Will she know I am preggy? And would you go ahead?

@Boater I do understand that but shaming OP about what has happened isn't giving her help
Alot of judgment and shame, which is known why to make someone feel more alone in a situation
OP is an adult and needs people to kindly say ot her is this a situation that u and your children will thrive in or struggle

Can be honest and not be so judgemental but seem alot people on MN are very good at the judgement part

I doubt she would guess you’re pregnant, especially as she’s never met you before. What I mean by that is, I also have usually guessed when a fried is pregnant before they announce it, but it’s because I know them so well and noticed changes about them, like swerving social events with drinking, few days off work with an unexplained sickness etc etc. But I don’t think I would ever meet someone for the first time and just guess they were pregnant.
All that said, this may be the least of your worries though, sounds like you have a lot to think about. Good luck with everything, whatever you decide!

I am really sorry about your loss.
But with two existing children to support, a very new casual relationship, and the fact you are currently flooded with pregnancy hormones, you need to think really carefully about the impact of your existing children and you here. Can you afford to be a single parent to 3 children? What if this baby has additional needs?
It's not a bad thing to want to protect the stability of your children's lives, it's an incredibly positive one. If you have a baby you would have to introduce this man in a HUGE way when you havnt actually been together that long, and yes everyone knows someone who it worked out for, but we all know plenty more people when it didn't, you need to think of your kids here.
And CRUCIALLY, do you think this man is going to be a good father, and I dont mean financially supportive and fun, I mean emotionally intelligent, patient, willing to learn rather than thinking he knows best, around for the bad boring and hard bits not just the good. Because ultimately you just don't know him well enough to judge this, so you would be taking a big risk on behalf of your child who will then have to deal with the consequences.

Babies are not always a blessing.

One of the parents lives in the Middle East and hasn’t suggested he’s giving that up.

I wouldn't meet his family until I had thought very seriously and decided what to do. The man sounds like a complete idiot, and that would definitely influence my decision.

Can't get past the immaturity of either OP or the boyfriend tbh.

I think I definitely want 'his' baby but need to explore some more as to why that actually is

It's your hormones. Humans are designed to want to find partners and have children.

I'd terminate and I'd tell him you miscarried. It's way too soon and too much for your other kids.
If you are destined to be together then why rush into having a kid. He hasn't even met your daughter. ☹️
He sounds childish.
Make sure you are more careful with birth control in future.

And as for it being a 'sign' finding out on the anniversary of her daughter's passing....yes I'd say it's a sign, a sign that her children have been through enough with divorce, her eldest child having additional needs and her youngest having attachment anxiety without suddenly throwing in a new sibling by a man they've never even met! It's awful that the OP lost a child but her existing children need her love, attention and care, not their mum getting swept up in a casual, teenage type romance. Termination should never be considered lightly but I can't see how this is going to work out as the happy ever after the OP seems to think it will.

What an awful negative thread

Take time to think OP is all anyone not in your situation should be saying to you

Baby is a blessing regardless of sticky situation and as we all know life throws us curves balls and we make do with that season of life
Babies don't huge pricey items they need a loving home with 2 caring parents and if that's what you and your new bf can give then take each day slowly at a time

Nope - I think that too! The whole thing is contradictory & makes no sense.

And the statement about not telling him if she terminates? That's out of order.

Not quite a coincidence if she took a test on the anniversary of her daughter's death. She could have waited until the next day. It is more like she wanted a "reason' to keep the baby.

preggy, with a fertilised eggy

Lord alive.

I am so so sorry for your loss. What an awful thing to go through. I know how reassuring it can be to look for patterns in these things, and find meaning in what are really cruel circumstances. That's normal. But you can't let it shape your decision. Maybe it would help to think of this as a crossroads you are at after what sounds like many very hard years. Your daughter hasn't sent you a baby, she's sent you (if it helps to think of it this way) an opportunity to pause and consider what's important.

Equally I think just because you have a long history with this guy and it would be lovely and tidy and vindicating to come full circle and have the happy-ever-after with him you might have dreamed of as a teen, it doesn't mean it's the right thing now. I mean it might be, he might be your great love, but it's too soon to say and this pregnancy should not be the decider. You've come so far, and been through so much: don't put yourself or your kids in a position that compromises what your future could look like. You have so many options right now and it's the moment to build a really rewarding, meaningful life for yourself and them. Don't get locked into a situation that your gut is already saying is not ideal.

This all seems very mixed up. Prioritise the needs of your 2 dc over the pathetic excitement of this man-child you barely know. Would you really want to meet family so early if you weren't pg?

I’d get an abortion just to be free of that strange man…

It doesn't sound like your boyfriend has done much growing up in the intervening years, judging by his language and casual dismissal of the fact that you aren't sure about whether to keep the baby. It smacks of teenage boy, not emotionally intelligent Man.

To answer your question about his Mum, no I don't think she'd automatically know. I've guessed when friends have been pregnant, based on both actions and circumstances (committed relationship, prior talk about having kids etc). It would not cross my mind that someone in a casual relationship very shortly after their divorce was pregnant, HG or not. But I don't think you should meet them anyway.

Please do not drag your existing DC into a chaotic situation sparked from a rebound relationship based on a teenage fantasy.

That’s awful, I’m so sorry for your loss and for the timing of this news. It’s just a horrid coincidence though, I promise it’s not a sign.

Just out of curiosity, how did you get pregnant? Didnt you use any protection when having a sex with someone you randomly meet?
Not judging, just curious.

In your mind this was just a casual relationship. You need to think very hard about whether you want to be tied to this man for the rest of your life - even if you split up he will still have rights in relation to his child.

OP, I hate to be blunt but please think of your two DC.

You finding out is not a sign. I am so sorry for your loss but please be kind on yourself by being rational and pragmatic. He sounds unbelievably immature with his silly songs and the instruction to "have it" without any real discussion about the challenging implications of doing so. Of course he can flippantly say you should have it as he fucks off to the Middle East for work, leaving you to put in the hard yards with raising a child and managing the complex dynamics of your two other DC who need to come to terms with the divorce AND a new baby.

You are looking back on him with the eyes of a teenager and most likely in the context of a recent divorce. Are either of these reliable in enabling you to see this man for who he really is and what he would bring to you having a child?

I misread this as she had a miscarriage with a girl 😵‍💫🤦‍♀️

Huge apologies OP...
I still dont think its a sign though

I wouldn't let strangers on mumsnet influence such a big decision OP. This place is disproportionately in favour of termination in my experience, having been told to terminate a baby I was never even considering terminating. It's a thing and quite sick IMO.

Hash it out here by all means but don't give what other people say much credence.

It’s a new relationship. They’re is a high chance you be left as a single parent to 3. Even if you’re not then you will be on your own as he works away.

I think you need to think about what is in the best interests of your existing children.

It is NOT a sign...

You should be looking hard at the cons list.

What kind of life you will be offering:
your existing children
A potential new child
yourself
(In that order)

You are in an unenviable postion but honestly the fact you want to replace a baby you miscarried 5 years ago doesnt justify up ending your existing childrens lives.

And i agree its telling he didnt invite your kids along to his sales pitch of a dinner