To think I’m someone who will never lose weight?

Watch the film "Your Fat Friend" and read this

https://www.yourfatfriend.com/

Also the Substack "can I have another snack"

This is the way forwards

It’s because you’re doing these silly quick fix diets that lead to 90+% failure rate that starve you instead of making a proper life style change.

If you want to lose weight move more and eat less, cliche but you need to eat a realistic amount of food (not for a toddler) and walk a bit more / light exercise.

30 mins of walking a day and dropping 500 calories off your daily average calories, you’ll lose weight.

Im seriously considering Monjaro. A friend of mine has lost 4st on it. Changed her diet/exercise etc. going for the whole mind change. Having a body reset

Download the Loseit app and begin tracking your daily calories. Just to get an idea of what you're eating regularly and the impact of treats. You'd be surprised how you don't actually have to live on nothing to form a deficit. Sticking to a diet is much easier when you're still allowed to enjoy the foods you like in moderation. You can have an ice cream and get back on track the next day. It makes you more accountable.

I was overweight and assumed that because I was post menopausal I was doomed to be fat forever. Then I discovered I had high blood pressure. I hate doctors and hospitals so decided to try and fix it by healthy eating.

I cut out UPFs and started eating loads of fruit and veg plus small portions of protein at every meal. No calorie counting or obsessing. If I was hungry I would snack on healthy protein based things (yoghurt, a boiled egg, nuts, home made humus). I carried healthy snacks in my bag and if I was tempted by a pastry or ice cream I'd eat that instead.

Within three months my BP was normal and without even trying I'd lost 5 kilos. After a year I'd lost 17 kilos and my BMI went from 29 to 22. My skin is better than it was 10 years ago and I have loads of energy, also a whole new wardrobe of lovely clothes!

3 years on the BP is still good and the weight is steady. I'm in my sixties and my skin is better than it was 10 years ago and I have loads of energy and a whole new wardrobe of lovely clothes.

I have the occasional unhealthy thing like Pizza Express or cake but much smaller quantities than before. I still love Hotel Chocolat chocolates but instead of eating 6 at a time I eat 1 or 2 a week. If I go out to eat or visit someone I have very small portions of whatever is offered and fill up my plate with salad and veg. It's habit now, also my tastes have adapted. I'm much more likely to crave a hard boiled egg than a croissant.

so no you don't have to be fat forever, but you do have to change your lifestyle. Simple healthy food will do it for you.

I lost 9 stone on slimfast so it definitely works if you are in the right mindset.

Id suggest slimming world. You don’t completely cut anything out, but the rate of weight loss is still great - approx 4-7lbs in the first week, sometimes more. Usually The higher the starting weight the higher the first week of weight loss if you stick with it 100%.

there is one woman in my slimming world group who has lost 6stone in about 1.5 years and quite a few people who have lost between 2-4 stone and kept it off. A few people have also been able to come off various diabetes and heart medications as their weight has dropped and health has increased.

I think it works because it’s all about filling up on healthy stuff, but still allowing a small number of less healthy foods. But by not completely cutting things out, the cravings are not so mega!

the problem with slimfast and similar/ diets that restrict calories is that it’s not realistic because your just drinking and no chewing involved. Or you might end up putting your body into starvation mode which encourages it to hold onto any sugar/fat consumed because your body isnt sure when the next meal/ calories will be.

whatever you decide to do, good luck with it, @AugMummy

I tried Keto a while ago and it took me a number of attempts to continue and lose some weight but the craving for carbs was insane. I love sweet treats so I expected this would be difficult however I was not expecting the craving for a potato to hit me so hard 😅 😫.
I ended up giving up because it was just too much.

Now it's portion control with a smaller portion of carbs such as sweet potato mash, rice, quinoa, cous cous and the weight is slowly dropping.

OP, I'm in a similar boat and I'm finding so much of the advice of PPs is very good (I'm taking notes 😉). I agree that your main problem (mine too) is psychological, not physical: I would recomend therapy. Food issues almost always come from early childhood attachement problems.
Then, the all or nothing mindset (the good old perfectionism) is at fault now: maybe an automatism that doesn't help you.
Solidarity, step by step we'll get there 💐
Edited to add a book recomendation: "Atomic habits" seemingly has a very helpful approach that could help in a weight loss "journey" (reading it myself because DH is a fan!)

Your husband can tell a person has a sticky glue like texture from their BMI?

Thsnk you, @5128gap for saying exactly what I was thinking...
What an ignorant and dangerous statement: so smug and stupid!

This is why I do well on calorie control. You may have the ice-cream. You just have to log the calories.

Also download a calorie counting app if you can that way you can keep an eye on just how much calories you consume handy as that's the biggest key is calorie deficit to losing weight to begin with.

