To think DP should've dropped everything to be with me? Perhaps I'm needy.

Get rid. He’s showing you what the rest of your life could be like. He sounds like a total loser.

I had two failed relationships in my 20’s… I regret giving both so much of my time!!
mine was ‘on/off’ like yours and that relationship taught me that once you separate it’s a sure sign you’re not meant to keep getting back together because it’s not fair to ask the other to change and you yourself shouldn’t compromise yourself by trying to change either… especially if that change is just to be a doormat to this manchild!
My second relationship I actually lived with, he was very jealous and controlling and I tried so hard to make it work, after we split I realised that relationships aren’t meant to be so one sided, nor should they be such hard work .. life is too short!!

I look back now and regret wasting my 20’s on relationships that just Had no future in them…. I don’t regret the relationships as they taught me life lessons, but I regret not leaving both a lot sooner… there were certainly plenty of red flags!!

Don’t ignore the red flags….. the fact a few posters have said you’ve posted about this relationship before suggests strongly that this is a regular thing and you just don’t mean enough to him for him to put you first! This won’t ever change, the more you stand for him treating you this way the more he’ll continue to do so…. If you challenge his behaviour he’ll gaslight you, say you’re needy etc…. Basically if you ask for more he’ll end it, if you don’t ask for more he’ll just wipe his feet on you till he meets someone he actually wants to prioritise!… End things, but do it properly this time!! Don’t stay in touch or any of the bullshit that allows him to work his way back … just end it and block him and don’t contact him ever again… In years to come you’ll look back and think thank God I ended it when I did (you’ll probably wish you had sooner!) ….

Also consider this : if you were out with your friends and your partner/friend or whoever messaged you saying they’d had a bad day and really needed you… would you rush to their side and offer support? I would cancel a night out ‘just boozing and sitting around a garden’ for someone that meant anything to me!….. hell I’d probably cancel friends even to help a distraught stranger out!…
Also if he’s starting a job that’s only leaving ‘weekends for his precious friends’… when is he fitting in time with you?? Just the weekends that his friends are busy??

Sorry @mertlegr but he’s a deadbeat who really isn’t good enough for you! As much as it’s upsetting now, future you will thank you for ditching this pot head!

This happened weeks ago, when there are lots of other problems, and you’re still with him? More fool you, at this point.

’not that into you’

Can you share the link plz

Sounds like a very one sided relationship!
sorry for your work related loss!

Sorry OP but I don’t think you’re wrong at all, he has just been away doing god knows what with friends for 6 months and wanted to spend more time with his friends rather than supporting you? He’s a selfish prick!

I hope you haven’t slept with him since his trip? I’d be asking him to have sexual health checks after a 6 month lads trip to Asia!

Ge isn’t into this relationship as much as you are and I think you need to stop putting yourself down (you don’t need to change your views at all) you’re still young and have your whole life ahead of you.. don’t waste your twenties on this man who treats you like booty call

You are incompatible.

He is not the type of msn you want to be with and you cannot change him, so stop trying.

Its been 5 years, it obviously doesn’t work.

Close this book once and for all and pick up a new one.
End it today and don’t say in the on and off again real any longer.

This tells you all you need to know surely. 5 years of this non-commital crap is enough.

Somewhat harsh (purely my view) if you can't reach out and expect the people who love you to be there for you when you need them that is a really sad way to live (again, in my view).

Why is he your DP?

Also - if his 'everything' is being in his garden smokin' weed with his friends then....

Going on the old saying: You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with... then pick wisely.

There are going to be other future awful events in your life. You're going to be exposed to some very traumatic situations through your job and you do not know what life will throw at you.

This man has made his bed. He is highly unlikely to react differently to future situations and you will be handling them alone/leaning into friends and family instead.

The only other time you may see him react different is if he makes it about him. If you have a near miss with an accident he could tell his friends how this made him feel and get great sympathy. Turning it around.

Like he's attempting to do now: turning around an awful situation and making it about what he needed to do and how you're just being a bit daft, it's not as simple as seeing his friends etc.

These are quite a few red flags that could help you decide to leave the relationship for good. You deserve better. Everyone does.

