Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Will she know I am preggy? And would you go ahead?

113 replies

Maybeitismilkagain · 03/08/2024 23:25

Seeing a guy I went to school with and just found out I am pregnant. About 5.5 weeks.

He works abroad sometimes in the middle east so I have only just told him. He was planning to pay me an evening visit and I t9ld him over text. I said I hadn't decided what to do. He says 'it's my baby. Please have it'

It is all very strange as it was a casual thing, in my mind. And now I am pregnant.

He wants me to meet his mum and dad for a roast, and his brother and partner who have 3 DC

He thinks it is a good idea to tell his mum and dad after I've met them. On his own. I have said that's a bad idea as she's a woman. She will know. I have horrific HG sickness that is only calmed down by medication

Personally, I've always guessed correctly when someone is pregnant but hasn't announced yet. Something about them gives it away.

Should I encourage him to just tell them and then meet with them?

The title is insp from his awful joke. He likes to say 'preggy, with a fertilised eggy'. And also likes to make references to that awful 'You're having my baby' song 😫

He doesn't know this but I haven't 100% decided if I want to continue with the pregnancy. I might not tell him if I do terminate, depending on how early the pregnancy is ended. Otherwise yes, I will have to say I am terminating

The thought of carrying his baby is thrilling. I always loved him when I was in my teens and was sad to break-up. He contacted me again when I was already married so never got round to a meet up. I now live 50 miles away from the area too. I posted some Instagram photos of myself a while back and he messaged me. It went from there

I have a gorgeous DS and DD from my previous marriage. Recently divorced (my children are 7 and 3). I am not sure if this suits them/would be too much of an inconvenience so I have yet to decide.

My son has special needs and is very easy going and oblivious to things like this. He would genuinely be fine. My DD would probably find it tough with a new baby. She is a total mummy's girl and likes having me to herself whenever she can

OP posts:
Sweetteaplease · 04/08/2024 06:48

Focus on the kids you have. This sounds like a nightmare.

JaninaDuszejko · 04/08/2024 06:45

Now is not the time to have another child, least of all with a casual partner. End it all now and concentrate in the children you have.

stormywhethers321 · 04/08/2024 06:41

Preggy with a fertilized eggy???

If you were relying on him to bring the condoms, I strongly suspect he sabotaged them.

TwinklyNight · 04/08/2024 06:33

I would not meet with them right now. You are thinking over something important, and meeting them could influance you. You need to be sure. Especially if he spontaneously burst out with the news at dinner and they all start hugging you and excited!

SantasRubiksCube · 04/08/2024 00:33

You haven't even been together long enough for him to have met your children or for you to have met his family but your considering having a baby with him? Am I the only one thinking that's a batshit crazy idea?! Confused

NZDreaming · 04/08/2024 00:12

@Maybeitismilkagain as other posters have said it sounds like you’re focusing on the wrong things here. You need to think about the practicalities of having a third child, not just a baby. Can you afford to support three children financially, physically and emotionally? You mention you have a special needs child, are you going to be able to manage his needs, the needs of your daughter and another child (who could potentially also have additional needs).

It doesn’t sound like you’re in a committed relationship so it would be unwise to get carried away with romantic notions, it could work out with him long term but the odds are against you. Do you have a support system in place if you end up doing this alone? He might be an excellent father but he could prove useless, you can’t rely on him on the same way you did your husband when you had your other children.

Are you ok with the prospect of having a child you know you will have to share your time with from the beginning? What about how that will work with your children potentially not spending much time with their sibling if contact time with their dads is different? This could be further complicated by any future children your ex husband or your current partner may have. Do you feel able to co-parent with two men who may have different parenting views/styles to yourself and each other?

You may be able to commit to this child and feel confident you can cope whatever happens but either way I don’t think it’s wise to meet his family or to tell them anything until you are certain about what you want to do. You don’t need the extra pressure.

Original poster
Maybeitismilkagain · 03/08/2024 23:42

longestlurkerever · 03/08/2024 23:38

OP don't meet with them yet. You haven't decided what you want and don't need a load of extra emotional investment in your decision. Give yourself a bit of space to think it through. I think your bf is being way too flippant too. Even if you were 100% set on keeping the baby, there arr clearly complicating factors you need to manage, which aren't being acknowledged. Good luck.

Thank you, I think I agree with that.

He has met my non verbal son in passing, very casually. Has not met DD and if he was to be a partner, I wouldn't want that to happen for at least 9 to 12 months for the first meet. I imagine having a newborn would have to change that

OP posts:
Adviceneeeeded · 03/08/2024 23:40

Are you happy to raise the baby alone? Because this is the reality. If so, then great. If not, then you need to think carefully

longestlurkerever · 03/08/2024 23:38

OP don't meet with them yet. You haven't decided what you want and don't need a load of extra emotional investment in your decision. Give yourself a bit of space to think it through. I think your bf is being way too flippant too. Even if you were 100% set on keeping the baby, there arr clearly complicating factors you need to manage, which aren't being acknowledged. Good luck.

Original poster
Maybeitismilkagain · 03/08/2024 23:37

LikeAFineMerlot · 03/08/2024 23:30

Do you actually want to have a baby?

Do you actually want to have a baby with him?

I am trying to work out those answers. My 2 were excellent sleepers and easy babies, so my experience is a bit Rose tinted with luck. I could end up with a sleepless little monster who has Colic. I do love having just 2 and at times missed having an only child set up. But I absolutely adore my second.

I think I definitely want 'his' baby but need to explore some more as to why that actually is

I want to make sure I am doing this for the right reasons, or at least reasonable ones before I know for sure

OP posts:
Tightfishedtwat · 03/08/2024 23:35

I think you need to make your decision before you meet the family.

TipsyMaker · 03/08/2024 23:34

I think you need to decide whether to keep the baby or not before anything else

LikeAFineMerlot · 03/08/2024 23:30

Do you actually want to have a baby?

Do you actually want to have a baby with him?