Hiya op it's hard work you need to find something a goal to motivate you for instance instead of seeing it as losing weight and putting pressure on yourself see it more as trying to get healthy building your
fitness and strength levels.
Have you thought about joining a fitness class? Or swimming?
I'm like you op I can't diet I need to exercise to keep myself motivated and it's become more about keeping healthy and strong than weight on the scales I do a mixture of cardio and weight training.
I've lost over two stone but as I said I can't do diet alone it needs to go with exercise to keep me motivated I also don't beat myself up if i have the odd treat so long as I'm watching what I'm eating the rest of the time.

Your husband can tell a person has a sticky glue like texture from their BMI? Unless he's made some new discovery about the composition of the human body, he is being very unintelligent, both in his use of language and his understanding of issues around weight. If I were you I'd take his 'insights' with an enormous pinch of salt. I'm glad you're managing to improve your health, but sorry the motivation came from his ignorance and rudeness.

The no carbs brigade is tedious. Just stating all carbs are bad is incorrect.

Overview

Complex carbohydrates are made up of sugar molecules that are strung together in long, complex chains. Complex carbohydrates are found in foods such as peas, beans, whole grains, and vegetables. Both simple and complex carbohydrates are turned to glucose (blood sugar) in the body and are used as energy. Glucose is used in the cells of the body and in the brain. Any unused glucose is stored in the liver and muscles as glycogen for use later.

Complex carbohydrate foods provide vitamins, minerals, and fiber that are important to the health of an individual. The majority of carbohydrates should come from complex carbohydrates (starches) and naturally occurring sugars, rather than processed or refined sugars, which do not have the vitamins, minerals, and fiber found in complex carbohydrates. Refined sugars are often called "empty calories" because they have little to no nutritional value.

Nothing to do with willpower
You need to eat the right foods and enough of them.
What you ate obviously didn't satisfy you.
Stop fad diets and counting calories and eating substantial filling healthy meals

Definately a mental issue not a physical one which I can totally relate to. It's the habit of our lifestyle which is hard to give up. Seeing the ice cream van symbolises, fun or a treat or a happy fix. We are not hungry, it's just wanting that piece of happiness and sharing that fun time with the kids. It is hard but like others have said, if that happens again, accept it but don't self punish and then make it worse. Have the ice cream and that's it and carry on with your diet and think ok tomorrow I'll try not to have an ice cream. Small steps will work but forgive yourself if you have a slip and keep with the challenge.

You sound like a food addict. Addictions are hard to beat.
It also sounds like you have a problem sticking to the program whenever there is a social aspect, e.g. with the kids in the park.
I suggest step by step.

First stop buying crap like penguins, if they are not in the house you can avoid them easily. If you can’t stop yourself buying them when shopping in-person, then do an online shop and get it delivered.

Second, make sure you focus on eating protein and removing carbs. Ideally no flour or grain products - that can be a golden rule. If you want a snack then eat some nuts. For breakfast have a yoghurt or eggs.

You need to remind your body that carbs are non-essential. If you don’t eat carbs and your body wants glucose it can convert fat and protein to sugar.

Keto does work, it did for me, I lost a couple of stone on it, but for most people it’s not a long term solution as it’s so restrictive.

Just like smoking (which I had as an addiction) I have to admit you can only beat an addiction when you really want to - for me it was very hard to stop smoking, I tried for years, but as soon as my son was on the way I gave up overnight because it was important enough to me to do so.

Diets don't work. Especially ridiculous faddy nonsense like slim fast and keto.

It's really boring but the only way is overhauling the way you eat on a permanent basis, lifestyle change, not dieting.

My DH said to me... You can tell a lot from a person based on their BMI. They are either a glutinous person or they are not.

That sort of scared me. I don't want to be a glutinous person with no self control. That's what I was at the time. I'm now within the shallow realms of a normal BMI.

Food is addictive. That's the truth of it. You have to fight this addiction. UPF's don't help. Try and cut them out and make slow but steady changes.

Good luck.

I mean this gently but your post (and self sabotage) suggests that you think and behave in extremes. Your post is full of black and white statements like ‘I’m someone who will NEVER lose weight’, ‘I’ll be fat forever’, ‘I have NO willpower’. When you ate an ice cream, instead of being ok with moderation, you had extreme thoughts about failing and then decided to go all in.

My guess is that psychological therapies, or even online based cognitive therapy type programs may be the necessary first step. You may have a problem losing weight, who knows. You won’t be able to work that out until you stop binge eating… which is most likely coming from a psychological not physical place.

This sums it up in my opinion.

you need to move. You need to built muscle so the metabolism its faster, your body burn calories much more if you have more muscle. Go hit the gym and do weight training. Diet never feel so easy if you have lots of muscle. The weight its just fell off. Thats why fit people always look slim. Because their body burn a lot. I’m still in process now. Try to lose weight and do weigh training 4 times a week.