He was spending "precious time" with his friends 7 days a week, and will still be able to see them at weekends. He was originally planning to see you if you had been able to get back to him in time. He could easily have spared half a day for you.

Must admit, I'm wondering about friends who are available 7 days a week to sit around in the pub and smoke weed. Do none of them work?

So why are you still here trying to force this mismatched relationship to work? It shouldn't be this difficult.

You're young, don't chuck away your youth flogging a dead horse because you can't face letting go of your younger self's dream that he was "the one".

You're very clearly not the right fit for each other, let alone "the one". Let go, feel the grief, move forward.

Agree fully with this. You posted the exact same thread and had pretty much the same responses (although if I recall, you were more vague with him about wanting to see him after work).

If that one event is still bothering you weeks later, then it’s one of two things - it’s most likely the last straw of him not prioritising you so it’s really hurt you, or actually it’s the loss of the baby that has hit you and you’re projecting that pain on to this event.

He doesn't sound like a reliable type. Get rid and find someone who will be there for you in difficult times.

You did see where the OP said that this was the death of a baby, and it's the first time she's experienced this? And she's "needy" for wanting some comfort and support from someone who is supposed to love her? No wonder staff are leaving the NHS in droves if this is the level of understanding they get.

You've outgrown him - and it sounds like you did a while ago, but have been hanging on out of habit and loyalty.

He sounds very immature still, for someone in his mid-20s. Being all dramatic about a "chapter closing" because he's going to have a job and not be able to doss about with his mates all day.

He also sounds monumentally selfish. If you care about someone, then you prioritise them when they've had a shit time and need help. I wonder what he would have done if he'd been with you, and got a call from one of his mates telling him that they needed him as it was an emergency?

This person is not a partner - he's not even a fully fledged adult by the sounds of it. If you were to meet him for the first time now, would you look at him and think 'yes, that's the man I want to spend my life with'?

I think there are two separate issues here. Someone working in this type of job needs to be able to deal with patient deaths without calling on a partner/family member to "be with them". So that is rather needy.
BUT. All the other things that OP says about her partner suggest that he is not the right person for her, and he doesn't view the relationship as serious. So it may be the right thing to bring this to an end.

Personally I don't understand why grown ups smoke weed like some bad A ass rebel teenagers....it's pathetic.
And to be blunt he's pathetic "oh I want to see me fweinds" like again he's some teenager with FOMO . You need to have a relationship with an adult. Traveling round Asia is all well and good when your 19...he's going to be perpetual teenager I'm afraid

i couldn’t be with someone like that. Raise your standards, get rid of him and find someone better.

He's just not that into you- sorry. Time to move on unless you want to be asking yourself if he's really arsed about you for years.

I’m not sure why you described him as DP. He’s clearly just an on/off boyfriend or fuck buddy. You have a very different view of your relationship than he does.

Is there a reason why your self esteem is so low that you have hung around this waste of space for so long? I would recommend counselling for you to unravel that so you can move forward with better boundaries and higher standards.

The previous night, he had told me to let him know by 2pm the following day if I'd be free for him to come over.

Okay, so just putting myself in his shoes here, if I told my boyfriend to let me know by 2pm the next day (?!) if they were free, and they didn't immediately say "yeah let's do something", then I would assume they were not particularly bothered about seeing me and make alternative plans. I'm not waiting around for someone to let me know if they want to see me or not.

He may have been miffed that you didn't let him know, and when you did it was at the very last minute and because you had had a bad day at work, so "needed" him, rather than "wanted" to see him if that makes sense. I have an anxious avoidant attachment style and would probably be a bit pissed off if I was your boyfriend in this scenario. I will also add that I work in healthcare, and have been present deaths etc. It's always horrible, but you need to find a way to either leave it at work or talk to other people who work in healthcare who will understand.

But that aside, sounds like your relationship doesn't have much of a future and you're probably best off ending it sooner rather than later, but only you know what to do.

My partner would never do that to me.

I agree with previous posters: dump him and find someone better.

@PurplePlunger - We live in Aus… You’re probably right though. Was probably a taxi. It was a long time ago. He’d do the same for our kids too.