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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask how you would react to this?

135 replies

itsoverisntit12 · 04/08/2024 16:05

Husband has barely spoken to me all weekend. It's a constant circle of me having to try and make conversation and get nothing back. I'm mad about it and I've told him so. So went I went to the shop he decided to drive off when I was inside and leave me.

It's only a 10 min walk from home. But I'm fuming. I don't know how to even react or what to say?

OP posts:
Andwhatfreshhellisthis · 06/08/2024 08:31

Gerwurtztraminer · 06/08/2024 07:39

So to deal with your fears

  • you are already alone aren't you? He doesn't talk to you, refuses to communicate like an adult, drives off without you and has blocked your phone. How lonely you must feel right now. Living alone doesn't have to be lonely (I love it).
  • It's a broken home NOW. It'll be better if they don't have 2 parents at loggerheads with their father treating their mother like shit. As a child I remember an adult saying I came from a broken home and feeling both confused and upset - I didn't think my mum, me & sister (minus alcoholic violent Dad) were broken.
  • Less income. Never great but CMS from him and ability to do your own thing with money = you'll manage
  • Looking after kids on your own. How much does he do with them now (on his own)? If you live separately he'd hopefully have them at least every other weekend, giving you time to yourself.
There are worse ways to live than as a single mum, for example in an unhappy, loveless marriage being alternately shouted at or ignored. If he won't try marriage counselling/therapy then all you are doing is continuing to make your life miserable, and by extension your kids lives as well.
Show quote history

This. If you don’t drive, learn. Tell your parents. Get a solicitor.

Andwhatfreshhellisthis · 06/08/2024 08:29

itsoverisntit12 · 04/08/2024 16:16

It's starting to rain so there's no sunshine to enjoy. I need to sort of kids dinner or I'd just not go back

Let him do it. Go to a hotel with your book and favourite PJ

Rooroobear · 06/08/2024 08:28

And you’re still with him because………

Newhere5 · 06/08/2024 08:15

itsoverisntit12 · 04/08/2024 16:16

It's starting to rain so there's no sunshine to enjoy. I need to sort of kids dinner or I'd just not go back

Why don’t you let him do it?

CinnamonTart · 06/08/2024 08:15

Is he autistic?

SendNoodles · 06/08/2024 08:14

Gerwurtztraminer · 06/08/2024 07:39

So to deal with your fears

  • you are already alone aren't you? He doesn't talk to you, refuses to communicate like an adult, drives off without you and has blocked your phone. How lonely you must feel right now. Living alone doesn't have to be lonely (I love it).
  • It's a broken home NOW. It'll be better if they don't have 2 parents at loggerheads with their father treating their mother like shit. As a child I remember an adult saying I came from a broken home and feeling both confused and upset - I didn't think my mum, me & sister (minus alcoholic violent Dad) were broken.
  • Less income. Never great but CMS from him and ability to do your own thing with money = you'll manage
  • Looking after kids on your own. How much does he do with them now (on his own)? If you live separately he'd hopefully have them at least every other weekend, giving you time to yourself.
There are worse ways to live than as a single mum, for example in an unhappy, loveless marriage being alternately shouted at or ignored. If he won't try marriage counselling/therapy then all you are doing is continuing to make your life miserable, and by extension your kids lives as well.
Show quote history

Very well put. Even if you can't leave right away, you can start planning right away.

HeyTalkToMeGoose · 06/08/2024 07:50

itsoverisntit12 · 06/08/2024 07:16

If I'm honest, I don't think I do love him anymore (not solely because of this incident) but I'm scared to leave. Not because I'm scared of him, but I'm scared of being alone, the kids having a broken home, less income, looking after the kids on my own. All of it. I don't know how to do it or where to start

They are in a 'broken home' right now watching all this unfold!

MelainesLaugh · 06/08/2024 07:46

I’d be telling him to leave right now

2021x · 06/08/2024 07:44

itsoverisntit12 · 06/08/2024 07:19

He took great pleasure yesterday in telling me he had blocked my phone number (childish) but somehow this ongoing drama is my fault because I'm not talking to him now.

Hmm childish is the right answer. Just because he is not hitting you or being overtly abusive doesn’t mean this behaviour isn’t deliberately to hurt you.

Honestly if you have the resources I would get a few counselling sessions on your own. It would be good to have an adult to discuss this all with, and your husband is too immature to have a conversation with.

