To wonder if “friend” is right and people are judging me (disability)

The work thing is a red herring - of course you shouldn't work if you're too unwell, she can fuck off.

What she might be judging as well, though, is you having a child that you're unable to look after or be left alone with for long periods, and that you conceived that child post-diagnosis. If she's struggling with infertility, and feels that she and her DH can provide a fantastic childhood, she's likely bitter that you've had a child in less-than-ideal circumstances when she can't have one.

I wouldn't be friends with her though - fine to think that, but incredibly awful to say to someone that is meant to be your friend. And the work comment was just her being a shit.

Wow, what a revolting woman. I doubt anyone else judges you, but fuck them if they do.
Your husband though, what a guy!

I doubt very much if most people who really know you, think you are lazy Redgreen. It is more likely that one (ex)friend suggested it and others said, "Mmmmm". I've witnessed that sort of conversation in which folk try and avoid any confrontation and take the easy route by being vague in their responses.

Good on your husband for sticking up for you and telling this person to leave. She is horrible! You don't need someone like that in your life.

I can understand how hurtfut that was. The person was obviously jealous of the younger you who was cleverer and brighter than most, no doubt her she has harboured resentment for years and couldn't hold it in any longer. Knowing how vulnerable you now are, she was well aware of the effect her words would have.

Please put her behind you, who wants a nasty, bitter individual with a loose tongue in their circle?

I have no difficulty in believing you have severe health problems, Redgreen. I had a very good friend who developed epilepsy at the age of 24. It is possible that it was the result of a car accident in which she was a passenger and sustained a severe head injury, aged nine. She was a lovely, lovely person and had terrible difficulty at work but she really did try hard, Her epilepsy was not controlled at all and there were frequent fits. She never married and had children in spite of being attractive and much admired by men (who often took advantage). I was extremely fond of her.

I am so sorry about your fibromyalgia, I know that is painful. I expect you are on drugs to try to stabilise your epilepsy, some of which may exacerbate your pain and often cause depression which of course exacerbates pain. Neurologists try this and that drug, it's all trial and error, the brain is still very much an unknown field.

You are a trier, Redgreen and you have achieved more than many with your own home, marriage and a child. Good on you.

Take good care of yourself.

Wow.

A close family member of mine has had to give up work due to their fibro. Some days they cannot lift their head from the pillow let alone contemplate doing a job. They're desperate to work and feel like they are "normal" but it's a very debilitating condition for them and no home or flexi working would solve that.

This woman was rude. It’s true some people may judge but if they do, they aren’t nice people and TBH, why does it matter what people think? Your real friends will know the truth.

Your husband on the other hand sounds fantastic.

Your DH is an absolute star!! And he's right. You're better off without 'friends' like that!

OP this arrangement clearly works for your family,you have a lovely, supportive Husband.Live your life and forget this so called friend.

@thelonelyones I can only conclude you're thick as fuck. I hope your employers identify you and sack your moronic ass.

@Lose6pounds do you realise your post came across as judging? It reads as though you're implying the OP is making it all up? I hope you're not inferring that. But if you are you belong in the same ableist bin as @thelonelyones

What a nasty, spiteful woman. Who in their right mind would even think that, let alone say it?

I am sure having either fibro or epilepsy is greatly challenging, let alone both, and I sympathise OP. Your DH sounds great though and a wonderful support.

I'm sorry you had to be on the receiving end of her utterly callous comments.

What a disgusting attitude to have,especially working with disabled people,you should be thoroughly ashamed of yourself as you clearly have no empathy whatsoever and should not be working in the role you have,unbelievably nasty.

OP why have you kept her as a friend? She sounds like a completely nasty person who takes her own frustrations out on you.

Wow. What a nasty post. I would have thought that having mutual issues yourself you would understand that not all illnesses manifest in the same way.
My son has severe mental health problems and cannot work and a lot of people think he is lazy inc!uding his own brother but they haven't seen the full effects of his illness do these people sre best ignored.

well I think you are half right.. I judge people who go and riot and loot but there is NO WAY I would ever judge someone with a disability

Your dh is a gem.

Your frenemy is a - I cannot bring myself to say what I think of her, even if she is suffering from her infertility. You owe her nothing.

Idiots judge, yes. Idiots who know nothing about disability and have not the imagination nor compassion to put themselves in another's shoes for a few minutes. You are not responsible for their prejudices, nor for the idiocy that they spout as a result of their prejudice. That's their problem, not yours.

People who matter to you will not judge you for something you cannot change.

(((Hugs)))

🙄🙄 You're a troll aren't you.

Yes, I agree. I’m very shocked that any charity would employ someone who is prepared to voice attitudes like this in public, doubly so if it’s disability related.

I can’t understand how someone who claims to be disabled could be so hateful to another, so I’m telling myself that that PP is making her job and disability up, I need to keep some faith in humanity.

To the OP I’d say you are managing brilliantly, looking after your child and having a good life - keep at it. Also you husband is an absolute gem!

Your DH is 100% correct.

What a horrible post. I truly hope you do not have direct contact with vulnerable users of your charity.

OP your husband is right the majority of friends will not be thinking this do not give it a second more of your head space. She is a nasty piece of work!

Nobody knows what it's like to deal with your conditions other then other people with your condition. I would not view you as lazy!

As for the pp about London trip your just showing lack of understanding on conditions and pacing methods that people with long term conditions do day in day out.

Have you ever had a seizure?

If 'no' then you need to f**k off immediately because you should be ashamed of yourself.

If 'yes' then I have no idea what to say.

Whether they're caused by a neurological disorder, or more rarely by severe psychological trauma, seizures are debilitating. Let alone adding OP's pain and exhaustion from fibromyalgia on top.

Your husband sounds so nice and supportive, your so called friend sounds like a jealous person , you have the child she longs for despite your bad health , the big house and all the money in the world won't fill the hole . I wouldn't give her another thought and I wouldn't entertain her again .

You're a really mean person.

Your DH sounds brilliant! Agree with everything he's said and done. Please can I borrow him for a while? I'm on my own and could do with an occasional bit of support.

Long term illness is difficult. I'm in a similar although not quite so serious boat. I have been off work due ito illness for 5 months so far. It plays on your mind. It doesn't help that a close friend seems to have dumped me .no idea why.

Your story sounds similar to mine, not the same medical conditions but the sleeping, the pain and the days needed for recovery. The problem is people outside your immediate family see you at your best, they don't see what's happening behind the scenes and unless they've experienced it they don't get it. This is why I always get annoyed at people who say comments like my sister is on pip but theirs nothing wrong with her. Your friend sounds like a bitch and has clearly had a blessed life if she can't understand the reality of your situation. I'm glad you have such a supportive husband, people like that are who matter and who you should focus on. I wish you all the best for your future.