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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To leave them at home?

62 replies

lanadelcake · 04/08/2024 10:43

I'm a single mum and I've taken my teenage daughters on holiday twice this summer. A week at a hotel in Italy and a couple of days in a beautiful lodge by the beach, here in Scotland.
I'll be honest, some of it has been hard going. Squabbles between them, moaning, sleeping half the day. It's not like they had no input in the holidays, as I accommodated their ideas!
Although parts of it were really good, I did find myself questioning the whole holidays thing - with them - and wondering why I bother. They are currently 18 and 15.
Next summer, it's my dad's 70th birthday. He is very much adored by his kids and grandchildren. The plan is to take him to his favourite place abroad for a family holiday, which we've never done before.
My situation is that ex husband and I take it in turns to holiday with the girls. So it was my turn this summer, and next year he'll take them away. So a part of my reluctance to take the girls on dad's family celebration is financial. Doing it two years in a row is a lot.
And there's also the fact that I'm going to feel much more relaxed without them. There would be X to moan about, or X cousin to find annoying. I'd have the pressure of having to wake them up because everyone is going out for lunch. And because I'm the only single parent in the whole family, I wouldn't have the backing of a partner.
My siblings are going to make it their annual 2 week holiday with their husbands and children. Their own teenage kids have more of a 'get on with it' mentality than mine.
Would I be unreasonable to join my family for 5 nights, and leave my girls at home? They would be the only grandchildren not there Blush
I honestly just don't think I could face it.

OP posts:
headpillowhit · 04/08/2024 11:04

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Adviceneeeeded · 04/08/2024 11:03

Ask them, but highlight ground rules and that you aren't above sending them home or leaving them out of activities of they don't get their acts together. As the holiday is about your dad not them.

Sounds harsh but they aren't little kids!

headpillowhit · 04/08/2024 11:02

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notagdfriend · 04/08/2024 11:02

But I agree as it's a family thing they should be invited.

Penguinmouse · 04/08/2024 11:01

I think as it’s a family holiday, it would be unreasonable to leave them out as the only grandchildren not going but following that trip, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to think about whether you take them on family holidays anymore.

notagdfriend · 04/08/2024 11:01

It's tricky we did family holidays until kids were 17 and 19. Then lockdown happened. After that we stopped doing family holidays

lanadelcake · 04/08/2024 10:58

Thanks everyone. Gah, you're probably right ...

OP posts:
BrutusMcDogface · 04/08/2024 10:56

It would be a shame for them to miss out, don’t you think? Just set some ground rules and as a pp says, give them the responsibility of getting themselves up for family lunches etc.

Agix · 04/08/2024 10:56

I think it would be unreasonable to leave them out if they want to go. It's their grandads birthday trip.

ComtesseDeSpair · 04/08/2024 10:53

As it’s a big family holiday I agree that I’d give them the option rather than just leaving them out. But you can approach it differently to this year with your cajoling then to get up and out. They’ll be 16 and 19 and can be treated as adults. They’re told what time they need to be up for if they want to join everyone on an outing, and what time meals will be served; if they don’t make themselves available then they miss out. I suspect that realising their grandparents’ disappointment because they haven’t bothered to join in, or the peer pressure of their cousins who are joining in with everything will result in more effort being put in on their part than when they’ve only you.

lanadelcake · 04/08/2024 10:49

Sirzy · 04/08/2024 10:45

At 19 and 16 it wouldn’t be wrong for them not to go if they didn’t want to. However I think it would be wrong to deliberately exclude them from a family celebration

I think they will say they want to go. In fact, I'm sure they will. But how this will tally up with their attitude while there, I do not know.
Given how tense I sometimes felt on holiday this summer, I'm not too hopeful Sad

OP posts:
Sirzy · 04/08/2024 10:45

At 19 and 16 it wouldn’t be wrong for them not to go if they didn’t want to. However I think it would be wrong to deliberately exclude them from a family celebration

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