Gerwurtztraminer · 06/08/2024 07:39

itsoverisntit12 · 06/08/2024 07:16

If I'm honest, I don't think I do love him anymore (not solely because of this incident) but I'm scared to leave. Not because I'm scared of him, but I'm scared of being alone, the kids having a broken home, less income, looking after the kids on my own. All of it. I don't know how to do it or where to start

So to deal with your fears

  • you are already alone aren't you? He doesn't talk to you, refuses to communicate like an adult, drives off without you and has blocked your phone. How lonely you must feel right now. Living alone doesn't have to be lonely (I love it).
  • It's a broken home NOW. It'll be better if they don't have 2 parents at loggerheads with their father treating their mother like shit. As a child I remember an adult saying I came from a broken home and feeling both confused and upset - I didn't think my mum, me & sister (minus alcoholic violent Dad) were broken.
  • Less income. Never great but CMS from him and ability to do your own thing with money = you'll manage
  • Looking after kids on your own. How much does he do with them now (on his own)? If you live separately he'd hopefully have them at least every other weekend, giving you time to yourself.
There are worse ways to live than as a single mum, for example in an unhappy, loveless marriage being alternately shouted at or ignored. If he won't try marriage counselling/therapy then all you are doing is continuing to make your life miserable, and by extension your kids lives as well.
KTSl1964 · 06/08/2024 07:31

Look up entitled to or turn to us for benefit advice if you are in the uk - just base it on your wage - you could get some help -= also he’s abusive - he will need to pay maintenance too - get his details re work NI number - you maybe able to rent privately and LEAVE him!!! It’s not you - stop cooking for him please or doing anything for the over grown baby - he will tie you in knots - whatever you do IT WILL NEVER BE ENOUGH - the hurdles and issues will keep moving.
Google Grey Rock technique - become detached - 🌺🌺

banality101 · 06/08/2024 07:20

Sorry wrong thread!

banality101 · 06/08/2024 07:19

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Original poster
itsoverisntit12 · 06/08/2024 07:19

He took great pleasure yesterday in telling me he had blocked my phone number (childish) but somehow this ongoing drama is my fault because I'm not talking to him now.

OP posts:
Original poster
itsoverisntit12 · 06/08/2024 07:16

If I'm honest, I don't think I do love him anymore (not solely because of this incident) but I'm scared to leave. Not because I'm scared of him, but I'm scared of being alone, the kids having a broken home, less income, looking after the kids on my own. All of it. I don't know how to do it or where to start

OP posts:
SauvignonBlonk · 06/08/2024 07:15

Is this the first time something like this has happened?
If the answer is no just start making plans to leave.
You deserve to live a happy life OP, he sounds awful.
I used to have one like him - life is so much better now I got rid of him.

stayathomer · 06/08/2024 07:12

The two of you need to talk/ argue this out and see where you are with each other. Forget about who knows, that isn’t the important thing. The important thing is whether you’re really done or whether this is fixable- why you’re together, if you love each other, if eg ye are overtired or stuck in a rut or it’s kids or whether you’ve both just changed too much (we are going through this this year and both figuring out what we are to each other and life is forevermore changed so hugs x)

RampantIvy · 06/08/2024 06:53

I'm scared the kids will tell grandparents what just happened.

I think they should.

I don't want the grandparents to know because my mother would erupt and quote frankly because I feel embarrassed

Who would she erupt at? Your horrible husband? He deserves it. I imagine that she already has an inkling of what he is like. When DD’s ex BF starting behaving like an arsehole towards her it was pretty obvious to me.

There is anothing to be ashamed of.

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 06/08/2024 06:51

itsoverisntit12 · 04/08/2024 17:27

I've made pasta for the kids which had leftovers - of course he's now eating that because cooking for him is all I'm good for. I feel like throwing the pan at his head

To answer questions. I work, yes. The kids are his, we live in a privately rented property but not sure how I'd financially manage just on my wage. We could, but it would be a stretch.

I don't want the grandparents to know because my mother would erupt and quote frankly because I feel embarrassed

Why could he not have sorted their dinner?

Why did you even let him eat one bite of that pasta? After that behaviour I would have scraped it in the bin rather than give it to him.

You should tell your parents. And his - let them know what a prince he raised. And get advice about leaving this man asap. Women’s aid, CAB, or have you got an employee assistance programme?

Shoxfordian · 06/08/2024 05:07

I hope you've spoken to a lawyer and started the divorce process

RickyGervaislovesdogs · 06/08/2024 05:00

He’s the one who should be embarrassed, not you.

Whose car is it? Be damned if I’d get in there again. Fuck him. Abusive, miserable cunt.

Honestly either stay, don’t engage, make your own life, or leave and start over. I know it’s easier said than done, but he will suck the life out of you. The relationship sounds over. Not great for the children to absorb this.

Stephenra · 06/08/2024 04:52
  1. suggest couples counselling
  2. lawyer up
  3. formulate exit strategy
Userxyd · 06/08/2024 04:11

Sounds like he's used to being the one in control. Try some of his own medicine on him along with some straight consequences, and make sure he believes you - if you keep treating me like this I'll have no choice but to leave you, I can't let the kids grow up thinking this is acceptable behaviour.
Some hard reality checks might sort him out.
If not then you'll have no choice sadly OP, you can't let the kids grow up thinking this is acceptable behaviour.

hulahooper2 · 06/08/2024 03:19

my husband didn’t talk for 2 weeks , when he did it was to tell me he was leaving , i’m now happily divorced

fantasmasgoria1 · 06/08/2024 02:11

If it were me I wouldn't cook for him, I wouldn't do his laundry or anything else. Don't talk to him unless you have something very important that needs you to communicate with him. To be honest though I would just finish with him. Your life will be a lot better.