To ask how you would react to this?

He can't wait to be dead? Suddenly casting himself in the light of victim.

And you'd be the bad guy if he somehow ended up dead.

Do not get sucked into pandering to this.

It's such a classic abuser move. My ex did this. He abused me horribly. He was found out. And then pretended to take lots of pills and suddenly everyone rallied around him, pitying him. Wondering what an awful wife I must be to drive him to that.

Your h is awful. No wonder you hate him. Get rid of him.

Typical abusive man using justifications and excuses to abuse.
Do you want to your kids growing up thinking this is normal?

I got rid of mine.

I know what you mean when you say broken home, but come on. Your kids aren't stupid, they're already living in a broken home.

You think it's healthy or good for them to see your relationship play out like this? Would you be happy for one of your children to emulate you and your husband in years to come and be in a relationship like this?

He told me last night he can't wait to be dead so everyone is better off

Yes classic attention seeking. I bet if you do manage to leave he’ll claim he’s suicidal. It’s bollocks.

I’d either ignore completely or just say something like “maybe that might be something to think about and make some changes whilst you are alive so you like yourself a bit more.”

Bloody well said!! 👏🏻

Stop putting your feelings before your poor children's.

You are being utterly selfish, whilst pretending you dont want them to come from a "broken home".

Newsflash - IT IS ALREADY BROKEN.

But you are both dragging your children around in this shitshow of a "marriage".

Edit - if you think I am being harsh, count how many times you said "I" or referred to yourself in your post

Start planning to leave. Sell stuff discretely, think about increasing your hours, see if you can find out about accommodation. Even if basic (1/2 bed) better than this. If you really can’t speak to your parents think about confiding in a friend in real life. He’s a nasty bully and doesn’t like you.

In the meantime stop the wife work, he does his own washing, he tidies his own stuff, no packed lunches and no cooking for him (chuck any leftovers or label them something grim and freeze). If he shows you no respect then he doesn’t get useful things done for him. If he asks, tell him you texted him all about it and maybe the text didn’t get through for some reason. And no admin for him either. Don’t go anywhere with him and don’t initiate conversation. You can’t solve this by being nicer.

I’d go home, pack a few bags and leave with the kids OR I’d go home and pack him a bag and tell him to leave and not come back until he is prepared to stop the emotional abuse of silent treatment and ditching and so on.

This, the kids would worry about you. They will know it wasn’t right to just leave you.

Gosh this relationship is truly toxic. It's getting worse with the blocked phone number too. I'd pack my bags and take the kids to my parents until I get my own flat. You can't carry on living like this. Your children are learning relationships from you. At this rate they'll grow up accepting someone who treats them badly. Be a good role model and move out.

File for divorce. It's your only option.

Leave him OP you may not have as much money buy you will have peace.

My parents had this type of relationship and the only thing I felt when they finally split when I was 10 was relief. Your children are already living in a home that's broken. Imagine how they must have felt when he drove away. As for your mum no wonder she was explode watching her child be treated so poorly.

We went to live in a tiny flat in a rougher area after my parents divorce and it felt like heaven. No hate, so simmering anger, no silent treatment, no waiting for the next fight. My parents rarely fought in front of us but we knew anyway it was an awful way to live.

What? Why? What has she said that would vaguely suggest that.

Life is far too short to live like this. I completely understand the feeling scared of leaving - but it will be one of those things you'd wished you'd done earlier once you've done it.

You have children so this isn't just about you of course - but do you want them to be brought up watching your relationship and thinking it's normal/acceptable? Hard as being separated is it's far preferable over being in an unhappy & abusive relationship.

If you feel like you're starting to have your eyes opened to the reality of what his behaviour is like it's worth having a chat with Women's Aid - they have a web chat and can help make sense/validate what's going on. That was a massive help to me when I was in a not-too dissimilar situation to you.

