Something does just need to change though, so encouraging him to see doctors and also trying to change little things at home will hopefully, with time, help lift his spirits again.

Sending you both good wishes x

Also has your DH had a carer's assessment completed yet?

Andy's Man Club run weekly group sessions. They run all over the UK. Monday nights. See if your DH can go💪 hang in there. He is doing an incredible job being your DS's carer.

you say your young DC has autism, is it possible that your DH is autistic too? It’s so common for parents to be recognised and diagnosed after the children in the high functioning community, it may help you understand and plan forward

My initial thought exactly.
I think it's worth exploring

I know your thread is about your DP but how does your son present throughout the day? Caring for an autistic child can be overwhelming. Your DP might be worried about your son, worried about getting him into school, worried about his future...money worries. When my son was little I used to get extremely anxious about him - it was constant worry.

He definitely needs to see his gp/give his medication time to work.

But he also needs to do things for himself.

I really struggled with depression and it only started getting better when I got myself a little PT job (and the medication).

I truly think staying at home with a child and having no meaning in your life, is actually really difficult and can take a toll on your MH.

I would encourage him to join a gym or start running or even just walking (exercise and fresh air will also help) for 30 mins/1 hour a day.
Then eventually get a PT job which will give him something for himself but also allow you to drop a day or 2.

Both of you should try and socialise a couple of times a month with someone other than your child or each other too.

You are being a great support and you must be so worried. Neither of you are to blame here.

I agree with getting a GP appointment tomorrow. Also, contacting Samaritans - phone, email or webchat - could be useful for both of you. Another organisation which might help him is Andy's Man Club, if you have a group local to you.

Yes: get him to the GP.

I stopped then restarted sertraline myself after my mental health worsened. It did make me feel worse to start with and I thought it wasn't going to help but it did after a few weeks. Can you get in contact with the crisis team without going to A&E? If you call them and tell them you're worried they might offer to come and do a home visit.
when I had a mental health crisis I did go to A&E but then the crisis team saw me at home as regularly as I needed.
Also might be worth looking into if he's also autistic if your son is too, this could be adding to his stress

Hi OP,

I have two autistic young kids and I am the stay at home parent. I never intended to stop work but the children can’t cope with extended childcare and we have had issues with school so that’s where we are….it’s hard but easier as they grow, we grow our support in the neurodivergent community and also as we realise we are also probably autistic too!

Well done on the DLA. Hopefully you will be awarded and then if it’s HRC or MRC your DH will be eligible for carers allowance. Possibly you may be able to claim UC too - check out entitledto (the DLA affects how much you are entitled to). I mention all this as the financial stress has a big impact on my mental health and I was a bit clueless about all this.

I won’t repeat what others have said re GP and anti depressants as I’m not knowledgeable here.

But the episodes your husband has sound similar to how I have been. I think I have autistic meltdowns or shutdowns. I’m not diagnosed yet but I treat myself with more kindness and awareness now….so a soft play trip that’s gone well…the new me would recognise that I need quite time to myself afterwards. I focus a lot more on what I wear now making sure I feel comfortable in the hotter weather.

also as a “stay at home” parent carer I know how lonely it can be and I imagine that is so much worse if you’re male as it’s often the woman that ends up being the main carer. If there are any autism charities near you they may have support groups etc. finding people going through the same stuff is helpful.

you sound lovely OP and I’m sending loads of good wishes your way and to your family.

You may be able to.find a number for the crisis team in your area or ask GP for it.

Our crisis phonelines are open 24/7

OP call your crisis team and get their guidance.
With all respect GPs are not psychiatric experts. A psychiatrist or senior MH clinician will need to review the meds and / or assess your partner.

I have used sentraline in the past, and the first few weeks (can take up to 6), you can feel nauseous, tired, generally ill before it kicks in and then you begin to feel on a much better levelled playing field.

I also coupled this with therapy and was lucky enough to get this on the NHS. It's not a quick fix (took two years for me) but I felt so much better to cope with panic after. You might need to get this privately if you can as wait lists are ridiculous. But don't just rely on pills they take the edge off but they are by no means a cure x

I too have an autistic child with a global delay. And it's so incredibly challenging day to day. I can't remember the last time my husband and me had a date or time to ourselves. Thinking about it now even the strongest relationships need feeding! Rather than date night being out of the house, can't you make date night (even if it's once a fortnight) be a time where you go all out with food, cocktails, movie or what we did recently which worked was an escape room but in a box (the works does them). My therapist was suggesting that it's making time in the present focusing on the present rather than what's happened or what will happen is the key.

I know these things can't be the entire shift but small steps can lead to feeling brighter x also you mentioned he felt like this in the past... what did he do to help himself then?

I agree - starting Sertraline is horrendous. When I’ve done it I’ve just tried to hunker down somewhere quiet - bed mostly - for a while until I start lifting - hard to do I know with family but the benefits will outweigh this initial hell. What worked well for me for the two times I have restarted was to keep a diary of how I was feeling - just for those 2 weeks or so. So I could see the slow improvements happening.

I just saw in your message that he stopped taking sertraline. Does that mean he tapered off under the supervision of his doctor? Or do you mean he just abruptly stopped talking them on his own, and then restarted on his own? If it's the latter, no wonder he's feeling very unwell. You aren't supposed to mess about with those meds. My husband did, and it would bring on a crisis.

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Does he have any respite from childcare? Can you ask about Short Breaks from your local authority (you nerve to be awarded middle or high rate DLA first)

I've been on Sertraline for over 10 yrs, only 25mg but I used to be on 75mg. It takes some weeks to see results - I am 100% fine - but would never come off them as the alternative is so much worse. He needs to keep taking them and combine with therapy. And he needs to see someone sooner than later xox