As a child I remember an adult saying I came from a broken home and feeling both confused and upset - I didn't think my mum, me & sister (minus alcoholic violent Dad) were broken.

As the child of divorced parents, I always found the phrase "broken home" ridiculous. We had a very happy home, thank you very much! And two parents who loved us even though they didn't get on with each other.

OP, I'm 47 and I can still vividly remember my father leaving my mother places and driving off because she'd committed some imaginary crime. I'm in therapy for it now because I've finally had to admit that it's left me with coping mechanisms that aren't good. Your kids know what's going on. They may not have words for it yet, but they know.

Please look at: gaslighting (him saying you slammed the door, you now questioning yourself because you don't know what the truth is any more because you can't trust your judgement).

Ask yourself if there's a possibility that he's lying about you slamming it.

Coercive control.

Using the children as a method of control (knowing if he takes them with him, you will come back, because you won't leave them).

Making you believe that you will be publicly shamed if you leave as a way of keeping you in the marriage

If you can afford life without him at a stretch then you can afford it and that's good enough. If he realises this, he may do things that leave you unable to afford it (eg manipulate you into running up debt by promising it will fix the marriage/make him happy when it won't)

Please ring women's aid and talk to someone.

@itsoverisntit12 your poor kids. The atmosphere will be making them so anxious.

Please just end it. This isn't love. Its not healthy for your or the kids to live like this.

Make the decision, pull the plug and move one of you out of the master bedroom. Don't cook, clean or otherwise look after him at all.

Or move out and go to your parents. Apply via local council for a place and look into any benefit entitlements.

Life WILL be better without him.

All of this.

And OP, as someone who comes from a "broken" home, I can tell you that being in a happy home with just me and my mum was a million times better than when her and my Dad were together! He wasn't violent or aggressive but he was massively controlling and we were constantly treading on eggshells around him.

Likewise with my DSD. DP and his ex didn't really argue as such but they had got to the point where they basically co-existed mostly in silence and probably with a lot of unspoken annoyance.

She made a comment once that me and her Dad hugged "a lot" and she wanted a boyfriend to hug. I wouldn't say that we're massively overly affectionate in front of her but she's probably picked up on it as she hasn't seen it before and again, surely it's far nicer for her to be in a loving and affectionate home than in one with a tense and hostile atmosphere??

OP, a "broken home" is broken long before you make the decision to move out. The way your husband is behaving in front of your kids is damaging them far more than if you were to be on your own with them.

There is a dangerous narrative becoming increasingly common, that abusive behaviour can be explained (and at times excused) through a ND diagnosis.

To be clear, OP, people can be both autistic and abusive, they’re not mutually exclusive. However, neurodiversity is NEVER a reason or explanation for abuse. Speaking as a diagnosed adult, with two diagnosed children, plus multiple diagnosed extended family members. It’s possible also to be autistic and not an abusive arsehole.

I'm not trying to be cruel when I say this, but staying in this situation will be very bad for the kids. If you can fight through that fear for them, it would likely be much better in the long run.

You need to leave.

What?? There is nothing in the OP to suggest that and even he is so what? Autistic people can be arseholes too and you are allowed to call them out on it and leave them.
OP in terms of "how to do it" there are lots of useful guides online..try Wikivorce for a start and obviously go and have a chat with a solicitor. Usual advice is to get yourself prepared, quietly gather copies of payslips, ideally his pension if you can but that can be tricky...don't worry too much, the solicitor can deal with that later. As others have said find out what your UC entitlement might be and start working it out. If you'd asked me if I could manage alone before ex left for ow I'd have said obviously not but when it happened and o had no say in it, you make it work. Good luck.

Add on…broken home?? That’s bullshit. Parents splitting up does not mean broken home! You’re in a broken home now. Being ignored, arguing in front of your kids, driving off and leaving you. Your kids would be happier in a loving environment with you on your own and showing them a happy, loving, safe upbringing. Stop pedalling the broken home gaslighting bollocks